New bottles of coconut shampoo and tea-tree conditioner: $15.00

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Squeezing the shampoo into my palm and discovering that I can act out that scene from There’s Something About Mary every day in the shower:

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Priceless!

I just wish it could make me look like Cameron Diaz…sigh

Monthly mortgage payment: $2,000

Bank account balance after mortgage payment to last until pay day on Friday: $50

Logging in to check on bank account balance only to discover that some jobless douche has stolen your identity and bank account information, opened a new PayPal account in your name, and purchased $750 worth of video games thereby leaving your account overdrawn and bouncing your mortgage check: Fucking Priceless.