Things that Suck OR Why Mommy Drinks “A Hundreds” of Wine

These are all the things that sucked this week:

Suckage item #1:


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Right here is what I call a pile of bullshit.

This is Homeslice’s homework which is actually designed to torture ME.  Not only did I have to cut this shit out into tiny squares that are impossible to control, but I had to sort it because it was arranged randomly. I had to go over them one by one with her. She got most, but I think she got a lucky guess on the others. I put those fuckers in the “done” pile realfuckingquick.

Guess or not, it’s still a correct answer, amiright?

Suckage item #2:


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My weekly allotment of wine was nearly done by Wednesday!  In my defense this was purchased last Friday night and was shared amongst friends, so really, wine consumption has been quite tame.  But still, this photo makes me sad because: rationing.

Suckage item #3:


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I did not get Veteran’s Day off, but everyone else did and so in an effort keep kids off screen time (mandated by me), Mister let them go wild streame-ring the  house. It’s a multicolored Halloween prank at my house right now.  It’s lovely, but who is going to have to take them down?




At least it wasn’t toilet paper, I guess. Girlfriend is known for her excessive use of tape, so I am particularly pissed about this because everything is taped down solid, which makes for extra pain in the ass, but most irritating of all is: there is NO tape left in this house.

You don’t realize you need tape until there is no tape.

Protip: Hide the fucking tape.

Suckage #4:


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This is my container drawer. Somebody should complain.

Suckage #5:


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Wall-e, the butane powered space heater, is now a permanent resident in my living room.  Mister thinks it’s the fucking balls.

It terrifies me every bit as much as the gas dryer, washing machine and garbage disposal.

Mister wanted me to post a picture of it when it’s lit, but I didn’t want the Internet to catch on fire cuz this thing says “DANGER” all over it.

Suckage #6:


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Who knew these fuckers take on water? I found myself standing over the kitchen sink shaking drips out of them until I noticed this:


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They have assholes.

So to get the water out, we had to drill them BIGGER ASSHOLES.


Now we have rose bud gang-bang “amules.”

Suckage #7:


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I dont live in a place where people keep chickens. So imagine my surprise to find these three ladies just chillaxin’ out there on an ordinary Monday morning?  I had dicks in my mulch, so why not chickens?

My driveway is a place of many wonders, Queefies.

So, how did your week go?

Mine was kinda crappy and included some heavy stuff, but this is all that I can share because we try to keep it light and fluffy over here.

Feel free to dump your bullshit here.

In fact,  please do.




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  1. Tell Mr to dump that heater pronto. I thought you got new double pane windows? That thing is a house fire or burned kid for sure. At least switch to those electric things that look like radiators, we used, they work, no burn kids and no fire hazard.

  2. I’ll exchange matching letters for the relative that says “hey can you take me to outpatient surgery at 8:00 am they just need to scope my knee?”. Sure says stupid me. When we left at 4:30 pm, after the doctor told me they repaired a torn miniskus which they had no clue about, they gave her five minutes of physical therapy and dumped her in my care. I for one will take more time reading the damn form that says who’s your ride and taking responsibility for the patient. They even had a witness sign it. So they sent her home with 800 ml of ibuprofen WTF and said see ya. I’ve slept for about two hours because her husband is s pilot and is out of town. It’s 9 am here and I’m ready to finish your wine.

  3. My dog has fleas. And has had them for 6 weeks. I’ve spent like a hundred bucks on treatments and she is now losing hair in some of the areas, not to mention the constant scratch scratch scratch. When I pull out the treatment stuff, she cowers in her kennel and pees on her bed. I’m SO OVER IT.

    1. Oh that is horrible! We had imaginary fleas. The vet said all our pets were covered in flea dirt, but we never saw a single one. We bathed them all and found nothing, they were not scratching or anything. We think the vet was lying. I’m sorry your fleas are real. That totally bites.
      (Maybe you don’t have a sense of humor about it, but that was a funny I made right there.)

  4. Suckage 5.x – those heaters are outdoor use only! They put out carbon monoxide, which is odorless, and if it builds up is deadly.

  5. Definitely ditch that propane house burner. With the kids, the animals, the wine, and mister running around with that f’in camera up to his face it will certainly tip over. When it does the heating elements will snap off and turn the propane bottle to a straight up flame thrower. My Dad did this in his woodworking shop. It was full of wood, kind of like a house. Wood burns. He was lucky – he was able to kick it out the door and also start the hillside on fire as it rolled down the hill and extinguished itself in the lake.

  6. Amen to the propane heater warnings. They are dangerous to have around the kids and the dogs and they do seriously build up carbon monoxide in the house. They are for outdoor use only, and even then only in controlled areas. Do not become a statistic. Get them out of there.

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