I’ve just come back from the doctor. I don’t have just one brain tumor.
I have 10 of them.
I have 10 brain tumors.
The good news is that they are very small and benign and they’re not going to treat them, but just keep an eye on them. They’re called “microadenomas” and aside from causing annoying symptoms like the boob juice and maybe the sudden and intense bout with anxiety and the weird periods, they are not cause for alarm.
Except now I totally intend to use them as an excuse for any number of behaviors, like, “I couldn’t do the dishes! I have 10 brain tumors!” or “I cannot WORK, I have 10 brain tumors.” or ” I cannot give you a blow job, I have 10 brain tumors!”
So now we need to think of a new superhero name for me. I’m thinking Adenoma Woman or Super Tumor Lady or something much cooler than something someone with a brain full of tumors can come up with.
I don’t know.
Suggestions are welcome below.
Your Queen is going to live and if I may be honest here, I think I’m pretty badass because when I go, I go BIG. I don’t just get a brain tumor. I get 10.
Top THAT, bitches.
PS: In celebration, I went across the street and bought a pair of very nice and very expensive boots I’ve been lusting after for a long time. Also, I sense a HUGE hangover in my future. Like, tomorrow morning at this time, I should be barely functional.
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I’m so glad they are benign. That’s very, very good news!
You go and buy some more lovely and expensive boots. After all you are a superhero and a superhero needs lovely clothing and such.
.-= Marie’s last blog post… Photo Stitch =-.
Go big! But not too big. Maybe say you go benign this seems better to me. So glad you have an answer!
.-= Melissalion’s last blog post… Scott Toilet Paper &8212 You are Not Welcome in My Bathroom =-.
Glad to hear you’re going to be fine! Now go write a book that I can go buy!
.-= Rebecca’s last blog post… Good Old Dad =-.
Well that is a relief. Congratulations! You’re lucky you don’t have boys because they’d pee in your super boots.
.-= Bat Cave Twidget’s last blog post… Flush Flush! FLUUUUUUSH! =-.
Well you topped me and my f’ed up fake brain tumor syndrome
Glad they’re benign and hope that you are able to work with the symptoms! You know we love our Queen.
empress tooma, 10 benign tumors is kick azzzzzz!
.-= pattypunker’s last blog post… shot in the ass =-.
rock on crissy, way to be, wow, TEN??! when i was nineteen, i had a giant fibroadenoma removed from my left chesticle, it was the size of my dr’s palm! and he had huge hands!! super super glad urs are also benign, please enjoy your hangover for me too!! just heard abt whipped cream flavored vodka and also vodka whipped cream. oh helllllls yes
you are the queen of fucking prolactinomas!
When I found out I had cysts on my ovaries, I used it to guilt-trip everyone in my life for about a month. “Can you get me a glass of water?” “Get it yourself.” “BUT I HAVE CYSTS ON MY OVARIES!”
It was short-lived but awesome.
Benign is a lovely word.
Glad to hear everything is ok. I’ve been very worried about you.
Wow you truly are the Queen of f*ucking everything! Benign is the best word ever. Long live the Queen! Enjoy your celebration, but no drunk vomiting on the new boots.
I’m so glad. So relieved, as I am sure you are too. I am going to have to think of a super awesome name for you, though. Cause seriously? 10 tumors?
.-= k8′s last blog post… Happy Feet Friday =-.
Jesus Christ. You have to overdo it on the brain tumors, don’t you? That’s a lot of tumors. But fuck yeah for benign! Let me know if you need anything, yo.
Damn, TEN tumors? Benign is great to hear! I hope you’re feeling better! Do we get to see the lust boots?!
Damn girl! You freaked me out for a few seconds there. Okay, I’m still a bit freaked out, benign or not. I think your desire and drive to succeed combined with a bit of OCD is not serving you well here. One tumor is sufficient. One. Ten? Well, that’s just greedy.
Crissy,
You must be so relieved to know that there is a rational reason for your symptoms and that it is not a malignancy.
And, you probably already know this, but you are fucking hilarious. I check your blog daily for your thoughts on this fucked up world in which we live….
Best, Jill
.-= Skattebol’s last blog post… Farmers Market =-.
Holy shit! Ten toomas!? Um, I’m glad you’re OK, I guess? That’s crazy. I’ve been wondering how you’ve been, yay for benign! Really, take care, we’d all miss you lots.
Whoa. Happy you have answers, FINALLY.
A hangover totally means you can sleep in your new boots, right?
Hooray for answers! It’s like the benign tumor monster screwed your ear and impregnanted your brain, times ten! Suck on that, Octomom!
Now drown those little buggers in alcohol! Show them who’s the Queen!
With a sense of humor like yours, you can kick butt on anything. I suggest “My brain kicks Ass, people!” T shirts.
Here via the Empress. Very good news about the diagnosis. So sorry you had to go through such a scare. Maybe each tumor should get a different super power. Like the ability to mute the children. Or speed up time during really boring school functions.
And I think your T-shirt should say, “You wouldn’t believe what’s on my mind.”:)
As I am a homosexual man I have quite the experience when it comes to giving other homosexual men blow jobs. When you give blow jobs you must make sure that you go up and down the penis shaft with your mouth and hopefully you can get the full lenth of their penis in your mouth like I do.
If you would like more information give me a call at 1-403-305-7727.
Glad to hear your ten tumours are benign, and trust you to outdo all the people with just ONE tumour!
Also, I’m really glad I clicked through to comment as I now have got some useful advice on blow jobs from the commenter above…
.-= Paula’s last blog post… YOURE NOT GONNA REACH MY TELEPHONE =-.
I say the boots are absolutely deserved after the stress you’ve been though. So happy for you to finally have some answers and good answers at that … I’d totally use them as an excuse too … for EVERYTHING!! As for superhero names, the Queen of F*ing everything pretty much sums it all up.
[...] Crissy has some new friends in her head and she posted something on Facebook about wanting to pay $25 for a knit kitty hat. Um. [...]
Glad you’re OK!
.-= Helen’s last blog post… Thunder and Frightening Barrette =-.
Shoot. I would think ten tumors would justify at least 5 pairs of boots: gold leaf, diamond encrusted and fringed, in a rainbow of colors!
.-= Leigh’s last blog post… I am so glad that I was home for this today =-.