Today is an epic suckfest.
I have a dentist appointment.
I HATE the dentist. I’m not scared of the dentist or anything, I just hate it because it’s a pain in the ass and because I don’t like people touching me especially on my face area.
And just to make it more of a pain in the ass, I have to bring both kids with me.
Would any of you Queefies mind telling me how in the name of what the Jesus I’m going to keep Homeslice from making out with that mouth sucker outer thing whilst I’m getting my teeth cleaned? She’s an octopus. She squirms and struggles and crawls and oh shit this is so, so, so, so not good. I’m going to end up buying a mouth sucker outer thing before it’s over, I can already tell.
Also, I feel like total shit today. I’m not sick, I’ve got a god damned hangover.
There was a party. There was Tequila. What was I supposed to do?
And then I have to go to work all night.
If any of you stalkers are planning to kill me, now would be a good time. Preferably before the dentist. Seriously, just go for it.
PS: Working at night is totally kicking my ass. I hate life about 90% of the time because of it. I can’t do it anymore and so DOES ANYBODY WANT ME TO WRITE SOME WORDS ON THE INTERNETS FOR THEM? PLEASE?
PSS: Do you ever have one of those nights where you’re just like “I’m not going to drink at the party because I have way too much functioning to do tomorrow.” And then as soon as you walk into the party someone says, “hey, you want a drink?” and suddenly you’re all “FUCK YEAH!” and then you wind up drinking like an asshole?
PSSS: Don’t you hate it when you do that?
PSSSS: Do you do that too or am I the only stupid douchebag here today?
PSSSSS:I find it hard to believe that I’m the only stupid douchebag here.
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*crickets*
Oh dear, you’re not the only stupid douchebag here today. I spent all night Sat. at this fancy event at the dbag Dunes Club, telling myself I wasn’t getting drunk while sucking down glass after glass of wine to deal with the boring speakers. My Sun. AM hangover helped me remember I had then spent 2 hours spilling beer all over the Coast Guard house, yelling at a basketball player and later kicking friends out of our house because I thought I couldn’t sleep with them looking at me. Ouch.
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I totally do that. I’ll tell my husband I’m not gonna drink much and he just smiles. As soon as we walk in the door I’ve got two shots in my hand. I don’t know how it happens.
Sorry you’re hungover…Maybe if you pretend the dental stuff hurts enough, he’ll give you some happy meds. And then you won’t care about the hangover anymore.
I’m so glad you guys are stupid douchebags too! I’m feeling better already,
Well, I never made an attempt to NOT drink before, so I don’t know.
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All I can say is: Saturday night. Still coming off the hangxieties. They’re especially bad because I said exactly what you said. Guh.
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I’m glad I’m not alone in the I drank like an asshole yesterday parade today. It was just to darned hot and the vodka tonics were sooooo very refreshing that I forgot there was alchyhol in ‘em.
count me in. saturday night party and concert. then sunday night graduation party at a fancy catering place and it was like a wedding. dj and all. in order for me to shake it like a polaroid picture i need lots of wine. the bartender at the open bar actually gave me a bigger glass because i tipped well and came back too often. fml today.
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feeling it too, today. And all I was celebrating is the end of the first day of Vacation Bible School! Hang in there (oops…sorry for the pun).
Yup, I’m there too. I’m still hung over from Saturday night when we went out to celebrate my 30th bday. I tried to drink away the old. It worked that night, but yesterday I felt about 105! #fail
Yeah I’m in too and I was the DD. My very bad! A friend with the flu ended up being sober and driving. As punishment I will probably end up with the flu. I also have a dentist appt. today, so I feel your pain. I don’t have childrens to take along, so I can’t complain. You should drop the chlldrens off at Mister’s place of employment and tell him you thought it was take your kid to work day. Just leave them at the door and run.
Wow! What a bunch of alcoholics! Jeeze.
We made it through the dentist without incident. The baby stayed in her stroller and watched Dora and my big girl stood there with her head in my mouth watching every move the hygienist made. It was actually totally fine. Now if we can just get rid of the hangxieties and this headache we’ll be all set.
at the dentist with a hangover? I would have so canceled.
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I have gone to the dentist with a hangover. It was not pretty. Then I told work I had to get a cavity filled and that my mouth was all jacked with novocaine and I would not be in that day.
It was awesome. I did not have a cavity and I got to go home and sleep off the hangover. The dentist appointment was a great cover. Is that considered a litle white lie ?
No worries, I am a SUPER douche bag 95% of the time.
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The thing I really hate about the dentist is they stay in my mouth so long that my lips get all dry and start to chap and crack. It feels completely awful. I always bring carmex / lip gloss and whatnot and every single time the dentist leaves the room I’m slathering on another layer of gloss / carmex.
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hangxieties is my new favorite diagnosis…
and is “stupid douchebag” the newest answer to “is that a snake or am I an asshole?” because if so, then I am.
If you know your name raise your glass, I mean hand!
oh im almost always that douchebag. i couldn’t drink this weekend though (stupid boob mrsa meds) and it was… weird. and terrible. i don’t recommend.
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I never drink when I’m not supposed to. LMAO. All the time. Hey, it’s after noon here.
Rach- Isn’t it perfect? And yes. Stupid douchebag is the new asshole. Spread the word!
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Stroller and Cheerios! Coming from the woman who had to hold my daughter while they took my c-section staples out. haha hope it works better for you. I actually went to the oral surgeon recently and both of my kids were perfectly behaved. I don’t know why or who abducted them and took over their bodies.
I’ve definitely done drinking (heavy drinking… uber heavy drinking…) the evening/night before into morning of days that I had to be functioning… Including one day before I had to go to work at the university I attended to see all of my professors who happened to be therapists because that’s what I was going to school for… Thank gods for liberal/hippy-esk professors who had totally been there and done that. Glad to read the dentist appointment didn’t go too badly.
Um firstly, hi!
Secondly, re: your PSs.
1) I wish I could help
2) Holy fuck, yes
3) Yes
4) Yes, ma’am!
5) I sincerely doubt it.
Does that help? I aim to soothe.
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The dentist DOES suck!! Dentist: “hmmm…I see your gums are bleeding, you need to floss more”….Me: “Oh, really?! I was thinking maybe my gums are bleeding because you’ve been poking at them with a goddamn metal pointy stick for the past hour!!!!”
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