HI! Oh Hiiiiii!!! It’s me – Kiala from Face of the Cookie!!!!
I am so excited to be here! Just, oh! SO EXCITED.
What? It’s what time where you are? Noon?
Well, okay, yes, I’m a little late yes. Ahem. Er. Ha.
Look, I don’t know if you know but I have to be Crissy today and I am just not used to getting up so early and doing yoga and eating Fiber One cereal (that one task alone took up a good 45 minutes of my morning if you know what I mean). After that was over, I couldn’t wait to take my Crissy shower, HOWEVER, in the middle of putting on the blonde wig and getting undressed, Dane came in and well…um…let’s just say the idea of getting clean with a hot blonde librarian took that 10 minute shower to a whole new level.
To an ELEVEN minute shower..if you know what I mean.
Soooo, anyhooters, when that was over we went down to the basement to set up our photoshoot. Our apartment building doesn’t really have a basement, per se, so we had to use the lobby area. It has a fireplace. And coffee. And a concierge.
It was a little awkward.
Also, Dane was a bit flummoxed by my calling him Ken and asking him questions every five minutes like, “Ken, does this thong make my butt look awesome?” and “Ken, can you be a dear and skip down to the Starbucks? Crissy needs her green tea something terrible”.
Also, we had problems with some of the props.
The Barbies kept breaking. Probably because I was stepping on them with my bare feet and let me tell you, that shit hurts like a motherfucker.
Am I allowed to swear here?
(EVERYTHING IS SO ORANGE RIGHT NOW)
Anyway, the concierge was a dream and helped with the lighting and bra strap adjustment and wig placement and everything was turning out just really, really swell and then suddenly one of the geriatric residents of our building came swooping in on her motorized scooter and knocked my green tea over and the film was ruined.
(SERIOUSLY, WHY IS EVERYTHING SO ORANGE? IS IT JUST ME?)
And Dane/Ken held me and said soothing things in my ear about klonopin and vodka and short shorts and babies and I knew everything was going to be ok but I was still all swollen in the eye and nose area and my thong was all wet with green tea.
So I called in sick to the Library Place. (I’ve never been to one but it sounds magical).
I think we may be fired.
Sorry Crissy! Enjoy your vacation!