There I was, minding my own business when I noticed there was a dick in my mulch. This is not a euphemism for anything, I swear.

So the other day I was getting out of my car after work and when I opened the door, I was hit in the face by a powerful smell.

It smelled like a swimming pool full of semen, you guys.

I’m not talking about that delicate whiff of it you get in the spring time when the cum trees are in [...] Continue Reading…

posted by Crissy in About nothing, really,Crissy's House is in an Idiot Colony,Culinary Abortions,Whatcha Eatin'?,You're gonna shit when I tell you! and have Comments (40)

Missing Something?

Hey.

It’s been a while, I know, but I finally have a chance to say “sup?” to the Queefies!  I’ve been trying to do this for ages.

So, we went on our annual vacation to Beautiful Newport RI and during my first time on the beach with my super cute new bathing suit from Land’s End, I flashed everyone when I [...] Continue Reading…

posted by Crissy in About nothing, really and have Comments (22)

Yo! Who’s the Bitch with the Tats? My original title had an f-bomb in it, but I thought better of it because I’m mature now.

Hey, Queefies.

I’m thinking about getting a tattoo only I don’t know what it’s going to be or where I want to put it.

I think it should prolly go somewhere that’s easily hideable, so when I’m wicked old and stuff I don’t make the nursing home staff throw up every time they have to change my bum.

Like, nothing would be [...] Continue Reading…

posted by Crissy in About nothing, really,Go sell crazy somewhere else!,Octogenarians n' me,You're NOT hardcore, unless you LIVE hardcore and have Comments (35)

OMG you guys! Soooo many changes!

I’m not dead yet!  I swear you guys!

I’ve been very busy doing some very BIG things!

I don’t work at the library anymore.  I quit.

I quit because I GOT A FANCY LADY JOB!!!!!

Yes!  I did!

It’s my second week as a real, full time fancy copywriter and social media maven at a web development, PR, advertising and marketing company.  I work [...] Continue Reading…

posted by Crissy in Bow to Your Queen Bitches,Geinus wasted @ your library,I Touch Myself,You're gonna shit when I tell you!,You're NOT hardcore, unless you LIVE hardcore and have Comments (21)

Madame Royale writes and performs a song, and I didn’t say “motherfucker” at my fancy lady meeting.

Did I tell you guys that Girlfriend, aka Madame Royale, goes to acting class? She loves it because she gets to be a diva and people don’t send her to the naughty step for it. They actually encourage her diva-ness there!

Here is a video of her performing a song she wrote. The lady with the camera [...] Continue Reading…

posted by Crissy's_Pimp in About nothing, really and have Comments (20)

Exactly like Abbot and Costello only without penises and weird hats.

It’s always better to post something rather than nothing, so this is part one in a two part series I call

“What Crissy Does All Day, Pretty Much.”

Ya-ta-da-daaaaaaaa!!!!

This is Facebook chat, btw.

There’s a poll at the bottom.  You should do it or whatever.

Lynne: 5:27pm you still at work beeotch?

Me:5:28pm I am. I’m chatting with Deb and Rachel and you. [...] Continue Reading…

posted by Crissy in About nothing, really,Geinus wasted @ your library,I Touch Myself and have Comments (28)

Black Swan? Really?

So I went to see Black Swan with The Rabbi last night.  It was okay.  I like the ballerina stuff and the costumes and makeup were gorgeous, and I’ve always secretly wanted a pair of toe shoes of my very own, so seeing those made me very happy, but the ending?

Really?

The Rabbi and I both burst out laughing at [...] Continue Reading…

posted by Crissy in Crissy Drives Like the Wind,Go sell crazy somewhere else!,You're NOT hardcore, unless you LIVE hardcore and have Comments (14)

Toy With Me Wednesday

Lets Talk About Our Periods, OK?

posted by Crissy in About nothing, really and have Comments (5)

Do you guys know what happens when you have ten brain tumors?

People give you stuff!

It’s true!

Since I found out about my not not tumors, I have been showered with gifts (okay, only three, but three is still more than zero which is what I was getting before)!

Mister bought me an MP3 player which I have yet to figure out. As soon as I conquer driving his mean machine of [...] Continue Reading…

posted by Crissy in About nothing, really,You're NOT hardcore, unless you LIVE hardcore and have Comments (23)

SEX ADVENTURES on Facebook and how I totally ruined my chances for one by being indecent

A few days ago, I got a friend request on Facebook from a stranger.  This is not a noteworthy event, I know, but check out his profile picture:

Um.  Yeah.  That kinda makes it noteworthy.

And his philosophy is:  Sex.

That’s it.

Sex.

And all his “friends” are either young girls or pictures of lacy thongs.

He is so barking up the wrong tree with [...] Continue Reading…

posted by Crissy in Go sell crazy somewhere else!,I Touch Myself,You're gonna shit when I tell you! and have Comments (25)