What’s in *your* lunchbox?

I love these little talks we have because I always sort of assume that everyone had the same kind of childhood and we ALL had lunchboxes and we ALL brought lunch to school.

But some of us were “buyers” as we called it at our school, and ate the provided school lunch. I was always jealous of those kids because my lunchbox was full of crap like whole wheat bread and apples and milk. My mom has always been a vegetarian, and as such, she had no clue how to make any sandwich other than cheese or PB&J. I remember requesting a bologna sandwich like everyone else had, and she made it, but she put butter on it. And my mom doesn’t screw around with butter. When she puts butter on something, she puts some motherlovin’ butter on it. Like, at least 1/4 inch or more.

Butter and bologna on whole wheat is an abomination. Everyone (except my mom) knows that bologna should be eaten on Wonder bread with trailer park mustard and a side of chips(preferably with ruffles) to be washed down with a coke.

Anything else is just stupid.

And in all my years of elementary school, nobody would trade a pack of Ring Dings or a bag of Doritos for a freaking pear. I was always totally stuck with my bullshit healthy lunch. I used to beg my mom to let me buy lunch when they had pizza or tater tots because those things were always kick ass and they came with a nice big spoonful of floppy salad dripping in oily Italian dressing. I loved the floppy salad and the pizza that looked like an old lady’s finger underneath the cheese.

I know I don’t have to say it, but tater tots are The Food of the Gods. I like them medium brown with mayo and a ton of salt because I’m a dirty girl. Slightly undercooked ones have to have ketchup though.

Everyone is totally craving tater tots right now, right?

Sorry.

But for all my complaints about the contents of my lunchbox, I have to thank my mom. Because of her, I have some good eating habits (and a raging butter addiction) and my lunchbox still has many of the same bullshit healthy things in it to this day. It’s a tradition of Torture by Whole Wheat I fully intend to pass down to my daughters. Also, packing lunches is a pain in the ass. It takes forever to pack a healthy lunch and so I have to say thanks for taking the time to do that, mommy!

When I do Girlfriend’s lunches, I’m not buying anything in a convenience package because we have to be green so we can be smug. I spent $26 on 3 little stainless steel lunch containers because I’m better than you. I also have pretty patterned cloth napkins I bought at Saver’s because I’m really, really better than you.

See?

Tradition of smugness.

But just so you don’t have to go kill yourself because your virtue pales so in comparison to mine, just know that right now, Homeslice is eating a box of Nerds that she got for herself out of the bag of candy Mister keeps by the bed for his midnight munchie festivals and managed to open it by herself. I’m too busy blogging to stop her, so there. I’m not that much better than everyone. I let my kids eat Nerds for breakfast (it happened yesterday too).

It’s a TWM day!

I’m Not In The Mood For Sexy Time

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22 comments

  1. My kiddos lunchbox is a shade greener than last year. I bought the little princess sandwich holder and princess sports bottle but I still give her the individual chip bags and fruit cups. Oh well! BTW I was unaware but apparently my 3 year old had chips and M&MS for breakfast yesterday before she woke me up. Oh well one day won’t kill her I guess.

  2. I’m so glad there are greenies out there to help save the planet because I just don’t care about healthy stuff or being green. I pack my kids lunch in a plastic zip lock (new one every day) along with a new paper bag that is full of sparkles and pink and purple. I like to trash things up a bit.
    .-= Rebecca’s last blog post… Fragmented =-.

  3. I didn’t get over here yesterday, so I’m just reading yesterday and today. I had a Strawberry Shortcake and a Care Bears lunch box – the good solid metal kind. Mom used white bread, but I pretty much refused to eat anything other than PB&J or salami, pepperoni, and provolone (why yes, I’m Italian, how did you guess). I didn’t learn good eating habits, but I was skinny because I played outside all the time. I LOVED oatmeal cream pies – I to this day swear they are good for me because of the oatmeal.

    PS I don’t like tater tots, but am now totally craving Ring Dings (we can’t get some of that stuff on the west coast – no Funny Bones, no Entemanns, no Tasty Kakes, NOTHING)

  4. I feel your pain, oh queen. Grade school was one long 8-year blur of misery and ridicule for me, centered on the dreaded lunchtime. While I don’t remember whose mug was on my lunchbox, it was eclipsed by the horrors that lay waiting for me inside.

    I was the kid who had a meatloaf sandwich on 7-grain bread and grapes. Or a thermos of goulash. Gazpacho with a side of sardines? I’m sure they made it into the mix at least once. Our family were lower-middle class culinary pretenders (although thinking back, some of that swill wasn’t half bad), and my mom and step dad seemed to spend most of their time thinking up new ways to torture us with food. Liver, rutabagas, brussels sprouts, and all I wanted was a motherlovin’ PBJ or bologna on Wonder and some chips.

    Needless to say, not only was I never able to trade for anything decent, but I usually had lots of elbow room at the table, being all by myself and all.

  5. The last time I sent my dd’s lunch to school, it was a Happy Meal purchased the night before and stored in the fridge overnight. (GAG! Her idea and she paid for it with her own money. All I did was drive the car)

  6. OMG! My mother puts 1/4 inch of margarine on every sandwich! Ew! Doesn’t matter if it’s a meat sandwich or peanut butter. *shudders*

    I haven’t made it to stainless steel boxes yet, but my oldest is entering 7th grade and has always had whole wheat in a reusable plastic box, piece of fresh fruit or carrots, another item like string cheese (haven’t found them without wrappers yet) or homemade cookies or leftover holiday candy, then a stainless steel bottle of ice water. And you know what? He and my 6th grade daughter pack their own lunches now the same way and think nothing of it. And they are healthy, well-liked and no one gives them crap. But I do keep some money in their school account so they can buy a school lunch if one kicks ass.

