I found Jesus at Saver’s

I went out for dinner with Michele last night you guys.

It was the first time I had any kind of food I did not plan, shop for, and prepare myself in weeks and it was glorious, although we could tell Amy Our Waitress was disappointed in us because we had a couple of salads and some waters with lemon. Her face totally fell when she realized she was waiting on two lame ass pussies instead of a couple of gals goin’ out for a calorie fest,  Cosmos, and casual sex with moderately attractive younger men.

I don’t know what she was thinking because we were both wearing cardigans.

Also, it was Ruby Tuesday’s. If I’m going to go out and carry on, I’m not going to do it at Ruby Tuesday’s. I only go there for those fucking delicious croutons and that pasta salad they have with the peas in it. I love that pasta salad.

We did manage to redeem ourselves with Amy Our Waitress when we ordered chocolate cake (one piece to share, of course) and two decaf coffees.

I know, I know. ROCK ON!

And after that decadent dining experience we went to the Grand Opening of a Saver’s!

Shut up.

I’m almost 36 years old. This is my idea of a good time. Don’t ruin it.

And that, my dear, dear Queefies, is where I found Sad Jesus on VELVET!


NOW you’re jealous.

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  1. He was $12.99!!! I thought that was a little pricey, but now I’m re-considering because I really need something to hang over our bed…

    I may go back for him today.

  2. Study the photo you took. He’s obviously looking up at you and lamenting your middle-agedness. “When we gave you these boobs,” He says, “we expected you’d be using them to seduce moderately attractive younger men, and here you are lusting after croutons.”

    You have let him down, Crissy.

  3. if it doesn’t have Elvis or a nude recumbent woman on it, it isn’t a proper velvet painting.

    standards are falling everywhere.

  4. wow beautiful picture that’s exactly what this blog needs pictures of you because you already have a great sense of humour and I just love your posts/writings you should write every day this blog relaxes me after a hectic day write every day twice a day and I was thinking madam why don’t you start writing about politics and world events and since you are so funny those posts would be more interesting to read that’s just an idea madam I believe you know better than I do but I just thought a brilliant lady like you would be very influential writing about serious things because of your writing talents instead of reviewing sex toys I just hope you read comments as well most warm and personal regards madam

  5. 1. I would run around Ruby Tuesday’s eating discarded croutons from other people’s plates they are THAT GOOD.

    2. YOU DIDN”T BUY SAD VELVET JESUS? Jesus, girl, what were you thinking?

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