So Aaaaaannnyway,

we made some wonderful cookies for Alena’s birthday on Tuesday. We brought some over to her on a Hello Kitty plate that Girlfriend decorated with stickers and they were a big hit. I saved about 10 for Mister because he always whines like a big baby if I bake for someone else and he doesn’t get any. He’s really a pain in the ass that way and they’re all gone now because he had himself a little stoner festival and ate them and shit all over their self-righteous, high horsey, veganness by putting whipped cream on them.

It’s like he didn’t care that they were vegan at. all!

So here’s the video and you should get this cookbook too because it’s realistic and doesn’t call for a lot of weird, dirty hippy ingredients that make the Whole Foods people moist in their crotchal areas. It’s almost like it’s for non-vegans and stuff.

And if you want the recipe, let me know and I’ll email it to you. I’d post it but I’m too lazy to type it out here and I’m banking on the fact that no one cares.

Except for cute little Leah who’s preggers . The baby likes cookies. Don’t worry Leah. My baby liked cookies too.

Cookies and VODKA!


I’m only kidding.


See? NOW you can call Child Protective Services.


Good Morning Internet!

Thank you so much for all your birthday wishes and e-cards and mail mail cards and everything yesterday.

I’m pretty tired this morning from snorting coke off hooker’s thighs opening presents so I’ll fill you in on all the super sexy details later and leave you with this video.

It’s a secret family recipe so don’t go fucking telling everyone.

OH! I almost forgot!

I’m over at Chris’s today talking about some crap that happened recently at The Stop & Shop so come see me.

It’s still my birthday so you have to do what I say.

Do it.