Bourgeois Bohemian

Happy Fall, Queefies!

I love fall, but with every new season comes the need for…duh. duh. duuuuuunnnnn

New clothes.

You know how I hate shopping for clothes, right? You should click on that.  It’s from way back when I was fun.

But I had to totally douche my wardrobe the other day after crying and tossing shit over my head and swearing.  I wound up with two trash bags full of stuff to throw away and another one full of shoes and sweaters and pants and shirts and other crap to donate to Saver’s. I pretty much had nothing left but a couple of pairs of jeans and some not too horrible shirts. I’ve been buying stuff for the kids and I forget to buy stuff for myself and so now all my stuff is just ratty.

Actually, that’s not completely true. Shopping for me sucks and every time I start, I get frustrated and go “I wonder what they’ve got for kids! Lemme check realquick” and then the kids wind up with something wonderful and cute and my shit just gets older and tireder.

People think I’m the Third World Refugee Nanny.

So lately I’ve been shopping and forcing myself to stay on task and not go to the kid’s department. I’ve brought home a few things to try on because fucking forget trying shit on at the store with a 15 month-old. It’s all grab and go for me right now. And I’ve promptly brought it all right back. I bought a bunch of shit online from Gap but their clothes are as exciting as a bag of white sweat socks. I now have some very sassy long-sleeved Favorite Tees in white, navy, and charcoal! YAY!

Are we asleep yet?

I got some sweaters too, but this stuff is all just staples. None of it is pretty, and none of it is making me feel fierce.  I guess right now I’m just settling for not homeless?

If I could, I would totally try to rock some super feminine bohemian thing because that’s the stuff I gravitate toward, but whenever I actually try to coordinate something like that, I look like I’m wearing a Gypsy Halloween costume. Also, where do you find stuff like that? Stuff I can actually afford. They ain’t got that shit over at Gap, I can tell you that much.

I’ve also been trying to find some fabulous patterned tights with maybe some flowers on them or a non-dorky paisley (can paisley ever be non-dorky? I say yes) to wear with a denim mini skirt and my Dansko Sallys or something and NOT STRIPES and NOT FISHNET and NOT NEON, but they don’t exist.

I totally HATE the 80’s bullshit right now. I do not want a shirt with a guitar on it. I’m all fucking set.

And forget about shoes. I have not seen one single pair of shoes that I would want to wear in a long, long time. I went to DSW and out of that whole sea of freakin’ shoes, there was ONE pair I liked and they didn’t have my size.

Are we getting a feel for why I dress like an old fishwife now?

Yeah.

So where do you guys shop? I need you to send me where you find stuff that is non-hideous and non-Third World Refugee Nanny or you may used the form provided below to share your own wardrobe drama.

Please and thank you.

PS:  In stark contrast to the commenter last week at Toy with Me who clutched her pearls at my use of the term “cum dumpster,” yesterday someone called me a prude.  A PRUDE!  ME!!!!  Can you even imagine?  To that I say, “Mon. Dieu.” and also “Ah-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That’s some funny stuff right there.”  I want so much to go over there and defend myself, but I will not lower myself to the level of the trolls.  I will’nt.  But I soooo want to. Have I ever admitted to you guys how hard it is to come up with stuff to write about every week, and to be criticized for I say and for revealing intimate details of my sex life it…well, you know.  Aunt Becky is also a prude, fyi.   This person clearly does not understand the mighty awesome Internettian power Aunt Becky and I wield.  Well, mostly her, but me a little bit too.  We could hurt people with our words if we so chose!

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35 comments

  1. I wear scrubs to work and I am fashion challenged. In other words I am of no use to you in this matter. I struggle with trying to find clothes to wear when I am not at work. Maybe we should nominate each other for “What Not To Wear” and let them do us over.

  2. I second the shoes…seriously – they are trying to sell some fugly shoes these days.

    The past 3 times I have needed shoes it’s been a challenge.

