Ask Homeslice: version 1.0



And here they are: answers to your most burning life questions from our very own Homeslice!

No video though because Homeslice has the shyness and that’s ok because she’s only a fiver. Girlfriend has stage experience now since she’s been in theater class for two years, so she’s just waiting for an agent to call her at this point. Any day now, instant supastah!

Homeslice however, lacks stage experience and out and out refused to appear on video. So, here we have a humble post all typed out for the Queefies.

1) Kelly: Homeslice, remember when we first met and you said you were “hot and dangerous?” What does that mean? Also, what is your mutha saying these days?

Hot and dangerous means that you should not touch! It’s hot and you could get burned really, really bad and go to the hospital with doctors. 

My mother says “I LOVE you!”

2) Lynne: Home, can I call you Home? Ok, do you know why there are 8 hot dogs in a pack and only 6 buns?

I would eat up all the hot dogs. With mustard.

3) Mark: Homeslice, how old do you have to be to start swearing?

Ummm… 8?

4) Brittany: what steps are you actively taking to avoid being a cog in the capitalist machine?


5) Sarah: Homeslice, how much wine does mommy REALLY drink?

A hundreds!

6) Melissa: Dear homie how do you know when a boy likes you?

Can we just skip this one because boys are stupid. Except Sam.

7) Daniel:  Hey Homie, does daddy’s camera bother you?

Yes, because it flashes so bright!

8) Laura: Dear Homeslice, What is the best treat on Halloween?


9) Catherine: Homeslice, what should I be when I grow up?

A zookeeper!

* editorial note: knowing Catherine’s profession, she is already a zookeeper of sorts.

10) Amanda: Dear Homeslice, How should I deal with rude passengers on crowded buses? The ones who take up way too much space for one person.

Ask them nicely: “could you please move somewhere else?”

11) Jen: Homeslice, why are you and your sister so cute? Can others be cute like you too?

Ask my mom. She made us in her tummy. She has a recipe!

12) Kendra: Why do cats like to sit on school papers?

School papers are dumb and they know.

13) Beth: Homeslice, what’s the best thing that’s happened to you since you stopped crapping in your pants?

Eating ice cream.

14) Rebecca: Homeslice, what are some of your favorite books?

No David! Cuz there’s a naked part. Also, Scaredy Cats, but nobody is naked, they’re cats.

15) Tophir: Homeslice what are your recommendations for defeating ISIS?

You mean like my sister? I don’t know.

We’ll give a shout out for a new batch soon! Keep a list. We have answers.

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    1. He’s a kid she knows from preschool, so there’s a history there. He’s a cute little dude with a blonde bowl cut. He’s kinda awkward, but his dad says he asks for Homeslice all the time. I guess it’s a crush???

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