I loathe Valentine’s day. In my opinion, it’s nothing more than an enormous crock of shit. It’s a day of disappointment, and most likely a giant fight. How could it not be when your worth as a person is measured in cards, flowers, candy, jewelry, and romantic dinners. Nothing could ever hold up under this kind of pressure.

We’re supposed to expect that diamond heart necklace from the TV commercials– the JC Penney ad says “Today is the day everyone gets what they want.” (Just in case you missed it fellas, they’re implying that if you buy your sweetie a diamond heart pendant, you’ll get a big bj out of it. Good luck with that.) In reality, what most of us get, if we’re lucky, is a crummy bent up card that says Feliz día de San Valentín, Maria! purchased at the last possible moment from the picked over racks at CVS. Most people I know don’t even get that. Sometimes I don’t get anything either.

And I don’t feel sorry for the singletons. I’d actually rather be single because you don’t expect anything from anyone and you can enjoy a wonderful pity party on the couch with your good pals Ben & Jerry and Kendall Jackson while watching Bridget Jones’ Diary instead of fighting with some thoughtless douche.

So with all of this let down and disappointment during this impossibly retarded holiday, I say screw you St. Valentine. I also say up yours Hallmark, and bite me jewelry people. You did this to us.  You took what could have been a fairly decent holiday and twisted it into something depressing and ugly.

So, I have a homework assignment for you. Tell me about your Valentine’s day–if any of you have had a really romantic one, let us know it isn’t all total bullshit for everyone. If you’ve had an awful one, let us know about that too since it totally proves I’m right.