Female Problems

Do you guys remember how I have this remarkable talent for getting my period like, every two weeks sometimes and I call it My Superpower? (that post was written back when I had a sense of humor. You should read it.)

Well, it’s been happening on and off for years and October was a particularly interesting month because I had My Superpower at the beginning of the month and it was normal and perfectly on time and everything and then I got it again in the middle of the month and it didn’t quite go away completely and so I called the doctor and they brought me in for an ultrasound.

Well, my doctor called me at work which made all the blood leave my head and I started crying because I’m always healthy and OH MY GOD MY DOCTOR IS CALLING ME AT WORK I HAVE THE CANCER!!!!

The good news is that my very small fibroids didn’t get any bigger and my ultrasound “looks good overall,” but the lining of my lovely uterus is too thick.   And he wouldn’t tell me what that might mean, but he wants to see me.  But he can’t do an exam until next week because I have My Superpower again, which I’m actually due for and it’s right on time.  Except I just had it.

I have to wait a whole week thinking I might have The Cancer.

So of course I Google “thick uterine lining” and what comes up first  but UTERINE CANCER.

The blood left my head again  and that’s all I needed to see because here’s where what my first grade teacher called “a wonderful imagination” fucks me and I immediately start picturing my funeral.

And then I put Mister on it and as it turns out it might be something as simple as a hormone imbalance and I’m wondering why my doctor couldn’t have just said that so I don’t spend the next week shitting myself and looking at my kids and tearing up because I might not live to see them grow up.

That would be crazy, right?  I don’t have The Cancer, right you guys?

Everyone gets Female Problems sometimes, don’t they?

Except men.  They don’t have trouble with their periods.  Usually.

I’m freaking out and I hope that in like a month from now we all look back on this and laugh and say “remember you had a couple of weird periods and you totally freaked out and you thought you had The Cancer, Crissy?”

Hahahahahahahaha!

That was so silly.

Tell me about your Female Problems and about how you did not die from them, Queefies.

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30 comments

  1. I already told you about mine on FB, but I forgot to mention my suggestion. My OB diagnosed a hormone imbalance (which caused me to have my friend whenever I wasn’t pumping myself full of those Oh so fun cancer causing synthetic hormones so I was stuck with it for a fucking year!!!). Then he over treated it and sent me into peri-menopause. At age 28. That was fun. The closest I’ve come to having it fixed was the result of care from an endocrinologist. BUT-as I mentioned before my body tends to be a bit difficult.
    Your solution could be as simple as applying progesterone cream on certain days of your cycle, which is much healthier than the pills.

  2. I am so sorry to hear you have the bleeds so often. I too suffered from the never-ending bleeds due to fibroids – big ones.
    Needless to say I stopped my bleeds by having a partial hysterectomy. (still have my ovaries) since I was of age that getting pregnant would not have been a joyous gift.
    You are in my thoughts, all good ones of course.

  3. i had a friend whose superpower never went away either – not sure the cause (NOT CANCER though) and the ladydoc ended up putting her on DOUBLE birth control, like the shot + pills. which, uh, wouldn’t work so well if you’re not on bc, so maybe not so helpful. except that it WASN’T CANCER.
    .-= Alice’s last blog post… odds &amp ends =-.

  4. i do so have trouble with periods.

    my wife’s are fucked up!

    seriously, YOU ARE GOING TO BE FINE. this is an opportunity to actually understand some of the things you’ve been living with for a very long time (massive pms bloat, general lack of energy, etc). finally get some answers.

    IT IS NOT CANCER. you just had a beautiful healthy baby girl 17 months ago, with NO complications whatsoever.

    you’ve got to have faith. i know it’s hard not knowing, but i have only the best, most positive feelings about all of this.
    .-= Crissy’s Pimp’s last blog post… november 5 =-.

  5. I went in for a routine checkup and the jocular Indian doctor pushed around on my abdomen and said, “And what is this? There is a mass.” I said, “Um, sometimes I get little cysts,” and he said, “Well this is the size of an orange.” And so I spent a week or so assuming that I was going to die of advanced ovarian cancer, and although it did turn out to be a tumor of sorts it was a dermoid, which is benign. So I did not die and got a good story out of it.

