Vajazzle me this, Internet

Sorry.  I’m not dead.  I’m…I don’t know what I am, actually, but I’m at least alive enough to tell you about an awesomesauce contest I’m having!

Because of this picture:

the people over at have sent me 5 DIY VAJAZZLING KITS!!!! to give away to you fine people!  I am sorry, however, to report that none of them say “JUICY” on them.  But there are star bursts and butterflies and some sort of supernova thing and WHO DOESN’T WANT A SUPERNOVA on her twidget?

Nobody doesn’t want a supernova on her twidget, that’s who. It’s just like, whoa. Impressive.

Also, I don’t understand why these things are just for girls, so I’m opening this contest up to the fellas, because fuck it.  We need all the participants we can get, amiright?

Vajazzling: not just for pussies anymore.  It’s for dicks now too. You heard it here first.

So, what you have to do to win one of these fine DIY Vajazzling kits is write a wonderful Haiku about Vajazzling. It can be funny, or touching, or sweet, or emo or whatever. I don’t care. I just have to think it’s deserving of recognition. Just remember that I’m educated in the ways of the poem, so no pressure but I know what I’m looking at. I guess the boys can write about Manjazzling because it doesn’t make sense for them to write about Vajazzling when they’re really going to Manjazzle, right? Unless they’re trying to win the kit for a lady friend. Then they can write about Vajazzling and it’s okay.

Are you still with me?

So do yourself a solid and sit down with your pencil and your paper and write me a Vajazzling/Manjazzling Haiku and hopefully, by this time next week, your crotch will be a hell of a lot sparklier because right now, if we’re all being honest here, it’s not that pretty.

You have one week. Winners announced next Wednesday! And don’t worry. You have almost zero competition because the Internet has all but dried up and died.

Or a limerick!
I just decided you can do that too.
Haiku or Limerick, or both if you want.
You choose.


PS: It’s a Toy with Me day! Sex Toy Parties–Lessons in Humiliation

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  1. If you want to vajazzle your stuff
    A waxing, to lessen the muff
    Might well be in order
    Else ‘jazzling might border
    On just a bit more than enough.

  2. Hmmm…I just mentioned vajazzling on my blog. This must be a sign that I’m meant to win, despite the lameness of this limerick.

    There once was a girl (that girl was me)
    Who had a boring and bald pee-pee
    Tired of being single
    She wrote a quick jingle
    And now has more fun when she tinkles

  3. There was a young lady named Gidget
    Who put sparkles all over her twidget.
    There was so much dazzle
    When she did her Vajazzle
    That she blinded a horney young midget!

  4. Hello is this your pic? well I hope so that’s so niceeeeeeeeeeeeeee and sorry I’m not very interested in the competition cuz I have v poor wrtiting skills but I’m ok as long as u understand ur pic is superrrrrrrrr hot

  5. Well, thank goodness I took 3 years of college poetry. I’ll have to tell my dad I used that degree in real life today. Maybe I’ll leave out that it was a limerick about vaginas…

    There once was a man from Rangina,
    Who wanted his woman to have a sparkly vagina
    “Vajazzle” he cried,
    From embarrassment, she died
    Although, the doctor declared it was angina.

    alternate ending line (because I can’t decide which I like better):
    From embarrassment she died,
    So he had to decorate his own Mangina.

  6. I yearn for a twidget that gleams
    Shiny crotch would fulfill hubby’s dreams
    Save money on blow
    Escalade cunts won’t know
    That my FUPA’s much more than it seems!

    Plain. Bare. So boring.
    Vagazzle! Shine like Cullen.
    Happy Pants for all.

    Hahaha I had far too much fun with this. CP’s wins for me!
    .-= Melissa’s last blog post… Sunday Snippets a day late- =-.

  7. A pretty young thing, couldn’t decide how to bling
    out her boring unaddorned sad lil thang.
    So she vajazzeled & ” fantabulous” they sang,
    and through the masses she swang..

    thats it
    plz shine up my bits!

  8. There is a girl from New York
    Who all day long wanted to pork
    But three years it had been without carnal sin
    So please Vajazzle this dork.

    Yeah, that’s the best I got. Even I can smell the desperation

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