Sorry. I’m not dead. I’m…I don’t know what I am, actually, but I’m at least alive enough to tell you about an awesomesauce contest I’m having!
Because of this picture:
the people over at Vajazzling.com have sent me 5 DIY VAJAZZLING KITS!!!! to give away to you fine people! I am sorry, however, to report that none of them say “JUICY” on them. But there are star bursts and butterflies and some sort of supernova thing and WHO DOESN’T WANT A SUPERNOVA on her twidget?
Nobody doesn’t want a supernova on her twidget, that’s who. It’s just like, whoa. Impressive.
Also, I don’t understand why these things are just for girls, so I’m opening this contest up to the fellas, because fuck it. We need all the participants we can get, amiright?
Vajazzling: not just for pussies anymore. It’s for dicks now too. You heard it here first.
So, what you have to do to win one of these fine DIY Vajazzling kits is write a wonderful Haiku about Vajazzling. It can be funny, or touching, or sweet, or emo or whatever. I don’t care. I just have to think it’s deserving of recognition. Just remember that I’m educated in the ways of the poem, so no pressure but I know what I’m looking at. I guess the boys can write about Manjazzling because it doesn’t make sense for them to write about Vajazzling when they’re really going to Manjazzle, right? Unless they’re trying to win the kit for a lady friend. Then they can write about Vajazzling and it’s okay.
Are you still with me?
So do yourself a solid and sit down with your pencil and your paper and write me a Vajazzling/Manjazzling Haiku and hopefully, by this time next week, your crotch will be a hell of a lot sparklier because right now, if we’re all being honest here, it’s not that pretty.
You have one week. Winners announced next Wednesday! And don’t worry. You have almost zero competition because the Internet has all but dried up and died.
Or a limerick!
I just decided you can do that too.
Haiku or Limerick, or both if you want.
PS: It’s a Toy with Me day! Sex Toy Parties–Lessons in Humiliation
- Alice bit Frank today! The Vajazzling Haiku Winners Announced! And a Toy With Me Day! There’s A Lot Going On Here Today, Obviously. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, I understand.
- Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, girl You’re a pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty girl Pretty, pretty Such a pretty, pretty, pretty girl
- Pimp my twidget!
- DIY Vajazzling: Even Better than the Real Thing
- Stuff I did when y’all were hangin’ around doin’ nothin’