I got a new plant yesterday. Someone was just giving them away and I took it because I love getting new plants. It’s sort of like getting a new pet, except they don’t piss on the floor.

We’ve been pet sitting The Richard and Michele’s dog, Henry, for a week now.

Henry, Queefies, Queefies, Henry.

And Alice doesn’t mind having him around too much as long as he doesn’t get up on her bed which is of course really my bed but Alice likes to pretend it’s hers mostly because she’s a dog and she doesn’t really own anything. Well, she does, I guess. She has a really nice fleece sweater and a life jacket for the boat and a few pieces of bling on her collar there…maybe a couple of drooly stuffed animals but that’s it.

That and a duck feather will buy you a hot dog.

I have no idea what that means.

I’m tired as shit.

I keep almost giving up this blog, but then I don’t.

I tried the Brazil Butt Lift Workout because I heard it wrong and I thought it was the Brazil Blog Lift Workout, but it turns out it’s really for my ass and not my blog. I’m pretty disappointed because this blog is kinda droopy. In fact, if this blog were an ass it would look like this:

It’s hard to have a blog when you have no life. I have my job and I have my pole dancing class (which ends today and I can’t even go) and sometimes I go to Saver’s and find something for the kids from Gymboree for a dollar.


That’s all I got.

Oh, and a new plant.

So, I’m trying to figure out what I can do about this not having a life business.

I kind of don’t have time to have a life.

I signed up for kick boxing class and Jazzercise. I’m pumped for Jazzercise, but kick boxing is sort of a “being dragged kicking and screaming” thing because while I like kickboxing to my sweaty lesbian Jillian videos, I do not want to spar.

I’m a lover, not a fighter, Queefies.

Also, I’m not competitive and I’m likely to let someone hit me just to make them feel good, and because I don’t care if I win stuff that much.

So to recap, I’m excited about Jazzercise, and we’re pet-sitting Henry this week.

The end.

PS: I just thought of something! I have a new phobia! I’m afraid Girlfriend and Homeslice will be abducted by aliens. I keep checking on them at night to make sure they’re still in their beds because next to human predators, aliens are the second biggest threat, you know. So now it’s things that spin too fast, balloons and kites, my garbage disposal, retarded people, smart people, clowns, perverts, and alien abduction.

PSS: I don’t mean to imply in the title that Henry pissed on my floor because he didn’t. He shit in my basement.

PSSS: It is not lost on me that this post sounds a little bit, um, insane, to some of you, but do not be alarmed. My sanity is no more or less intact than it normally is. I’m just tired as shit. I think I mentioned that earlier.

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  1. Even what you think is your most boring day is still better than pretty much every day of my life so please don’t give up the blogging. I haven’t had many heroes in my life, but you are definitely my blogging hero (or should that be heroine…?) In any case, don’t stop.
    .-= MsDarkstar’s last blog post… Warmup Warrior Wednesday =-.

  2. if you give up blogging…. i may capsize my boat. that i do not have.
    either way- i LOVE your blog, Crissy, lack of updates or not! my sister and I will call each other and discuss your posts and Mister’s photos and laugh laugh laugh.

    Makes us sound a tad obsessed?
    .-= Natballs’s last blog post… eNVious =-.

  3. You have WAY more of a life than I do! I understand if you feel like quitting, but as long as you keep blogging I’ll keep reading. Your sense of humor is way closer to mine than any of my actual 2 friends. Yep, see….I have no life.

  4. There is nothing saggy about your blog. Thanks for your wit and perspective. I look forward to your posts, even when you are exhausted.
    Please don’t leave me, we just met and my feeling would be super hurt and of course I would think it is something I did. Keep writting.
    Pretty Please
    .-= Kathleen’s last blog post… My children call her Gigi aka my Grammie =-.

  5. You can’t give up your blog! You have way more of a life than I do. I live out in the sticks and have NOTHING to go do. All the cool exercise classes I want to take are more than an hour away and our neighbors are several acres from us. My life sucks. I would so much rather real daily blabber about the leaves turning colors on your plants than reading nothing at all. I like your insane rambles. Don’t leave me! I my sink further down into the depression I’m currently in. You, Crissy, hold the key to m sanity! 🙂 No pressure.

  6. How weird, that smiley came up in the wrong spot. Also, how gay would it be to buy the belly dancing exercise videos that I want and do them at home? A class would be funner, but it’s too far away. Would it be stupid to just do it at home?

  7. Ugh, I’ve been having the same “I have no life i.e. nothing to blog about save the annoying kids in my parking lot which just makes me sound like a crazy old man even though I am neither OLD (debatable) or a MAN” blogging crisis. I feel your pain.
    .-= stealthnerd’s last blog post… I would really love it if… =-.

  8. Okay, that’s weird. I wrote the same non-sensical post on my blog. And had an In summary thing too.

    Maybe in our tired state, our minds have joined together because of something something.
    .-= Melissa Lion’s last blog post… Blood Sucking =-.

  9. I would say you have more of a life than me. Cause you know – you have kids and shit. I? I have a fucking garden that I blog about. How dumb is THAT? Also. No internet at home. What?! I think blogs need a summer vacation and then in the winter when we’re all cooped up, we can let the crazies out.
    .-= k8’s last blog post… And Another One =-.

  10. Your post wasn’t insane to me – or maybe that’s because I, too, am insane with the lack of sleep?

    Hugs to GF and HS. One day I will travel up there – we can shop at Saver’s together and watch our girls do girlie shit.

  11. i could have lived without the droopy ass photo because EEEEeewwww, but i can’t live without your blog. and you already know i think you have a totally fun life and household. hell you even have a porn basement with your own stripper pole.
    .-= pattypunker’s last blog post… iCollect =-.

  12. Did you know that you are very, very PRETTY!!!
    Besides that….your blog makes me SMILE and I love that about you. So there you do have a life, you play a very important role in making people smile, and tell that husband of yours to get off his sexy ass and make more money so that you can have more time to yourself!! Oh my did I really just say that.

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