Somebody fucking won something!

So yesterday Crissy and Stoogie put their heads together and Crissy picked the winners of all the great stuff that Stoogie has in his closet taking up valuable sex toy space. And we did it all official like and used Random.com or Random.org or whatever it’s called and you can blame Crissy if you didn’t win but if you did win then you can thank Crissy.

And to express your gratitude you can also send her that new purple Coachy love she showed you a picture of a few weeks ago.

WHAT?!?

It costs less than what either the camera or the camera plus tons of other crap would have cost you so it would be saving money.

Crissy is always looking for ways to help the Queefs save a buck in these difficult and trying financial times!

Crissy is magnanimous.

And so anyway, Crissy picked the winning numbers and then to celebrate the winners she had very naughty phone sex with Stoogie and it was sooooo goooood that Crissy’s panties are still wet and she’s changed them twice already and let Crissy also tell you Queefs that he is a very, very dirty boy.

But you kind of already knew that anyway.

So the winners are….

The camera and all the crap that goes with it: MR. PERFECTLY!!!

And the video camera: MELISSA LION who Crissy thinks should celebrate her winning by making a naughty movie of herself with her new camera!

Take it off girl!

Don’t worry Mr. Perfectly. We won’t make you do it too.

Although it is only fair…

So yesterday Crissy drops Girlfriend off at The Sandbox Preschool and there’s this bitchmom with a baby in a carrier and Girlfreind goes over, stands on her tippy toes to peek into the carrier and says “Oh your baby is soooo cute!” and the bitchmom whips the carrier away and says “Don’t put your face near her face! She’s had two colds already this year!” And girlfriend sort of just looked like…”huh?” And Crissy was present for the whole exchange and can say with 100% certainty that Girlfriend’s face did not come anywhere near bitchmom’s baby’s face and so WHAT THE FUCK WAS HER FUCKING PROBLEM?

And Crissy almost said “and you don’t think YOUR OWN PRESCHOOLER might have given her baby sister those colds?”

Nay, nay.

It must have been OTHER PEOPLE’S FILTHY CHILDREN.

And Crissy was so mad that she was very, very tempted to grab girlfriend and ram the mommy down in the street with her car thusly:

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Crissy thinks that would have fixed her wagon quite handily.

And yesterday was Picture Day and this woman’s kid was wearing some sort of sweatsuit dress type of thing with lace sewed onto it. It was fugly and Crissy is wondering what kind of asshole does that to a little child on picture day?

Remember when Crissy said that she was going to talk about herself in the third person until it bored her?

Well Crissy is not bored exactly, she’s more like addicted to it.

It’s addicting, Queefs. It’s become a habit.

Crissy can’t seem to stop doing it.

And so Crissy might try to stop but then again if you Queefs aren’t annoyed by it then Crissy has no reason to stop even though if you say you’re annoyed by it and Crissy wants to keep doing it she will and she will totally ignore your wishes because Crissy is queen and you are not.

Crissy rather enjoys how when she has Martinis with Queen Elizabeth, Lizzie (that’s what Crissy calls her. She likes her Martinis straight up and dirty.) always uses “we” instead of “me” because her person represents the whole of England and not just herself.

Crissy thinks she might try this out.

“We are going to have a royal bath where we will masturbate and read shampoo bottles. We are not to be disturbed!”

OR

“We do not like macaroni and cheese. It makes us vomit. Take it away at once before we have you neutered!”

Crissy sort of likes that kind of fancy talking.

Anyway, please fill out the form below and tell Crissy if you want her to keep talking in the third person or if you’ve had it up to your crotchals with it already. And Crissy wants to hear from all you dirty lurkers too! That’s right! She sees you and she knows where you live. AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP MASTURBATING TO HER MILF PICTURE.

It’s so last Monday!

Also, please be advised that Crissy may or may not actually care what you think. She just wants you to think she cares.

She’s soooo deliciously Machiavellian!

Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!