Dear Target, I’ll Kill You TWICE!

So yesterday I went into Target to return some stuff Girlfriend got for Christmas that was either too big for her to wear or had too many little pieces for me to pick up off the floor. They took the toys back without a problem, but the little yoga pants and the sweater were handed, nay, shoved back to me as if they were made of dog shit. The woman was all fucking kinds of snotty and said “ma’am, I cannot take these things back in such poor condition.” And I’m all “What do you mean? The tags are all on. These things have not been worn!” And she was all “We cannot put these things out on the floor like this. They’re COVERED in hair.”

Okay. First of all, there was probably a total of four Pig Pussy furs on the little yoga pants and ONE white poupon of lint on the sweater. Nothing was in “poor condition” and I certainly hadn’t wiped my ass with the stuff like she was implying I had. She didn’t even fold it, she just balled it up and shoved it at me.

So then I was all “so all I have to do is go home and lint roll this stuff and you’ll take it back?” And she was all huffy and was like “If you want.”

I left because there were about ten other Target customers in line behind me patiently awaiting their snotty attitude and their dog shit handsies backsies. Mister told me I should have put up a fuss, but I didn’t want to be rude to the other people. I didn’t want to be THAT Target customer and have everyone hate me. I’ve had enough haters lately, thankyouverymuch.

I took my list of stuff I needed from there and left the store WITHOUT BUYING ANYTHING!

That will teach them! I could have dropped $100 in there easily, but I did not because they’re dicks and I hate Target now.

I’ve been meaning to break up with that place for a long time and now I’ve had enough!

WE’RE THROUGH, TARGET! DO YOU HEAR ME? All. FUCKING. DONE.

Now that I don’t shop there anymore, I might be able to afford to buy myself a fancy car and I will drive by the store and shout rudeness at Target and they will probably cry because they miss me but I will just turn up the radio on my fancy car stereo and not give two shits.

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25 comments

  1. See, the thing is that Target is based in Minnesota and in good ol’ MeanNSnotty, that sort of thing is just “business as usual” and since they think that the veneer of “Minnesota Nice” fools people, (it really doesn’t) they think they can get away with this shit. Yes, I know you are far removed (geographically) from MeanNSnotty but I bet the corporate philosophy of “Who cares about your feelings, just fork over the dough” is drilled into the heads of Target employees everywhere. Also, I am pretty sure they work under the philosophy of “whatcha gonna do, go become one of the ‘People of Walmart’?”

    But, good for you for breaking up with Target. I probably would have gone and gotten a lint roller, stood at the Customer Service Counter and used it and then shoved that stuff right back across the counter. I then would have told a manager that their Customer Service people need an attitude adjustment and access to some lint rollers.

  2. Oh my dear god…you’ve broken things off with Target??!!?? But..but…that’s inconceivable!! You two were so perfect together! Are you certain there can’t be anything done to fix this??

    No? Well…it’ll be ok. There are plenty of other discount department stores out there that will want your business. Unfortunately, instead of employing rude service desk bitches they employ rude “special” service desk bitches. So you can’t even verbally beat them without having someone call the Mean to Retards Police.
    .-= Nambrosia’s last blog post… Evidently I Say Shit A Lot =-.

  3. Fuck Target.

    After ordering something online in NOVEMBER!, I called today to see where the missing order was. Turns out – they CANCELLED it without notifying me or letting me know.

    Uh, thanks Target!

    Also, Kohl’s has the best return policy, they will take anything!

  4. That’s crazy! My husband works at Target and in his store, being rude to a customer is grounds to be fired. (We live in Iowa, by the way, and Minnesotans actually are usually pretty nice….either that or Iowans are just dickheads so I’ve gotten used to epic fuckbaggery… )
    .-= Misty’s last blog post… What a wild ride! Merry Christmas! =-.

  5. Yikes. =/ If I had tried pulling that at Guest Services while I was working at Target, I would have had my ass handed to me. In pieces. That really sucks. 🙁

    And, Misty? Iowans are perfectly wonderful in my experience. Thanks for standing up for Minnesota. 🙂

  6. I would go back with the items and ask to speak with the manager and explain how you were treated. Even if you are breaking up with Target, you deserve your refund and an apology.

  7. Don’t let them roll you over like that. Go back and speak to a manager. I imagine that a kind person with some understanding of customer service is out there looking for a job. Move this woman out of the way and make room for someone who can do the job correctly.

    Cuz if you let her win, then THEY take over. and the next thing you know, you’re Charlton Heston in Omega Man.

  8. Target totally sucks ass.. I got some gift certificates at work for Target and their shit was just that – shit.. except way more expensive than the same shit from walmart.. breaking up is easy to do..haha.

  9. First I’d like to commend you for keeping your composure … I would have never been able to.
    And don’t you just hate the toys that come with a gazillion tiny pieces!
    We don’t have Target in Canada … just Walmart and it’s basically the only decent discount department store too.

  10. When we were registering for baby, some experts in one of our books told people to steer clear of Target registries, mostly because their return policy sucks ass. Part of me appreciates the magnitude of their store and all the “issues” they deal with regarding theft and whatnot … but, to assume guilty before innocence does not a good customer service policy make. Bummer you felt the wrath.

  11. You know, I’m actually glad they say stuff like this because then it just becomes easier for everyone to see that they’ve been dropped on the head one too many times when they were babies.

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