Who the f*ck are YOU?


I’m 40. I have a Master’s degree in English and I’m a professional copywriter. I’d totally tell you where I work, but they’d wicked fire me because they’re ashamed to be seen with me in real life. I cannot say I blame them one bit. I don’t want to be associated with me either.

You’d better like what I write here because I know what I’m doing and this blog is pretty much as good as it gets. I’m sure that’s probably not true, but we try to keep a positive attitude here. Don’t mind my typos and grammatical issues and double spaces between my periods because I’m not on the clock at this point when I’m writing, so I don’t really care of i make am istake111!  Plus, I’m probably somewhat tipsy when I write, so there’s that to consider as well.

In addition to my full time Super Sexy Copywriting Career, I have a house, two daughters: Girlfriend (age 9) and Homeslice (age 5). Those are their real names, btw. I also have a husband, three dogs, two goldfish that are lasting WAY longer than I expected the little fuckers to live, and a dead cat.

I made this blog just for you because I’m really very, very needy and also because I love you and I want you to make me feel special.

Sometimes (many times) I drink a little too much wine.  My therapist is worried about this and so I lie to her about how many glasses (bottles) of wine I drink a night. I find this behavior totally justifiable because she’s technically my employee and that is perfectly acceptable to lie to your employee.  Corporate does it all the time and I’m paying her $90 an hour.

I fail to see the issue here.

Email the Queen!

I have been a cool kid at least once in my life. But that’s it pretty much.



  1. Your life ain’t that bad. Based on the conversation I had with the kid on her trip to the “zuem,” I’d say you manage to find delight. You’re sense of humor tickles me pink and makes me smile. You’re a wonderful writer. You make me proud.

  2. As I was searching for the torque settings for replacing my Subaru clutch, I came across your web page. Two hours later and my clutch is no closer to being fitted, my day off has been wasted chuckling over your page and the missus is gonna kick my butt for not having done any work this afternoon. Thank you, you look like a lot of fun.

  3. Green Man- I’m sorry about your clutch. Did you see what I did to my husband’s? There’s a video. It’s called zoom, zoom, zoom(ish). It’s sure to make any Subie lover want to puke.

    Thank you for visiting!

    Did you ever find what you needed?

  4. OMG! That’s probably the scariest piece of driving I’ve seen this year LMAO. Sooo much respect for Hubby; if that had been my Rex, you wouldn’t have got past the end of the driveway, I’d have kicked you out and bought you a banger to learn in 🙂 As a professional driver (big rigs) and a car enthusiast I must just thank my lucky stars that I live on a different continent to the one that you inflict your wheel skills on.

    I did find the torque settings I was after eventually, although not on your page, but its taken me until today to do anything with them. Hopefully I’ll have the car back on the road before the end of the week.

    Like the photos of you, you have my vote for Hottest Mommy Blogger, if nothing else to see you go through with your promise 😉

  5. Our society is totally sick. Technology has provided the totally self-absorbed an outlet for their infantile needs. In the past, you had to bury that stuff and at least pretend to be an adult. Now, it doesn’t matter — be as childish as you want 24/7.

    I’d say you need professional help, but the psychologists are all screwy too. Maybe it’s me who needs professional help now.

  6. Love this blog! You really say it like it is. I wish there were more parents like you in my town. I hate having to put the fakey fakey act all the time. You are so hilarious. Doosh has nothing over you!! She SUCKS!!! And you are waaaayy prettier.

  7. Hey Queenie
    I found your blog somehow but I can’t remember how, duh! Must’ve been drinking way to much, again!
    I love this stuff and you are quite the writer I should say. I can only hope that I write this well when I’m sober and that’s not often enough. LOL

  8. You are a good writer, keep it up. I would like to make a blog or something like this, but my reasoning is much to dramatic and thoughtful for modern man, every one would have to be english masters to absorb the meaning. I am more like a poet, I do know when I see greatness. Im guilty of Writing While Intoxicated.

  9. You are SO PRETTY, and the internet loves to tell you that!! We are your minions, here to read your every word and worship your pictures… Oh wait, that’s not FAIR!! I WANNA BE THE QUEEN!!!!

  10. So now you need to start writing again here on this blog because I miss you very much. I’m pretty sure my laughs per day have been cut in half since you quit blogging here. We need you here.

  11. Petri Ahava is right… this page displays bad in Firefox… ads practically overlapping story, random blue bar across the page..

  12. Damn! I have not come across a blog like yours – ever. Frank is your middle name and of course I like the way to think. Keep ’em coming!

  13. Yeah, I know this is a way old post, but it’s the first time I’ve read it. You crack me up Crissy. I think I linked a post here sometime back for my own selfish needs. But I come back from time to time and read your posts when I need a chuckle. I work from home, and despite the fact I’m often surrounded by ten dogs and two cats ( I shit you not ), it still can get pretty dull during the day as I furiously hammer out content and other crap for basket of websites.

    ..any way.. pretty funny…

  14. Wonderful blog! Do you have any suggestions for aspiring writers? I’m planning to start my own site soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you suggest starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I’m completely overwhelmed .. Any tips? Kudos!

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