Okay, so guess what?

We (I) are (am) officially looking to replace old Sasha Saab with a new (ish) one!  And in preparation for that, I have been practicing (okay, we went out for half an hour) driving a manual transmission because I will not let it beat me, people.

I will drive a manual transmission and it will be fine and I will DOMINATE THE ROAD.

And so I did it.  I drove the scary WRX up and down hills and I speeded all over and everything and all it took was a little Xanax to get me to stop panicking.  I only stalled like, three or four times which for me is a really big deal as every attempt I’ve made at this has been a total disaster.

You all remember this, right?

Yeah.

(if you haven’t seen that video, you really need to so you can appreciate fully the depths of my driving dysfunction)

But this time, with a little 0.5 mg of Xanax, I’m smiling and driving and having fun!

I am driving Mister’s car!  I’m doing it and I’m not panicking!

And the children are unafraid!

Homeslice was perfectly at ease with her Hello Kitty purse in her lap (which we take everywhere with us–“BAG? BAG? Eh! Eh! Eh!), and Girlfriend didn’t complain even once that “mommy is making it bumpy!”

_MG_5823-67

She did have a few concerns when a lot of smoke filled the cabin after I stopped on (and tried to start up) a particularly steep hill. She complained that it “smells like dog shit.”  I’m very proud that my daughter has inherited my potty mouth. Maybe someday she’ll be a famous blogger just like her mother.

On second inspection of this picture though, it appears that she’s shamelessly trying to suffocate a horse in a plastic bag. Perhaps she’ll be a famous serial killer instead.

Only time will tell, Queefies.

So we haven’t bought anything yet, but we’re looking at one of these babies which I fully intend to plaster with hippy bourgeois bohemian bumper stickers about not eating animals and marriage equality and having abortions and stuff like that. It’s the only way I can drive a station wagon and live with myself. I have to embrace smug middle class hippyness because otherwise it’s just a station wagon and I’m admitting I’m a mother with a bunch of kids and a dog that’s too big to fit in something sassier and cuter and I’m not sexy anymore.

I think I want one in blue or silver though.  I will never own another black car.  They look like crap all the time.

So that’s the news.  We are officially looking for a car, meanwhile putting a car payment aside for a couple of months to make sure it’s comfortable for us and that I can continue to purchase food and heat and diapers with wild abandon like I’ve been doing.

In other words, I am very excited and I cannot wait to get into my new(ish) car and crank up the volume and drive the shit out of that thing all the way to Whole Foods!

Similar Posts:

24 comments

  1. Congrats on driving the stick shift! Feel free to feel superior and smug now. Also, people won’t want to borrow your station wagon to move things/kids/pets because most folks don’t know how to drive one!!

  2. I’m with Patty — Why a manual? Also, you are still sexy. And SAABs are really sexy.

    I miss girlfriend. I like how she said asshole or was it bitch when she was jumping on the couch. Did my kid say asshole? I can’t remember. All I know was that I enjoyed it. And I also enjoyed watching you think oh, I should probably do something about this so Melissa doesn’t judge me. But I wouldn’t have. I would have just walked back up the stairs with you.
    .-= Melissa Lion’s last blog post… I Shouldn&8217t Read Any More Laura Lippman for Now =-.

  3. I have been wanting a stick shift car for a long time. I have dreams about it, even! I don’t know why, I just think it would be more fun to drive. Plus they’re usually cheaper and better on gas.

    I wanted a Volvo but I can’t afford one that isn’t ancient. A four year old Volvo wagon with high mileage is still about $21,999. The Saabs are a little more in our price range. Still expensive for used cars, but better than the Volvos.

    Melissa, I loved how both of our children had choice words within seconds of one another. I was embarrassed until Archie said asshole (Char said bitch) and then I felt like kindred spirits. They will get married and have foul mouthed babies. Beautiful foul mouthed babies. We will be so proud.
    .-= Crissy’s last blog post… Okay- so guess what =-.

  4. I’ve owned 4 volvos, each bought used and each went over 250k before I sold them or scrapped them. If you extend your search back to 2004, you will find volvo wagons in your area at or under 100k miles for @ $10k.

  5. Someday, I will learn to drive a manual, and then I won’t be such an idiot. Also, I miss my blazer and will never buy a car again. SUV. Screw the environment. Sorry, but yanno? I live where SUVs are necessary for things like drifts of snow. And country roads and manure.
    .-= k8’s last blog post… A Challenge =-.

  6. Thing I like about standards is that you actually drive them. You’ll get the hang of it and in a car like the one you’re driving in the video … you can RACE people. Just downshift into 3rd, floor it and … zoom (sorry Crissy’s Husband) …

    That is the cutest Hello Kitty hat!!

  7. I remember when I had to learn how to drive manual trans. I was in college and about to spend a summer in Chicago. I was taking my dad’s car (manual trans) and had 2 weeks to learn before I had to drive his car from Boston to Chicago. There’s nothing like a deadline (impending car purchase!) to whip you into gear! Pun intended. Good luck!

  8. Awesomeness. 🙂 I’ve always been afraid of manual transmissions. I’m glad it went so well for you! And that you’re finally getting the opportunity to do the car shopping you’ve wanted to do. Yay!

    As for bumper stickers, the one I want says, “If you’re going to ride my ass, you could at least pull my hair.” My husband doesn’t want my vehicle seen with it at work, though. *Sigh*

    Best of luck!

  9. how many bumper stickers are we talking here? because there is totally such a thing as too many. like the car i’ve been parking next to at work that i’m not quite sure of the color of…it sorta made my 93 geo look classy. no matter what the homeless man thought.

  10. “…which I fully intend to plaster with hippy bourgeois bohemian bumper stickers about not eating animals and marriage equality and having abortions and stuff like that…”

    That was the best thing I’ve read all day. Which I guess is not much of a compliment as a shampoo bottle and cereal box are the only things I’ve read today. But seriously. That’s some funny shit.
    .-= jennifer’s last blog post… Is anyone else =-.

  11. They totally did let us drink in peace! Hooray for video games! Um, I mean BOOKS. That’s what they were doing. Reading books. Science and Math books. And then they made models of molecules out of play dough.

  12. Congrats on learning to drive stick! I also had a dream once of owning a stick shift rather than an automatic, and it came true! And now its so much fun to drive that I could never go back to an automatic.
    It’s also better for controlling the car on snow/ice… if you have to deal with that crappy kind of weather!

  13. Volvos are better.
    ‘Cuz you can call them vulvas.

    Before you decide you can come over and check out my Vulva and see what you think…

    I keep it really clean……

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *