Today, I make Kapusta

Only I make it with garbanzo beans because sausage is yucky. And, I’ve had a loaf of rye bread rising since yesterday so tonight’s dinner, while comprised mostly of cabbage and bread, will be pretty kick ass and Polish-y.  Not to mention that we don’t even have $30 in our bank account right now so even if we wanted to eat something other than cabbage and bread, we couldn’t.  I’m also just now wondering if I have Sauerkraut in the pantry because I’m fucked if we don’t.  I could prolly scrape up enough change from around the house to run out for a can of that, I guess.  Just don’t tell Mister I bought anything, okay?

Being po’ sucks ass, you guys.  We tried to re-finance our house, and as it turns out, we can’t do it because we are upside down because the fuckers who bought the gigantic, gorgeous old house behind us got it for a song and it really hurt our property value. We now owe more than the house is worth.  Last year, we were up $100,000.  Sucks.  But the good news is that we can still pay for our house and if we have to have cabbage soup sometimes at the end of the week on mortgage check week, so be it.  There are worse things.  Like we could be out there pooper scooping and making a lively Shadoobie Stew out of Alice’s ultra processed dog food.  Now THAT’S how to reduce, reuse, recycle, amiright?  And if we get another dog, that’s more food for us!  It’s like money in our pockets!

You’re not hardcore, unless you live hardcore.  I’ve been telling you guys that for years.

Actually, I’m totally informing the next dirty hippie I see that we do that, and also that we fertilize the garden with the contents of my Diva Cup.

I love watching people slowly step away with their hands out in that “I don’t want any trouble, I’m just going to back away quietly” stance.

It’s cute, and it makes them go away.

Did you Queefs know that Mister is 1/2 Polish and I’m 1/4 Polish and so that makes Homeslice and Girlfriend….what?

Polish + some other crap.

Is my math right on that?

I’m not so good with The Math.

What I do know is that at this very moment Homeslice has a handful of Girlfriend’s hair and she (Homeslice) is shrieking like a Howler Monkey because she wants to sit next to me and Girlfriend is in her way. Ironically, Girlfriend, in an attempt at self-defense, is beating Homeslice in the face with the book The Philosophical Baby.

The Polish are a jealous, violent, and shrill people.

On second thought, I’m not sure feeding them the food of their ancestors is such a great idea after all.

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12 comments

  1. I appreciate viewing men and women gradually step aside with their arms out in that “I really don’t want any hassle, I’m just going to again aside quietly” stance.

  2. Last time I went to the grocery store, everything I bought was WIC approved. That means I’m super poor. Hahaha! I seriously don’t know how I’m going to afford to eat when my garden is all gone. I’ll have to portion out the frozen corn and green beans.

    I’m half Irish. That means I was half bound to become a drunk. I lived up to my end of the deal, right?
    .-= k8’s last blog post… Its Wednesday =-.

  3. Hey Crissy you should call the guy who wanted to buy the used panties and see if he wants to add to his collection. Money in the bank right there. Better yet, call the wife. I recently started working nights because it pays way better. I am half dead from exhaustion, so maybe that isn’t working so well for me.

  4. You aren’t poor until you’ve lived off only $35K. That’s all my husband makes per year…………I’m a stay at home mom and we do NOT qualify for food stamps and WIC which…..oh well. We make ends meet, right?
    .-= Rebecca’s last blog post… Fall Crafts =-.

  5. Never heard of Kapusta … maybe you could market the dog poo as fertelizer, or better yet as fuel. I sometimes throw it in the fire pit, add some gasoline and poof …

    Sibling rivalry is so much fun.

  6. Do you know how to make Pierogi? I love them. I love them so much I could die eating dozens and not even care. In fact, it might even be the best way to die. Isn’t Martha Stewart Polish? I think so.

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