Okay, so maybe Jazzercise is like, fun or whatever

Remember how Lynne and I had an eecards fight about the gayness of Jazzercise vs tap class, and then she challenged me to a gay-off?

Well, I finally went to her Jazzercise class because Pole Dancing is over now, thank Jesus, and you know what?

It’s completely gay and I love it because gay is fun. I grapevined and chassed, arabesqued and some other stuff I forgot the name of, but it was fun and I may have caught a little bit of The Gay because I wanted to touch Lynne’s sweaty bum the whole time.

And after class, the teacher said I “looked great out there” and can I just tell you how good that felt? Because I got nary a word of encouragement from the pole dancing teacher, and I’m the kind of student who will bust her head open just for a “well done! Excellent head busting open!” because I’m a nerd like that.   When I don’t get my teacher approval, I’m a sad kitten.

(Do yourself a solid and never, ever search Google images for “sad kitten.” You’ll want to kill yourself. Twice.)

Anyway, during our last class, and this is totally my fault because I’m an asshole for moisturizing before class which is the #1 thing you DO NOT do before pole dancing class, she kept looking back and saying “after 6 weeks of class you SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THIS!” and I wanted to shout ” But I CAN! I CAN DO IT!” but I didn’t.  I was too embarrassed to admit that I broke rule #1  and that I was just too slippery to do any of the moves.  Every time I tried to jump up and hold myself on the pole, I’d just go “ssssssswwwwwwwwwwwweeeee” right down.

That pole is ruined forever now.

It’s been Crissy’d.

It’s forever going to be known as “the bad pole” because I don’t think they’ll ever get the lotion off of it. I thought of switching poles, but I didn’t want to ruin all of them, so I chose to sort of stand there and look like a dink  and not get the teacher’s approval I so desperately wanted.

But then Jazzercise Lady gave me the thumbs up and I was happy.

So I’m going to take Jazzercise classes, I think.

I still want tap shoes so badly it hurts, you guys.

Tap shoes.


Lynne won’t go to tap class with me because she say’s it’s stupid.  Maybe I can go with Girlfriend.  She doesn’t think it’s stupid.

Oh wait.

Yes she does.

I don’t care what anybody says.  Tap is cool.  There were almost fisticuffs yesterday at work between Lynne and me because she just won’t admit that tap is completely awesome.

I fully intend to prove how wrong she is as soon as I find an adult beginner’s tap class which is very difficult to do for some reason.  It must be that the Awesomeness Of Tap is intimidating for some people.

PS: This week on the Toy with Mes I have a bunch of random news/wtf? products for you! Random Awesome Stuff in My Inbox

PSS: Starting tomorrow,  we will test out a little idea I had.  Girlfriend is going to have an advice column called “Ask Girlfriend” where you write to her with your non-drug/gambling/hooker problems, and she gives you her advice.  I don’t know if this will work or not, but we’ll give it a whirl.  I just need your questions or this bus ain’t goin’ nowhere.


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  1. Dear Girlfriend,

    I am not a good money manager. What should I do to save lots of dough for a fabulous trip to Hawaii?


    Pisses her money away

    I mean, Shelly

  2. I just goggled “Sad Kitten”, only because you said NOT TO and I about lost all of my testosterone seeing those pictures…. awwwwww *tear

    Dear girlfriend: How do you suggest I do mischief at work and not get in trouble for it? Sad Kitten face doesn’t really work on a 33 going on 13 year old kid.
    .-= PorkStar’s last blog post… Summer heat and love notes =-.

  3. First off, you can touch my sweaty bum any time. After all I groped your repeatedly on Saturday night. Secondly tap is doofas-y. Just buy the fucking tap shoes and wear them everywhere and people will just THINK you’re a tap dancer. And really, isn’t that enough, that people think it? Srsly. Lastly, THAT is my absolute favorite picture of girlfriend. Hysterical.

  4. Jazzercise IS cool. And so is tap dancing. And so is swing dancing, but that’s just because I did that last year. Everyone misunderstands me when I say I like to swing.


    To Girlfriend: What makes Alice get diarrhea?
    .-= k8’s last blog post… Munchkin Number 3 =-.

  5. I’m just jealous you found time to go to any classes, so you’re both winners in my book.

    Dear Girlfriend,
    Why doesn’t my baby sleep better at night? How did you get your sister to sleep long enough that Mommy doesn’t pull her hair out and want to kick kittens?
    Tired all the time

  6. So after reading your blog, Mr. Kristin has decided that we should send Girlfriend and Papaya to kindergarten with photos, so the teacher will know what the girls look like when they are not pleased. You will find Papaya’s entry in my facebook photos. I’m going to go google sad kitten now.

  7. go watch Tap with Savion Glover, Gregory Hines, Sammy Davis Jr,, etc. and tell me tap is doofasay. Tap kicks ass and takes names.

  8. Damn you and your sad kittens. I just had to google it.

    Here’s my question for Girlfriend: I have my HS reunion this weekend and it’s at some swanky bar and the dress code is “cocktail”. I don’t have an LBD so WHAT DO I WEAR???
    .-= Megkathleen’s last blog post… Three Things Thursday =-.

  9. I took tap in highschool and I have to say it was fun(a little slippery at first so beware). I am currently trying to find a pole dancing class here in Las Vegas that isn’t associated with a casino but so far no dice. Who would have thought Vegas would have a shortage of classes for aspiring low budget housewife pole dancers. Anyway, maybe I’ll follow your lead and look into some tap dancing because it was fun. I have to do something because my stomach isn’t toning itself.

    My question for girlfriend: My 4 year old son is starting preschool for the first time next month, any advice for his first day of school? What shold he do to make friends?
    .-= Sabreena’s last blog post… Fallout from the Housing Crisis or Karma =-.

  10. Dear Girlfriend,
    I have long hair, long enough so that I can sit on it, but my boyfriend says he likes it when girls have short flippy hair. Should I cut off my beautiful long hair so he’ll like it better?

    Rapunzel’s Evil Twin (who, frankly, has been stewing over that comment for days and days because first of all it’s been five years and NOW you’re gonna make comments and if we’re speaking of hair let’s talk about your ass! and really if we’re cutting anything off around here it’s gonna be your balls mister. whew. okay, /rant. But I’d still like to hear what Girlfriend has to say.)

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