    The Internet lies; do not google your symptoms. You’ll be fine.
    .-= Cobwebs’s last blog post… Seen Online =-.

  6. Something in my gut tells me you’re just imbalanced. If it makes you feel better (and it’s perfectly understandable if it doesn’t), I’ve been bleeding from my lady bits for 2 weeks and it’ll likely continue for another 4 weeks. And I have to wear pads that remind me of adult diapers because, due to the surgery, I’m not allowed to stick anything up there. Granted, this is 6 weeks of my life, not years of my life, but I’m trying to relate. Don’t shoot me.
    .-= Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks’s last blog post… Rewards =-.

  7. I have some female problems I’d like to discuss with my girly bits doctor……..I have the teasing period. I will sit on the potty and pee like a big girl and when I wipe it’s like “wow, I caught it just in time” because there is blood when I wipe my pee pee part. (Like when you wipe during period days) I put a pad in place and it’s blood free all day long. About three days later my period REALLY starts and then it’s all normal and stuff. But what is up with that pre-period?
    .-= Rebecca’s last blog post… No Shave November =-.

  8. You know, Ken’s right. This is your opportunity to get it all sorted out by a doctor that’s willing to FIGURE it out once and for all. If you had cancer, they would have known when you had Homeslice. Seriously. SERIOUSLY. You have to believe me. And I sent you stickers, and stickers don’t lie. You’re going to be great.
    .-= k8’s last blog post… Therapy Tuesday =-.

  9. My father says that when women give birth vaginally they odds of ovarian & uteran cancer go way, way down so you have that in your favor.

    I would highly recommend a second opinion after you meet w/ your doc. Two heads are better than one you know *and* maybe consider alternative treatments in conjuction with whatever the doc says.
    .-= bat cave twidget’s last blog post… Guilty Pleasures =-.

  10. I know this isn’t the most encouraging information but my girlfriend has had similar symptoms for years. Her periods have been all over the place and for about 6 months now she’s been getting them every two weeks. She’s currently dealing with her second bout with cervical cancer.
    The first, we caught early enough and ended up not being very serious, this time… more so. I definitely think you should go to the doc. It may be nothing, but it may not.
    .-= Allen’s last blog post… Street light =-.

  11. Aunt Flo is a fucked up bitch here, too, caused by the whoremones ever since I had spawn #3. Never know when she’ll show up. But get yours checked out throughly – it’s most likely the whoremones, but just be sure. Then you can finetune the Superpowers.

  12. why do they make us wait!!! that just makes the anxiety and worry inflate. i had a huge cyst on my ovary and they had to go in to biopsy it and remove it. they said it could be cancerous. it turned out to be benign, but i had endometriosis. not cancer! it took forever to get through it all.

    i’m praying for you and hope you can get answers STAT. i’m sure it won’t be anything serious, but understand your need to know right away. (((hugs)))
    .-= pattypunker’s last blog post… it’s good to be queen =-.

  13. Ask your doctor about uterine ablation. It worked great for me. Completely painless, done under general anesthesia, and took about 10 min. But if you aren’t finished having children, I’m not sure it’s a good option.

    Good luck!
    Kim

  14. Most ladies want a thick uterus when trying to get prego so it can’t be a really bad thing I would hope. I will say I had a huge tumor removed resulting I’m the reconstruction of my uterus in january and if I can make it through that you can make it through this. We’re tough women you and I.
    .-= Nic’s last blog post… White stuff =-.

  15. Crissy – I’ve been reading for a while, but I’ve never commented. Just wanted to tell you that you are most likely fine. I just recently had my left ovary removed due to a large mass of infection that had swallowed it. For ten days I was in the hospital with the oncologist coming in every day talking to me about how it was “most likely a germ cell cancer”. blah blah blah. Turned out to be an infection and all is well now. The waiting is ALWAYS the worst part. You are doing what you need to do, seeing your doctor. They will figure it out and get you fixed up. I will be praying for you and your family. Hope you get some peace while you are waiting – Lissa

  16. I got my period every other week for over a year – ON the pill. Now I’m stuck with another year where I don’t get it every other week, I just get it for two whole weeks all at the same time. Post what you find out, because its been about 4 years since I had a regular, normal, monthly period. And I’m thisclose to an at home hysterectomy!

