This post is pretty much meaningless to those of you who don’t know what Team Edward or Team Jacob or Team Bill or Team Eric means.

The other day at work I got to meet Edward and Jacob and stupid annoying Bella!

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They stopped by Schmuckytown Pubic because they knew that’s where I’d be.

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Edward was very friendly and he kept telling me he really, really wanted to make out with me but he was afraid I’d hurt him because he heard I’m a pole dancer now and everyone knows they’re fucking badass (you see those bruises on my leg?  That’s how tough I am now.  I’m practically Chuck Norris), and I promised him I’d be gentle, but he remained steadfast in his decision and just stood there making his sexyface.

And then stupid Bella started gettin’ all up in my grill cuz I was touching her man on his naughtypenis and so I kicked her in the face

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and moved on to her other man, Jacob.

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He’s pretty cute, I think.

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He’s more muscle-y than Edward, but I’m still on Team Edward and not so much Team Jacob mostly because vampires make me look tanned and werewolves do not.

See?

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I’m downright exotic.

But even though I touched Edward on his naughtypenis and he was all “I’m in love with you, Crissy!  Bella is an idiot!” I did stop because I honestly cannot understand why anyone would prefer Twilight to True Blood/Southern Vampire Mysteries (unless you’re in 6th grade and your parents won’t let you watch True Blood and then maybe I understand).

I think Eric and I make a better couple.  I’ll take a 1,000 year old Viking GOD who owns a BAR over some silly high school boy and his Volvo any day.

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(Note to Bill Compton: You can have Sookie.  I got this.)

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20 comments

  1. that’s an awesome ninja kick to bella’s stupid pouty face.
    and one helluva grasp on edward’s naughtypenis.

    but why are we all picking teams? i say we have one big vampire smorgasbord cuz who wants to choose and who the fuck says smorgasbord.
    .-= pattypunker’s last blog post… wtf work bathrooms =-.

  2. I’ve read the books so my inner 13 year old girl comes out for Edward. I’m not all rushing over to see the movie though. I’ll wait for the actual 13 year old girls to get it out of their system. And yes, True Blood Rocks.

  3. True Blood trumps Twilight ANY DAY. I even know this after seeing only two episodes of True Blood (HOOKED FOR LIFE or until the series is over) and never seeing Twilight.

    I wish you had kicked Bella’s head off. Even I know she’s annoying and as previously mentioned, I haven’t seen the movies.
    .-= Marie’s last blog post… Posted Treasure =-.

  4. I think you’re a better height match for Edward, anyway. The perk is that you do look more tanned. I’m practically the palest person in the whole of Australia and I probably look tan next to Eddie.
    I hope your ninja kick snapped Bella’s annoying face off. I hate that girl.
    .-= CuppyCakes’s last blog post… Come With Us To Candy Mountain- Charlie =-.

  5. I’m with you. I’ve seen twilight and true blood and i prefer true blood WAY more. I’ve not missed an episode and Eric is delicious. I like him better with his short hair too!

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