If you don’t want to know the intimate details of my sex life, close your eyes because once you read it, you can’t un-read it.

Let me give you a little scenario that occurs frequently at our house.

It’s 8:00 and girlfriend is finally sleeping. By this time on a typical day, I’ve gotten out of bed at 6am to do an hour of power yoga with either Bryan Kest, Baron Baptiste, or sadistic bitch Kristen McGee. I’ve showered, dressed, made breakfast, packed lunch, gone to work, blogged worked, come home, done laundry, dishes, floors, girlfriend’s bath, prepared dinner, drank a bottle modest glass of wine, cleaned up after dinner, and helped get her into bed.

And then I collapse, exhausted as a crack whore coming off a bender.

Mister, on the other hand, has come home from work after a grueling day downloading porn, obsessing over photography message boards, having lunch out with the guys, and putting whoopie cushions on his co-worker’s chairs.

And guess what he wants? And I know what he wants because he’s breathing.

And I’m thinking “NO. Everything. NO.”

I want to be touched about as much as I want to run naked down my street banging a metal bucket over my head with a wooden spoon.

(I’d actually prefer that)

I have only two options here. I can tell him to sod off and have him act like a dickhead until I finally give it up — OR (valuable marital survival tip here so pay attention) — allow a “play through.”

A “play through” is really a golf term that my friend’s husband applied to what’s going on over at their place.

And it’s perfect.

And so we adopted it.

And so will you.

Here, let Crissy school you.

About.com defines a “play through” thusly:

When a faster group of players is allowed to pass a slower group on the course. This usually happens at the invitation of the slower group – etiquette dictates that a slower group allow a faster group to play through. The slower group may allow the pass to occur from any part of the hole, but it usually occurs when the faster group approaches a tee box on which the slower group is still playing. The slower group usually stands aside and waits for the faster group to complete the hole before resuming play itself. Sometimes the move is required by a course marshall, who tells one group to stand aside while another group plays through.

I’ve always said it’s important to observe proper etiquette whether you’re on or off the course. I don’t golf, but that’s not the point.

Anyway, it translates very nicely into the bedroom where we also have lots of balls and clubs and people just hanging around waiting for something to happen:

The exhausted wifeslower group” sort of just lays there watching Ghost Hunterstands aside” while the husband gets his way without bothering anyonecompletes the hole.” Following the play through, Johnny can’t get enoughfaster group” is to keep quiet while the exhausted wifeslower groupgoes to sleepresumes play.

We don’t have play throughs all the time. They only happen sometimes.

It’s exactly like when you have drunk sex and you wake up with no pants on and think to yourself “what the fuck happened last night?” and then you look at the dude next to you in bed and think “EW!” except that you’re married to the dude.

And you were probably drunk anyway were not drunk.