  3. I like Kohl’s, but I’m broke, so it’s all clearance racks for me. Just picked up the cutest dresses for $8 each!
    And, about Toy With Me, don’t they realize it isn’t a coincidence you have been writing for the blog for as long as you have, while others have come and gone? You are GOOD at it. Let them hate – I’d like to see them try.

  4. Oh sure, the Anthropologie sale starts today. Not on Labor Day when I had an out of body experience and bought 4 dresses, two sweaters and two coats. Then I got distracted at Macy’s and bought a couch. Next is shoes.

  5. haha love the pimp post. I am totally (yeah had to put that in there) hating the 80’s BS too. I hated it the first time around and now I am hating it again! A 30 year old in a ripped up looking black and neon tee shirt? Yep no thanks. I also don’t want to put my child in the same styles from when I was a kid. Damn I thought I had escaped that shit!

  6. Kohl’s has good sales, as does occasionally Macy’s. I’m with you on the shoes though. I love sandals, but haven’t found anything good lately – just those dumb Roman sandals or some dumb spiky heeled thing. Um, hello, I’m a normal 33 yr old professional woman – not a Roman gladiator or a prostitute. Anyway, I also hate clothing shopping. I have a new job starting Monday and had to buy some more clothes. I cried and tried on everything in like 3 stores. Came home with some stuff, but no suits and not quite enough. UGH.

    PS I know you love Target, have you tried their tights? They have the CUTEST ones for babies – these little flowered job-ies with little mary jane looking things at the bottom. So my baby looks like she has on tights with shoes! SO CUTE. Target does have some cute tights for adults too, but I haven’t been able how to pull them off at work.

  7. Uh….crissy, sorry, but gf, you already did lower yourself to the level of the “trolls”, by being upset for their wee comments, and for what???

    You put yourself on the line like you do and you better expect it.

  8. I really don’t care what you wear. It’s your writing that show’s you have a lively mind and that’s what’s attractive to me. I think you should just wear a thin film of mayonnaise so you’re difficult to catch…

  9. I buy 99.9% of everything online, because, like you said, can’t shop with a kid. And they never have my size, anyway. I like Piperlime. And also Gilt Group, but that is not predictable, like you never know what they will have. I am not an anthropologie fan because i feel like all that shit only looks good on the friggin model in the pastoral setting, and none of it is actually wearable.
    .-= The Sweetest’s last blog post… Today- I’ve Got Lots of Questions And No Answers =-.

  10. I’m boring and get most of my clothes from Old Navy or Gap, that is, when I’m not shopping at Goodwill. So I’m really no help. Though I do relate to wanting to look all bohemian and cool and ending up just looking like a bad gypsy costume.

  11. Hey I m here after long time and No you are not prude it’s totally ok to give details about your sex life intact you guys should totally make a hardcore site of both of you I bet that would be number 1 site on www cuz ur just so hot !!!

  12. I read the comments again maybe she wanted you to go hard ore just like I do cuz ur toooooo hot n pretty for what u do make a site and the monthly membership fee should be around 1000$ that will make it exclusive and your die hard fans likemyself will go there wow I just gave u the most brilliant idea ever u should totally do it

  13. I’m a little late for this post but if you have a TJ Maxx or Marshall’s out your way (I’m in Vegas so they may be west coast stores) these two stores carry very cute Betsy Johnson patterned tights for like 10 bucks. I’ve also seen cute ones at Target sometimes but that is hit and miss. Good luck with the clothes, I’m going through the same shit right now dealing with winter clothes.
    .-= Sabreena’s last blog post… I Curse Therefore I Reap II =-.

  14. i just found you so i’m wicked late on this one.
    yyeeeaaaahh!! i totally get it, had to comment, i never comment on anything. i see people with their clothes and they’re all cute and stuff and i wanna look cute to!! damnit. i go shopping and suddenly it’s “cool” to dress like an old lady? nah, i’m good on that one. so i stick with my staple. jeans, black tee shirt. i have like 50 gajillion plain black tee shirts. to “so…” brand at target has one that fits my perfect, makes the ladies look super awesome if i do say so myself.
    i type like english isn’t my first language.
    tally-ho!

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