    You’re ahead of the game Crissy. You should be smug. Your girls with thank you for their good eating habits when they’re older.

  7. Daisee- I can’t believe you don’t like Tater Tots! How is that possible! Do you want me to mail you some junk food? I totally will if you want it!
    Bill- I have a co-worker who eats sardines. They stink. It’s no wonder you were alone, but I’ll tell you what. You were the healthiest kid in the lunch room!
    Tess- How do you sleep at night? hahahahahaha!
    Thanks Nikki!
    Joeinvegas- Bento boxes ARE the big thing right now, but I can’t be bothered to wash all that stuff every night. I’m the sort who likes to pack everything on Sunday and pull from it all week.

  8. Are they doing that thing in the states where they go through the lunchboxes and tell the kids if it is a healthy lunch or not?
    GAH
    We have that here and it is no fun!

  9. My son starts preschool next week and that means 3 days of lunch making fun per week. After being a lazy ass mom for the past 4 years I am experiencing a combo of dread and excitement. My mom used to make kick ass lunches which always had some bad ass dessert so I am hoping to fall back on those memories. Most likely though, I’ll get sick of it mid way through and just start throwing food type stuff in his lunch box until the school threatens to report me for poor nutrition.
    .-= Sabreena’s last blog post… How to Have Fun at Madame Tussauds Wax Museum =-.

  10. Our mothers might have been secretly separated at birth. Whole wheat (HOME MADE) bread, ALWAYS. I also got things like minestrone soup in a thermos. But, for the most part, I liked it. Once, at summer camp, I went 5 weeks without eating a slice of bread because they only had Mrs. Bairds.
    .-= The Sweetest’s last blog post… Tuesday’s List =-.

  11. I could have written this post word for word. I never once bought lunch at school. NOT ONCE. I feel robbed. Also full of butter and whole wheat bread.

    How I longed for Kool Aid.
    .-= Melissa Lion’s last blog post… Moving Time =-.

  12. One day I cam ehome from school and told my mom that the kids at lunch picked on me for bringing egg salad sandwiches. She told me that she would make me something else to bring and I told her ” No way! I don’t care, they’re the crazy ones. Egg salad is delicious!” And I laughed in their faces when they told me it was smelly. 😛 I’m slowly trying to regain that confidence to laugh in peoples face when they don’t like something about me!
    .-= Melissa’s last blog post… Pictures make everything better Or they did until now =-.

  13. I did have a lunchbox when I was young just anybody else. My lunchbox would always have a little bit of everything because my lunch was not only intended for lunch but also for the time when I felt hungry. There were times that I hated what my mom prepared for me. However, I feel the same way like you do as well. A mother knows best and I’m thankful even if I used to hate what she prepared.

  14. I was raised just like you … and kids never wanted to trade their precious, preservative filled snacks for my wholesome fruit or celery sticks with peanut butter. But, based on what I know about you and me … it sure set the foundation for awesomeness as adults! =)
    .-= Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks’s last blog post… Snippets =-.

  15. I love that’s packing lunch is now GREEN and not dorky. But I am still envious of your lunch box. Paper bags wetter not cool, especially if you mom states them with hearts WHEN YOU WERE IN JR.HIGH
    .-= Nic’s last blog post… Do your best =-.

  16. Oh how I recall with horrifying clarity my own personal school lunches. It didn’t matter if I had the coolest lunch box known to man or what was in said lunch box. It just mattered that it belonged to ME and was therefore uncool.

    However, now that I have my own spawn in the school system I’ve discovered that same said snottery is being displayed by the teachers/grown-ups towards my child’s lunchbox and what’s in it. Food and beverages were being sent home to me with hand written notes explaining how the food I provided was “against policy” and I owed them money for the lunch they purchased for my child. They also conveniently provided me with a list of acceptable food and beverages. Can anyone say “mortification”??? Also, can anyone say OCD?? Because seriously?! That list was wack. I could only send 100% fruit juice. No prepackaged snacks, nothing with “additional sugar”, no peanut butter, nothing BUT whole wheat bread. I sent deli ham and cheese on white with an apple and a juicy juice and I received a “stern warning” letter!!!!! *twitch*

    My child is underweight for her age. Not because she doesn’t eat, she eats my cubbards out, but because she inherited a “skinny gene” from some long lost relative. I do not require “stern letters” from teachers about her lunches when the oh-so-acceptable school lunch they bought her was frickin PIZZA.

    I hate public school.

  17. Won’t be long before the kid breaks that fancy lunch pail and tosses the napkins in the trash. Kids are great like that!

    I personally can’t remember what my mom packed in my lunch but I’m sure it wasn’t too great because my mom shopped in the yellow and black section of the grocery store when I was in elementry school. Now I’ve been taking a frozen meal every day. That’s not very green either sorry!
    .-= Mom Taxi Julie’s last blog post… Adrian hangs out =-.

  18. So so funny. I can’t even imagine a butter and bologna sandwich, mmm..not. haha. Being a product of the 80s, my lunchbox was a blue plastic power rangers job [I still have it, but it houses nail polish instead of lunch] and I also was hardly ever a buyer of lunch. Almost always PBJ or tuna fish, and sometimes Spam with mustard and barbecue sauce :] soo good. I generally would have some sort of fruit cup and water to wash it down..I can’t remember whether my parents gave me a drink or I just scrounged one up each day.
    And yes, I am now craving tater tots. haha.

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