  17. I also Vote NOT CANCER.

    After my first child my uterus tried to kill me. For YEARS. I was right there w/ Janice trying to figure out how to remove my uterus through my belly button.

    *hugs* it’s scary as fuckall to think you might have The Cancer. You should see me lose my shit when I have an “abnormal pap”. Happened once, I nearly lost it.
    .-= Nambrosia’s last blog post… After Halloween Its Pretty Much Just Downhill Til You Hit January =-.

  18. I frequently had periods that came too often and lasted too long, during my period-ing years. Acupuncture and Chinese herbal medicine can help with this quite a bit. In the end, the fibroids just got too big, and I bade fare thee well to my uterus, who I don’t miss. But anyhoo, the reason I recommend trying Traditional Chinese Medicine is that it balances hormones naturally; no need to mess with synthetic hormones. It might take a while to sart working, but I think it’s better in the long run, as they can treat other symptoms while they’re at it! They look for patterns. And they ask all sorts of embarassing questions about peeing, pooping, and the details of menstruation.
    .-= Helen’s last blog post… Red and Gold Fleurette Hair Clip or Brooch =-.

  19. I’ve had girl part problems too, and I’m only 22. I had CIN1 changes on my cervix last year, and usually they leave those alone cause they’ll go away by themselves. But I had bleeding after sex EVERY TIME and after about 9 months of no sex and waiting for it to go away, I got sick of it and got the changed area surgically removed. Plus my mum had the same thing a few years earlier, but was at the stage before it turns into cancer so that was a factor in opting for the surgery. I’m all fine now and having tonnes of problem free sex with my boyfriend 😀 It will all be okay and they’ll figure out what is causing it and fix it and you’ll be all good. And maybe your superpower will get a lot less super in the process!

  20. I have ongoing girl problems, where it will come, overstay it’s welcome, go away for a few days, oh surprise I’m back again and then will move in and sleep on my couch for months on end. My OB checked me for hormone imbalance, thyroid, did ultrasounds, tried different medicines and eventually threw her hands in the air and said I have no f’ing clue. And then my uterus laughed its evil laugh and stopped messing around. My uterus is a villian.
    .-= Woman with kids’s last blog post… Boys will be cranky toddlers =-.

  21. Listen to Pimp.

    And to KSR!

    Go with the ablation, if you get the choice or if not, ask for it! It’s like a PAP, but while you’re napping!! And as Pimp is ‘fixed’, no worries on the futures. After my baby, ‘The Rump Roast’, I went through all the things you are going through, and was diagnosed with a thick uterus. I would have ‘the visit’ for two weeks every other week!! And during those two weeks I couldn’t leave the house because of ‘leakage’. By the time I’d had enough, I BEGGED my doc to REMOVE everything involving girly bits because my WHOLE life was revolving around that one week!! I was one of the first to try this ‘new procedure’ way back when!! It was THE BEST thing in the world for me! And one of the best perks is that one of the ‘side effects’ can be the loss of your Superpowers(or light spotting!!)!!!!!! For me there has been NO Superpowers since!! Whoooooooot!! 🙂

  22. the ablation sounds interesting, at least after the little research i’ve done so far.

    i DO believe however that crissy has had a deficiency of progesterone for most of her adult life. it’s just that we’ve reached a tipping point and the more obvious symptoms have started to present themselves (irregular/frequent bleeding, endometrial hyperplasia).

  23. Sound like it to me too Pimp. I STRONGLY encourage progesterone cream over Provera or whatever other synthetic crap they try to push. I’ve been dealing with an imbalance (and infertility) for 5 years, so I’m kind of a pro by now. The cream has less side effects and is kinder to the body.

  24. that’s what i hear too, tess.

    the provera has but one “advantage”: it’s patentable by the pharmaceuticals, so they can make more money off it.

    we’ll see what the doc says…

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