Do you hate it when the only facebook updates people give are to let you know they’re out having a life and how fun it is?
What the fuck is that?
Like, don’t they have anything else going on in their lives other than vacations and fabulous dinners out with friends? Don’t these people ever get pissed they have to do the dishes or…or get hemorrhoids?
I wanna see what’s really going on with my “friends,” not what they want everyone to think their life is like.
It ain’t all Margaritas and beaches and the. most. amazing. sushi! all the fucking time.
I want something truly interesting to happen to them because eventually the sushi is gonna give them The Diarrhea and then what will they have to say?
Absolutely nothing because their lives are nothing but awesome all the time, or so they would have us believe.
Like, wouldn’t it be more fun to read about how they got bloody ‘roids on the beach, and how the blood attracted sharks who ate their legs off but left their assholes (because sharks know that if you eat hemorrhoids, you get them), and so now they have a spilled Margarita, hemorrhoids, and no legs.
That’s the story I wanna hear!
I think I’m going to start leaving updates like that in hopes it will inspire the “ahhhh. surf and sand. It doesn’t get any better that this!” people to cut the shit.
And if you think I’m jealous of those people, you’re totally wrong. I’ve already done my self-exploration on that one. They’re just obnoxious and it makes me stabby to think that they think these updates are interesting to anyone other than themselves.
Oh, and those “pics to come later” that they promised? I’m not exactly sitting on my computer waiting anxiously for them to post, so they can take their time on that one. I might look at them once they’re up, but it’s only to check to see if there’s a tampon string hanging out of the bathing suit.
Have any of you Queefies been truly interested in the details of someone else’s vacation? Be honest. I can’t be alone here.
PS: It is not lost on me that I post a myriad of updates on the latest happenings of my children, but they are way, way cuter than your umbrella drink vacation.