So it’s going well.
Girlfriend got on the bus without a fuss and had a wonderful day. Her favorite part was the bus ride because she says she’s “fallen in love with the bus monitor” (I am totally screwed) and her least favorite part was when a kid licked her Good Luck Bear necklace.
HE LICKED HER NECKLACE!
Horrified, Girlfriend asked if she could use the bathroom and pretended that she was peeing and said she went into the stall and made a “psssssssssssss” noise, flushed the toilet, came out, went to the sink and while washing her hands, washed her Good Luck Bear necklace.
I love that she made a “psssssssssssss” noise for authenticity.
And then yesterday as we were walking home from the bus, some guy was standing on his doorstep with his first grader huddled into his leg and he says “Excuse me. My daughter has something to say to you” and then his kid tells me that “she was saying Maya’s name.” Okay…AND…? But that’s all I could get. I guess she was accusing Girlfriend of being mean. Because she said a kid’s name. At least that’s what I could piece together from calling other parents of kids who were on the bus with them. Poor Girlfriend had no idea why she was in trouble. I think little miss first grade needs to put her big girl panties on and I fully intend to tell her so at the bus stop this morning. I practiced my speech all night. Probably I won’t use the word “fishcunt” though. I might save that for the next time she has a problem with my Girlfriend. Also, it might be possible that the bottle of Chardonnay I drank last night made me think calling a first grader a fishcunt would be totally appropriate.
So yes. Your Crissy is officially the mother of a kindergartner and it’s not so bad as I thought. Life is way, way easier having only one kid to deal with and so I don’t miss her as much as I thought I would. I hate saying that, because I do miss her a lot, but just…you know…I miss her in a different way.
Here’s the part where I give you permission to do the “told ya, told ya, told ya so” dance.
I hate it when the Internet is right.
Did I tell you guys I want another dog? I do. I’ve wanted another dog for about three years now and back when we were deciding to have Homeslice, it was between her and a Labradoodle. Anyone who’s been reading for a while knows this. And I haven’t stopped wanting another dog since then, but lately I’ve been really, really wanting one.
Maybe it’s my kindergarten separation anxiety coming through? Maybe because it’s fun to think about? Maybe it’s because I love dogs and I always have. And so does Girlfriend. And so does Alice. And so does Homeslice. The only one around here who does not want another dog is Mister (and maybe Big Pussy). He’s always going on about having enough to take care of as it is and blah, blah, blah…He’s boring.
I dog sat for two weeks this summer and to be honest, taking care of two dogs was no big whoop. I liked having a bigger dog around the house because I felt safer. Alice is just a little ankle biter and nobody is scared of her. So, I’m looking for a medium sized, non-shedding, housebroken, neutered, adult dog with good manners who likes dogs, cats, little children, and folding laundry. And when I find it, Mister will probably say “no,” but a girl can keep dreaming, right? I can also just get the dog and hide it, and when Mister comes home and finds a dead would-be predator and all the laundry folded, I can bust out the dog and be like “HA!”
- Dude does NOT look like a lady, but I’ll take it!
- Some days I wonder why I don’t just run away forever
- The Litter Critters
- Free to good home, or not so good home, Crissy doesn’t care
- Honestly, you’re probably better off not even reading this.