Apparently, the lovers have had a falling out because Frank was in the garden, Alice’s garden, where she enjoys a delicious salad buffet herself, and he was there gankin’ her vittles and so she BIT THE BASTARD! He jumped up in the air and bit her back but she still got in a couple of more bites before the little garden fucker ran under the fence.
It was glorious, and he didn’t even break the skin.
Does anyone have a Rottweiler I can borrow to finish him off? I figure it’s not really killing if your borrowed dog does it. That’s completely fine with Buddha, right?
Anyways, I’m looking for a killing machine to borrow for a day or two. You can email me if you have one.
And now I shall announce the winners of the Vajazzle Haiku/Limerick contest!
They are in no particular order as they were equally fabulous:
There was a young lady named Gidget
Who put sparkles all over her twidget.
There was so much dazzle
When she did her Vajazzle
That she blinded a horney young midget!
I yearn for a twidget that gleams
Shiny crotch would fulfill hubby’s dreams
Save money on blow
Escalade cunts won’t know
That my FUPA’s much more than it seems!
Plain. Bare. So boring.
Vagazzle! Shine like Cullen.
Happy Pants for all
The dentist looked at me odd
I thought to myself “Oh god,
how do I explain
the reason for my pain
is I chipped my tooth on his rod?”
Bat Cave Twidget:
There is a girl from New York
Who all day long wanted to pork
But three years it had been without carnal sin
So please Vajazzle this dork.
Yeah, that’s the best I got. Even I can smell the desperation
The Problem Child:
If you want to vajazzle your stuff
A waxing, to lessen the muff
Might well be in order
Else ‘jazzling might border
On just a bit more than enough.
Y’all need to email me with your info so I can mail you the sparkly bits.
But really, it was hard to choose because everyone did a wonderful job and I’m really, very proud of you all for giving it a try. Writing is hard, yo. That’s why they pay me the big bucks.
PS: Toy with Me today! It’s all about how I don’t understand Casual Sex. Because I don’t.
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