Sorry. I’m not dead. I’m…I don’t know what I am, actually, but I’m at least alive enough to tell you about an awesomesauce contest I’m having!
Because of this picture:
the people over at Vajazzling.com have sent me 5 DIY VAJAZZLING KITS!!!! to give away to you fine people! I am sorry, however, to report that none of them say “JUICY” on them. But there are star bursts and butterflies and some sort of supernova thing and WHO DOESN’T WANT A SUPERNOVA on her twidget?
Nobody doesn’t want a supernova on her twidget, that’s who. It’s just like, whoa. Impressive.
Also, I don’t understand why these things are just for girls, so I’m opening this contest up to the fellas, because fuck it. We need all the participants we can get, amiright?
Vajazzling: not just for pussies anymore. It’s for dicks now too. You heard it here first.
So, what you have to do to win one of these fine DIY Vajazzling kits is write a wonderful Haiku about Vajazzling. It can be funny, or touching, or sweet, or emo or whatever. I don’t care. I just have to think it’s deserving of recognition. Just remember that I’m educated in the ways of the poem, so no pressure but I know what I’m looking at. I guess the boys can write about Manjazzling because it doesn’t make sense for them to write about Vajazzling when they’re really going to Manjazzle, right? Unless they’re trying to win the kit for a lady friend. Then they can write about Vajazzling and it’s okay.
Are you still with me?
So do yourself a solid and sit down with your pencil and your paper and write me a Vajazzling/Manjazzling Haiku and hopefully, by this time next week, your crotch will be a hell of a lot sparklier because right now, if we’re all being honest here, it’s not that pretty.
You have one week. Winners announced next Wednesday! And don’t worry. You have almost zero competition because the Internet has all but dried up and died.
HAIKU!
Or a limerick!
I just decided you can do that too.
Haiku or Limerick, or both if you want.
You choose.
GO!
PS: It’s a Toy with Me day! Sex Toy Parties–Lessons in Humiliation
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- DIY Vajazzling: Even Better than the Real Thing
- Stuff I did when y’all were hangin’ around doin’ nothin’
glitter in the sun
adorned, sparkling scrotal sack
kiss my disco balls
Hahahahahahaha!!!!
If you want to vajazzle your stuff
A waxing, to lessen the muff
Might well be in order
Else ‘jazzling might border
On just a bit more than enough.
Shiny lady bits
Help boring conception sex
Bring it on my dear
My junk sparkles now
Pleasure parts make women swoon
Panties sliding off…
Hmmm…I just mentioned vajazzling on my blog. This must be a sign that I’m meant to win, despite the lameness of this limerick.
There once was a girl (that girl was me)
Who had a boring and bald pee-pee
Tired of being single
She wrote a quick jingle
And now has more fun when she tinkles
Me manjazzaling,
Planning, shaving, sticking there.
Would the missus smile?
Pretty sparkly
lady bits are twinkle hot
look but don’t touch….touch
There was a young lady named Gidget
Who put sparkles all over her twidget.
There was so much dazzle
When she did her Vajazzle
That she blinded a horney young midget!
I was born bare
t’was a reason
I’ll share
Vajazzle
Please don’t just stare
Hello is this your pic? well I hope so that’s so niceeeeeeeeeeeeeee and sorry I’m not very interested in the competition cuz I have v poor wrtiting skills but I’m ok as long as u understand ur pic is superrrrrrrrr hot
original post:
DIY Vajazzling: Even Better than the Real Thing
Twidget says “Juicy”
Gave us Girlfriend and Homeslice
Shine on Crissy’s Twat!
married man was bored
he needed to be manjazzled
twat pic was spot on
Fanuters have Gems
Sparkly in the pants
Men will say GAME ON
Well, thank goodness I took 3 years of college poetry. I’ll have to tell my dad I used that degree in real life today. Maybe I’ll leave out that it was a limerick about vaginas…
There once was a man from Rangina,
Who wanted his woman to have a sparkly vagina
“Vajazzle” he cried,
From embarrassment, she died
Although, the doctor declared it was angina.
alternate ending line (because I can’t decide which I like better):
From embarrassment she died,
So he had to decorate his own Mangina.
my v it sparkles
imma supernova
shiny like the sun
(don’t ya love how i worked in a 2-pointer with the double consonant? yeah, you do.)
pattypunker’s last blog post… wtf work bathrooms
Sparkle my pussy!
Relight the flames of passion.
Meh, screw it. Headache.
“I’m Pregnant”
My twat can only
be visible 3 months more.
Glitter it up, please.
Cassidy’s last blog post… Will you please shut up Youre grossing out my baby
I yearn for a twidget that gleams
Shiny crotch would fulfill hubby’s dreams
Save money on blow
Escalade cunts won’t know
That my FUPA’s much more than it seems!
Plain. Bare. So boring.
Vagazzle! Shine like Cullen.
Happy Pants for all.
Hahaha I had far too much fun with this. CP’s wins for me!
Melissa’s last blog post… Sunday Snippets a day late-
A pretty young thing, couldn’t decide how to bling
out her boring unaddorned sad lil thang.
So she vajazzeled & ” fantabulous” they sang,
and through the masses she swang..
thats it
plz shine up my bits!
Canada is cold
I will show vagazzle
While wearing a toque
On manjazzling…
The dentist looked at me odd
I thought to myself “Oh god,
how do I explain
the reason for my pain
is I chipped my tooth on his rod?”
Christian’s last blog post… I Wore Two Sunglasseses
There is a girl from New York
Who all day long wanted to pork
But three years it had been without carnal sin
So please Vajazzle this dork.
Yeah, that’s the best I got. Even I can smell the desperation
Smell the heatwave fuzz
Or follow the vajazzle
To the bottom bits
Vagazzle for looks
But when studding your manhood
Its for her pleasure
DarkTouch’s last blog post… What is Open Gaming
Quickly do I stick
Sparkles on my bag and tube;
My junk glitters bright!