I’ve just come back from the doctor. I don’t have just one brain tumor.
I have 10 of them.
I have 10 brain tumors.
The good news is that they are very small and benign and they’re not going to treat them, but just keep an eye on them. They’re called “microadenomas” and aside from causing annoying symptoms like the boob juice and maybe the sudden and intense bout with anxiety and the weird periods, they are not cause for alarm.
Except now I totally intend to use them as an excuse for any number of behaviors, like, “I couldn’t do the dishes! I have 10 brain tumors!” or “I cannot WORK, I have 10 brain tumors.” or ” I cannot give you a blow job, I have 10 brain tumors!”
So now we need to think of a new superhero name for me. I’m thinking Adenoma Woman or Super Tumor Lady or something much cooler than something someone with a brain full of tumors can come up with.
I don’t know.
Suggestions are welcome below.
Your Queen is going to live and if I may be honest here, I think I’m pretty badass because when I go, I go BIG. I don’t just get a brain tumor. I get 10.
Top THAT, bitches.
PS: In celebration, I went across the street and bought a pair of very nice and very expensive boots I’ve been lusting after for a long time. Also, I sense a HUGE hangover in my future. Like, tomorrow morning at this time, I should be barely functional.