Happy Hump Day!

I am Rachel (the BFF) and somewhere Crissy is toasting me with a Cosmo…I can just feel it!

In light of the fact that I am writing on such an auspicious day, I thought it would be cathartic and appropriate to talk about sex.

Specifically: Position 69

Even more specifically: How much I don’t get it.

Now, that is not in the very personal “not gettin’ any” way, but more of a confused, eye-squinting, head tilting, cute puppy way.

Let’s break it down:

I get the giving.

I get the taking. (I especially like this bit.)

But put it together and I go into crisis. How long do you give before you get to enjoy the taking. And if you’re enjoying the taking, how do you give? And doesn’t someone always end up with a cramp somewhere?

It’s a tactical mess. Like Twister with tongues.

And let’s face our bodily functions people–there is stuff that is beyond our control that inevitably happens and how do you NOT laugh?!

(Trust me on this, while mutual comedy sex is funny, when it seems like you are laughing *even if it’s at yourself* and your face is in someone’s down belows…ahem, let’s just say men can be a bit sensitive on the laughing.)

And this is not even the hard part to fathom.

How do people accomplish this with a huge height difference? And this is not just about the male to female height:



(even with a strap-on!)

But imagine what number this guy resembles with anyone:

I daresay, it is not 69.

So there is the thought of my day for you all.

For those who have achieved mastery at this, kudos to you…but for me and mine, we’re straight up give or take around here…and ne’er the twain shall meet.