Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, girl You’re a pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty girl Pretty, pretty Such a pretty, pretty, pretty girl

Hey Queefies!

Happy Tuesday!

If you ask me, Tuesday is just Monday’s older, whore sister.  Nothing is better on Tuesday.  Nothing at all.  It’s really not that much closer to Friday and so it still blows monkeys.

I do not like.

Wednesday is kind of a douchewagon and Thursday is like, moderately annoying. Friday is okay. We order take-out on Friday. I can deal with Friday.

But despite it being Tuesday, I am actually in a pretty decent mood today.  I am as surprised by this as you are.  I was driving to work and “Beast of Burden” came on the radio and I was suddenly aware that I didn’t want to kill anyone. I think I might really like that song.

It would have been ultra luxurious to have listened to it on non-blown speakers, but we can’t have everything, can we?

So. What else?

I spent a little time working on my Zombie Prom Halloween costume on Sunday. It’s an orange prom dress with a red and orange floofy tulle skirt. I splashed blood all over it and some mud and some chalk-y gray water. It looks like hell. And Mister fixed the garage door wearing a tuxedo he found at Savers. Everyone must think we’re nuts. I had blood spattered clothing hanging on the line to dry, and Mister was walking around like Lurch.

We’re the balls, pretty much.

We’re having a party on Saturday and everyone is coming. We even hired babysitters to run the kid’s party in the porn basement. You can come too, if you want. I’ll be the one across the street hiding under Michele’s bed. You’ll see my bloody orange tulle skirt sticking out because lots of people give me The Anxiety. Even when I know them all.

What are you going to be for Halloween? What are you bringing to my party?


The Wanda dog people blew me off for the fifth time, so I think I’m all done there after 8 weeks of trying to get this one dog. I found a Giant Schnauzer that we might want and we might meet her this weekend if the guy I’m supposed to call for an appointment ever answers his damned phone.

Does anyone have any experience with Giant Schnauzers? My research tells me they’re kind of assholey. I don’t want/need an 80 lb assholey dog. Maybe this is the non-assholey variety of Giant Schnauzer?

We’re thinking of getting a new car! FOR ME!!!!!!! Because I’ve only been asking for one for 8 billionty years. I think we should wait until after Christmas though because a car payment plus Christmas means I’d have to sell an awful lot of panties.

And finally, there’s somebody I’d like you to meet. Some of you might know her as Bat Cave Twidget. She’s been around a little bit here and there and she’s a funny lady. She’s a friend of a friend who I now like more than the original friend (just kidding, Valerie!)

You need to go read her blog because she’s a crazy dog lady, and she’s been helping me figure out my way through the rescue dog thing and also, I kind of made her start a blog and so now I need to bring her some Queefs.

God. Could I BE any more boring today? Seriously. What the hell?

Go read Bat Cave Twidget. The story about her birthdays will make you want to hug her.

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  1. Hm, that’s funny. I’ll be wearing an orange prom dress for Halloween too. Oh, wait, except that it’s not actually a prom dress and it’s not actually for Halloween but for the wedding I’m in the day before Halloween. Which, despite the color choice, is not a Halloween themed wedding.
    .-= stealthnerd’s last blog post… Uncool =-.

  2. Ahh, we’re not doing anything for Halloween. We don’t even have any kids in the neighborhood to come trick-or-treating!


    We did just buy $92.00 in pumpkins!! Yep….two 45 lb pumpkins(yes that’s right…..FOURTY FIVE POUNDS!!) I’ll bet Girlfriend AND Homeslice would fit in one of them with room for toys!! 🙂

  3. Ahh, we’re not doing anything for Halloween. We don’t even have any kids in the neighborhood to come trick-or-treating!


    We did just spend $92.00 on pumpkins!! Yep….two $46 pumpkins. I’ll bet Girlfriend AND Homeslice would fit in one of them with room for toys!! 🙂

  4. You and Mister are the balls!! My costume will be a grouchy face because it’s on a Sunday and that’ll mean having to wash everyone’s make-up off and get them ready for bed since the next day will be a school day … won’t even mention the war zone due to sugar rush … but ya a party sounds awesome!

    Congrats on the new car … make sure it’s faster than his.

    I can’t say that you’re ever boring.

  5. Awww! You are so totally my favorite person today and I like you better than the original friend too. Shhhh, nobody tell! Shit. Maybe I’ll send her a cheesecake. The last one was heart shaped but the Fed Ex man left the box on it’s side so Val thought she got a butt shaped cheesecake which we know is not actually beyond me. I like you both the same. Different but the same.
    .-= Bat Cave Twidget’s last blog post… Please- don’t do me any favors =-.

  6. Errrmmmm … just out of curiousity … where did you get the blood that you splashed on the prom dress? Are there any pets missing in your neighborhood? 🙂
    .-= RockyCat’s last blog post… Im back! =-.

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