Blow Jobs are like flowers for boys.

So I’m skulking around the Internet and I can’t help but notice how many people are writing these long emo Very Special Father’s Day edition posts about their fathers and babydaddies and I’m just like, really?

Am I supposed to cry?  Because I don’t do mushy and sentimental, and I think all those cards they have over at the store are stoopid.

In fact, somebody should shit on Hallmark’s coat just because they’re so lame.

How about a card that says “Happy Fathers day to the guy who gave me life and an anxiety disorder.”

Or “Happy Father’s day, motherfucker!”

Or, if you live in my house, “Happy Father’s day, Daddy! Please wear pants.”

You want to hear my Very Special Father’s Day edition blog post?

Here goes.

Ahem…

I was going to give Mister a blow job for father’s day but he decided to go to a Melvins concert in Boston instead because my blow jobs aren’t better than the Melvins.

The end.

Oh, and the kids gave him new summer shoes so he can stop wearing crocs now, and a camera bag to replace the old cat hair covered duffle bag he’s been dragging around everywhere he goes and embarrassing the crap out of us.

So yeah.  Happy belated Father’s Day to all you babydaddies out there.   I hope you all got blow jobs or at least gifts that will make you less of an embarrassment to your families and no lame greeting cards.

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24 comments

  1. I’m with you, Crissy. I sent my Dad (who I barely speak to) an e-card out of obligation. I found the most neutral, non-sappy card that I could.

    I’m willing to bet that Mister would probably still like the BJ, but now you can claim it was a limited time offer and he chose the Melvins… or something like that.

    And there was no sentimental post over on MY blog. And all of the ones I DID read just made me ticked that my Dad has honestly never really been a fixture in my life and couldn’t get over his own BS enough to make it to my High School graduation like he PROMISED he would and yeah, it’s 20+ years later and I’m still bitter about it. At least the BS is over for another year. Hurray!
    .-= MsDarkstar’s last blog post… Should Be Shopping Sunday Post =-.

  2. Sheesh, I didn’t even consider giving my babydaddy a BJ – does that make me a bad person? He did proposition me by saying “You wanna get with daddy on father’s day”? Nothing like bringing up my dad to get me in the mood- ugh!
    Anyway, no sappy cards here, he got a coffee cup.
    .-= chicken lips’s last blog post… facebook freaks me out =-.

  3. Oh, jeez. I am the lamest of all the lame daughters/wives. For my dad- a text stating, “Happy Fathers Day!”
    For my babydaddy, a morning greeting of, “Happy Fathers Day” and some scrabled eggs. That was yesterday. Today is his birthday. His gift? “Happy Birthday.”
    .-= The Sweetest’s last blog post… Opportunities Lost and Gained =-.

  4. Well I was very excited to see the title of the post I thought u were going to tell us how u gave him a bj in great detail but that’s ok I guess he likes music more and can someone please tell me how do I add my picture before my name ????????

  5. Wow a BJ for a fathers day gift! I didn’t even get an offer. You, Chrissy are a great wife!
    I love your blog BTW
    ~Dan

  6. My daughter brought home a cold to share for Father’s Day. How lovely. So most of our plans went into the toilet. I was too sick to give a BJ and now my hub is too sick to get one!

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