I know that on Tuesday I promised you that I wouldn’t torture you with all the cute things my kid says because it makes you want to punch kittens and I wouldn’t want you to do that because kittens are just. adorable. but I lied Internet!

Liar, Liar pants on fire!

Sue me.

Just promise me you won’t punch any kittens after this because I would hate that.


She’s never even had fried chicken! And how does she know about addictions? Ahem, I don’t have any


Already a procrastinator like her daddy. We still have not resolved the windows issue, just so you know. If she catches The Retardation it’s all his fault Internet.


I am not allowed to sing in my own home.

She actually said this next thing when I was getting out of the shower one day, but I don’t have a Barbie shower so I had to use the couch instead.


My boobies are not silly. They’re spectacular. That must be what she meant.

We’re still working on her vocabulary.

And when she’s asked to do something she does not want to do, she dives under the nearest piece of furniture and does this instead:


And then she spits on the floor which lands her a spot on the naughty step where she proceeds to spit on the floor some more and draw designs in it with the toe of her sneaker. When let off the naughty step she refuses to clean up the spit which lands her back on the naughty step where she resumes her spit drawing.

She’s quite good. I’ll take a picture of one for you sometime.

Girlfriend sometimes has trouble engaging her frontal lobe and says things to strangers that maybe she shouldn’t.


And then she spits at them if she really feels strongly about it. She does this to random people in stores and whatnot. At least it’s not as bad as what I did to my mother. Apparently I hated men with beards when I was little and we were at the grocery store and I pointed to a man with a beard and loudly said “Hey mommy. Look at that fucking ass hole!”

God, I was cute.

Lately I’ve been trying to teach her proper terminology and to be comfortable with her body, and that nakedness is not a shameful thing, and that it’s okay to sort of get to know herself as long as she’s alone and all that hippy crap you’re supposed to say nowadays if you’re not a Jesus freak and she really never acknowledges her netherlands, but I don’t want her to feel weird about it and I guess I sort of overshot my goal in the vagi appreciation department.



As long as she doesn’t do this in high school it’s all good.

And she seems to talk about boobies a lot.


I don’t know why.

And she wants to be a fairy. A very special fairy.


Don’t judge me Internets! She did not necessarily pick up the naughty words from me!

She. did. not.

Happy Thursday everybody.

HEY! You in the back!

I see you!