Dear Taylor Swift, I’m Happy Free Confused And Lonely At the Same Time



T.Swift has decided to take herself off of Spotify because she’s worth SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT.  She just can’t even anymore, you guys.

Some of you don’t give a rat’s ass, some are relieved and some are like us: fuckin’ bummed out.

Yes, that’s right.

I’m a 40 year old Taylor Swifter and her songs have inspired many a dance party in my kitchen.

Is her music “art” as she calls it?

In some circles that is very debatable, but I like to think of art as something that moves people. I don’t care if your reaction is disgust, disdain, glee, amazement, introspection, or it’s just something that makes you wanna shake it.

Art, in any form, is art as long as it moves people in some way.

Indifference is the artist’s worst enemy.

Her definition of her art (and art in general) is totally fucked up because she refers to all of it as “rare and valuable.”

Oh, honey. Some art is indeed rare and valuable, but there are a dozen or so pop princesses out there. I’ll give you the art thing, but it is not rare. In fact, it is ubiquitous.

However, I agree that it is valuable.  Its value for me lies in the enjoyment it brings to people and not in the amount of cash it delivers to already stuffed coiffures. Judging by the home she purchased here in Rhode Island, she is not hurting for mortgage payments and heat. So, I’m disappointed. I have stuff like food and warmth to purchase instead of albums.  Maybe little girls will buy her albums with their allowance money, but that’s sad too.

How can she take their allowance money? They worship her, and she looks at them with $$$ in her eyes.

You cannot place a dollar sign on the fun and happiness that art inspires in fans. It is priceless.

Money, although nice and awesome if you can make some whilst doing what you love, should not be a primary motivation for being an artist and sharing your work.

Some people hate her songs, but people like Girlfriend, Homeslice, Ehpa, Pam and me find it perfect for dancin’ like you just don’t care.

What an amazing power that is.

I get all bummed out after I spend hours writing a blog post, for instance, and nobody reads or comments. I’m completely stoked when somebody reads and has something to say. Trolls are even welcome. Bring it, assmonkeys. You cannot hurt me with your words! I shall throw you to the ground very roughly!

A little bit of pee comes out when something I write connects with someone and makes them laugh or feel like their life is normal or whatever. That should be what makes her happy, too.

I wanna see Taylor Swift piss herself at one of our dance parties. It is a sight to behold, let me tell you.

There is video, you may not see it.

We pay for Spotify, and even though she makes a fraction of a penny for every time someone plays one of her songs, MILLIONS OF PEOPLE ARE DOING IT.  I know that in this household alone, we have played her tunes enough times to have purchased at least one album, so fuck you, Taylor.

She’s not our favorite anymore because she’s acting like big giant greedy poo-poo baby!

I cannot get down with that literally or figuratively.

I am super disappointed in her life choices.

And so, dear Taylor, we are skakin’ you off.

I’m sure you’ll be writing about this in your next album entitled “Why Does Everyone Think I’m a Douchebag Now?” coming out in December 2015 when you realize that nobody listens to your rare and valuable art anymore.  If we can’t hear you on Spotify, well then, you are dead to the QOFEs.


I guess it’s on to the next one, but for now, I am happy to be free from her spell, confused by her choice, and lonely for a new dance party favorite (mainly because her songs remind me of Ehpa and I play them when I miss her).

Perhaps this young lady has the right idea:

Other replacement suggestions welcome below, but remember we need shit to shake what our mommas gave us.

Suggestions for Meshuggah or the like will not be considered (I’m looking at you, Mister!)

Meshuggah makes me need a Xanax.



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  1. She is a corporation. Money is her motivation, or at least the motivation of the people working behind her. It may have been about art at one time but, it ain’t any more. Grow, grow, grow, save pennies, fuck people over, capitalism GO! She controls the supply and the demand is currently sky high. It’s just business. Just business. As if that is a valid excuse for anything, ever.

    Anyway, watch Jessie J here and wonder why the fuck you ever thought Taylor was worth a shit in the first place:

      1. Glad you liked it. It makes me all mushy eyed too. This has me thinking of a few other female artists that you may like to fill that Taylor Swift shaped hole (which is not coincidentally also in the shape of a vicious turd). Of course, they are immensely better and immeasurably more honest than that little $twat$ could ever be. Maybe you will find something you like. I don’t know if they are on Spotify. Probably not as dance party but better for your lumpy brain health.





