SEX ADVENTURES on Facebook and how I totally ruined my chances for one by being indecent

A few days ago, I got a friend request on Facebook from a stranger.  This is not a noteworthy event, I know, but check out his profile picture:

Um.  Yeah.  That kinda makes it noteworthy.

And his philosophy is:  Sex.

That’s it.

Sex.

And all his “friends” are either young girls or pictures of lacy thongs.

He is so barking up the wrong tree with me it’s not even funny!  Think again, buddy!

Doesn’t he know he’s talking to a frigid 36 year-old librarian with a brain full of tumors and a constant period?  He’d probably be pretty interested in the lactation though.  That’s pretty awesome if you’re a sickie.

Anyway, it got interesting after I ignored the request and got a message from him that said:

Jim Anderson January 20 at 8:58am Report
hi will u add me ?
And I’m thinking, “shit. Now I have to deal with him.”  So I’m all,
Kristen Lynne Gilbert January 20 at 9:35am
Who are you, Jim? Tell me about yourself. I’m a little protective of my facebook as it is my personal account.
Jim Anderson January 20 at 10:20am Report
i am 38 years old 180 cm 77kg green eyes brown hair married actor i like sex very much and i’m not shy of saying that looking 4 sex adventures all over the globe coz i travel a lot
Oooooo SEX ADVENTURES!!!! I thought… ” GOODY!  I’ve been praying this day would come!”
And so I’m just like,
Kristen Lynne Gilbert January 20 at 11:42am
I have no sex adventures for you. How does your wife feel about your sex adventures?
And poor Jim was offended and he dumped me!
Jim Anderson January 20 at 12:31pm Report
no need for this moral lecture anyway my fetish is to have sex with decent ladies but like this u turned me off
Wow you guys.  I really fucked up.  I haven’t been dumped this hard since, well, you know.  I could have had SEX ADVENTURES but Jim only wants to have his sex adventures with “decent ladies” who have sex with random strangers  who friend them on Facebook and don’t care that he’s married.
I could have had Sex Adventures with an International Man of Mystery, but I’m not a decent enough lady.
I think I need to change my profile picture because maybe this one of my nursing boobies is attracting the wrong kind of friends or whatever.
Or, maybe I should keep it to see if I can catch me some more blog fodder.

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25 comments

  1. Basically, this post is a mess. I wrote it with one hand while Homeslice teetered on the edge of my bed and then dumped my coffee in my lap. Maybe you should just go back to stalking people on Facebook. Don’t pretend you don’t.

  2. refer him to MySpace or Craigslist for sure. I think your picture represents a decent lady – I mean you are wearing a tiara for goodness’ sake! It’s not like you have a picture of two folks going at it in the shower ya know?

  3. @ Kathleen: I was thinking that he looks like Ben Stiller at the end of Dodgeball…all sweaty, fat, and with a bucket of chicken!

    @ CP: DD’s baby! “They’re real…and they’re SPECTACULAR!”

  4. I say leave the picture the way it is, because stories like this are worth it. I greatly admire what you said to him, BTW. All you did was ask how his wife felt about his adventures! That does not constitute a moral lecture!! Clearly, he feels shame about his lifestyle, as he wouldn’t even discuss it. Haha, shame is something we impose on ourselves.
    .-= Helen’s last blog post… Purple Rose and Bud Bobby Pin Pair =-.

  5. What a busy family they have been! There are a lot of rumors going around which I won’t repeat here, but what are the facts? Who slept with whom? Whose baby is it? Is this considered trashy behavior or is it pretty standard for Evangelical families?

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