So there I was admiring the artwork in the waiting room of Dr. Jan Penkala, Wookie Doctor Extraordinaire, and wondering what yard sale he got that shit from.
There’s a clown picture apparently painted by a fifth grader, a HUGE photo portrait of somebody’s baby girl that is undoubtedly meant to be the focal point of the room, a sketch [...] Continue Reading…
So today is an epic suckfest, you guys. I wouldn’t ordinarily tell you about it but someone on facebook requested a blog post about my Monday, and so here it goes.
Homeslice is acting kind of tired and quiet and of course her lymph nodes are popped back out again and so of course I’m insane over that. [...] Continue Reading…
VIVIAN!
We call her “Vivi” for short just like in Ya Ya Sisterhood.
Now, I know you all voted for Fiona, and we started calling her that, but it shortened to “Fifi” and she’s totally not a “Fifi.” We decided to go with Vivian instead because it means “alive” or “lively” and that is what she is becoming–a very lively and [...] Continue Reading…
Remember how on Monday I said something like I hope we can all look back on this and laugh?
Well, WE CAN LAUGH ALREADY!
The PA called about an hour ago and explained everything and told me not to worry and that I am completely fixable and that my ultrasound was normal and everything looked good. He just wants me to [...] Continue Reading…
Thank you so much you guys!
I feel better hearing all of your stories and knowing that so many of you have gone through something very much like this. I’m still pretty scared, but I’m at least not planning my funeral every moment.
My doctor is notoriously hard to read, and so he scared the crap out of me. I called [...] Continue Reading…
Do you guys remember how I have this remarkable talent for getting my period like, every two weeks sometimes and I call it My Superpower? (that post was written back when I had a sense of humor. You should read it.)
Well, it’s been happening on and off for years and October was a particularly interesting month because I had [...] Continue Reading…
Once upon a time, I had a beautiful Greyhound named Tashi.
She was the love of my life, and I still get all teary when I think about her. I was so devastated after she died that I vowed that I could never own another Greyhound again. And then last week I was thinking about her and how [...] Continue Reading…
Just when we thought we were pretty much the classiest bunch of assholes on the Interwebz, we are not, Queefies.
We have been outclassed by this young lady who is clearly a very, very, big fan of mine:
Which one of you guys did that?
WHOSE FANNY ARE WE LOOKING AT HERE?
I’m touched, really. I mean, I know you love me, but [...] Continue Reading…
So I was just sitting on my bed with Homeslice looking at some books and magazines when she picked up the Victoria’s Secret Holiday catalog and pointed to the chick on the cover and said “mommy!”
I did not argue with her even though I’m so much hotter than that chick.
And then she picked up Better Homes and Gardens and [...] Continue Reading…
It’s an impromptu Toy with Me day!!!
It’s about all my slutty Halloween costumes.
DRESSING LIKE A SLUT FOR HALLOWEEN
