Can I just ask a question?

Why can’t stores match the corresponding items to the corresponding season?

I walk into you know where the other day dressed as a snow-person. I loosen my scarf and take off my wool hat that is so large it nearly covers my eyes, and what do I see before me but a sea of bathing suits. Bathing suits! I had to turn around and look outside because I thought I had inadvertently stepped into another dimension. “Is it suddenly July and I missed it?” I wondered. To my comfort, it was still February outside. The store was just playing a prank on me.

And then I open my email this morning and guess what? Old Navy wants to remind me to “follow the sun: get mix and match swim styles!” But there isn’t any sun because it’s fucking FEBRUARY! There’s snow on the ground and I’m just trying to keep my schnoz from freezing and falling off my face! Fuck spandex, I need wool, people!

Apparently, winter is like, so last season. It’s time for tankinis and barbecues, honey! Slather on the sunscreen and just pretend all that snow on the ground is for making slushy margaritas. I know that somewhere there’s a boardroom full of suits snickering to think of all us assholes shivering in our mix and match bathing suits, huddling around a gas grill for warmth and holding frozen hot dogs.

Clearly, I have a giant problem with this season jumping bullshit. What would happen if, say, I crashed my sled into a tree during the last snow storm and I needed to get a new one because they’re predicting more snow for this weekend? I’d be fucked, because all I find at the store right now are bikinis and beach towels. I can’t sled down a snowy hill on a beach towel now can I?

Does anyone else find this totally stupid or am I just being a cranky pants?

I’m sick again, you know.