  2. in my mind, pop is supposed to be a commodity. it’s not supposed to have deep meaning, or lasting philosophical significance.

    so it’s a bit ironic that she’s moved even MORE into the pop realm (drifting away from country) with this latest album.

    and by the way, meshuggah is awesome, so fuck you if you can’t handle the heavy!

  3. First of all, Marina and the Diamonds. I’m telling you.

    Second, lets whip out the old tape deck. Remember the 90s/early 00s when any song in radio rotation was easily copied to a physical tape for free? We can bring it back. We can show the youth the way things used to be. Streaming music has spoiled them. They don’t know the pain of waiting 30 minutes for one song to download only to find out some asshat mislabeled it. Or when the fucking DJ would talk over the intro/outro. Art is pain.

    Art is pain.

    1. I remember holding my tape recorder up to the stereo speakers, Brittany! I’d sit and wait for that one song I wanted to come on and then I’d stand there taping it. Those were the days!

      I like Marina and the Diamonds!

  4. I wholeheartedly agree with you. This just proves her “Golly gee, aw shucks” personality is a carefully calculated persona. I always knew it, deep down, but I was holding out hope, I guess. The fact that she makes a bajillion, million dollars a year and still thinks she doesn’t make enough from Spotify? Gag me. Her ‘rare and valuable art’ (again, gag) is not being stolen – we ARE paying for it. What a brat. Moving on.


    “Others have suggested that Swift’s decision to remove her music from Spotify could be tied to the sale of her Nashville-based record label Big Machine, for around $200m. Driving up the instant income from digital downloads, rather than the “steady trickle” from streaming, could boost the profits and value of the label, particularly as Swift, their most valuable asset, is nearing the end of her contract.”

    i’d say that’s a huge factor. i’ve said myself that there is a decided difference between lump sum payments (ie, digital download or album purchase) vs. royalties (payments over time), and hitting record sales marks is a great example of why one would choose one over the other.

  6. Art doesn’t have to be expensive to be great, and art doesn’t have to be great to be valuable. Some of the most enjoyable art is as free as the wind! T.S. could give away all of her future music for free and never want for anything, but she is on the greed bandwagon. She is convinced that she’s better than human and needs to be duly compensated. She needs a swift kick in the ass. There is plenty more pop music out there and many websites to find it on. Challenge the girls to seek out better music that hasn’t become mainstream yet, and see whose finds eventually hit the charts. They can be the cool kids who discovered great performers before everyone else.

    1. Awesome idea, Steve!

      And I totally agree with you. She has PLENTY and ENOUGH money forever. How much does one person need? And for those of us who are living hand to mouth, purchasing an album with only a couple of songs on it that we like is not going to be a thing for us.
      So, we will find it elsewhere but for right now, there’s such a bad taste in my mouth, I can’t even listen to her anymore.

    1. I used to think that, but then the kids started asking for her songs, so I started playing them and they got me. I started liking her too.

      That’s all done now.

  7. Totally agree with you Crissy on this. I read about Swifty’s decision and thought she was being a greedy bitch. I just got off work and my brain is fried or I would diss her a bit more. You did an admirable job of bitching her out. Oh, just wanted to say, I am sooo happy you are posting again. You make me laugh and feel not so alone in this at times shitty world. I feel like I should send you a paycheck for the entertainment you provide.

    1. Boom Clap- Charli XCX
      Price Tag and Bang Bang- Jessie J
      Fancy – Iggy Azalea
      Problem- Ariana Grande
      Starships or anything at all by Nicki Minaj
      No Diggity – Blackstreet
      Anything by Cake
      Crazy Kids – Ke$sha
      All About the Bass – Meghan Trainor
      We Can’t Stop – Miley Cyrus (deep shame)
      Want U Back- Cher Lloyd

  8. haha, so glad to read your blog again! And as far as suggestions, and since heavy stuff is not considered, yet. the Mr may be into that stuff, here is something that has a blend of both… sort of. Mellowed down heavy stuff, not just to shake what your momma gave you but also what you think with. Perhaps ya’ll will learn how to wind mill to these tunes. 🙂

  9. I disagree. How much money she has is irrelevant to the situation. Imagine your employer said they would pay you between $0.0002 and $0.0007 every time you make a contribution to the company. Now granted, Taylor would make a lot of money from Spotify. But if the big guys don’t speak up, the little guys won’t have much of a voice. She may have only done it for the money but if her bowing out makes more money for everyone, what’s the problem?

    Aloe Blacc, of I’m the Man and Avicii fame, co-wrote and sung Wake Me Up! The song had more than 168,000,000 streams in the US and earned $12,359 from Spotify, which he had to split with two other people and publishers.

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