I’ve been working hard this week, you guys. Yesterday I gave myself a pedicure, washed and hung out two loads of laundry, and folded three loads, emptied and re-loaded the dishwasher, picked up toys, packed lunches, made dinner, washed my kitchen floor, emptied trash cans, watered all my outside plants, and then brought the girls to work with me at noon so I could get an early start before Mister came to pick them up so I could work until 8.
I’m fucking tired. In fact, my tired has tired on it.
So while I was at work, the girls were fine and they were pretty quiet and everything except for the time when Girlfriend said “douchebag” and my friend Celina and I both gasped at the same time and it embarrassed her and she dove under my desk and cried very loudly.
I had to beg her to come out. She’s usually the language police, but not this time.
Girlfriend, not Celina.
But that wasn’t the weird thing that happened.
The weird thing happened when Homeslice pooped her diaper and I realized that I didn’t have a spare with me, so I grabbed a diaper wipe and decided to reach into the back and pull the poop out because the kid freaking stank. Stunk? Stinked? She smelled.
And so I waited until nobody was around and I made my move. I dug into the back of her diaper and I pulled out the poop, wiping her bum as I went and just as I was pulling my hand out of the diaper, who walks though but the director on her way out to lunch.
She’s pretty cool about allowing us to bring our kids in every so often, for a short time as long as they’re quiet and don’t make a mess,and there I was standing there in a field of puzzle pieces and mashed cheerios with a hand full of diaper shit while she cooed at Homeslice and talked to Girlfriend all about her birthday.
It felt like forever, you guys. I don’t think she noticed that I had a hand full of shit, but what if she had?
I don’t really have an ending to this story.
Similar Posts:
- The Thunda from Down Unda
- bloody diarrhea asshole
- OMG! WTF? Why is that chair following me?
- Patty-O, etc.
- Is there a guy playing guitar in the closet or is Crissy an asshole?
I am so tired after reading about your day that I think I need a nap!
MsDarkstar’s last blog post… Searching…
Oh God. One moment takes forever sometimes.
k8’s last blog post… Therapy Cooking
they say a shit in the hand is worth two in the diaper.
or is that birds and bushes? i can’t remember.
Crissy’s Pimp’s last blog post… may27, 2010
Is it your day off soon? Because you need some rest. Also, I’m impressed by your ingenuity.
Melissa Lion’s last blog post… Banana Republic, I Rue the Day!!!
Wow. I would never pull poo out of JP’s bebe diape.
Natballs’s last blog post… Self Portrait
OMG slow down before you crash and burn! Where do you get the energy? The poop removal idea-very creative. You give us the best ideas. That’s why you’re the QOFE!
OMG the things moms have to do! When homeslice gets bigger and back talks you you can always pull out the line “I held your shit IN MY HAND. That is as much shit as I will take from you.”.
That is not a pretty story. That’s all I have to say. ..
Paula’s last blog post… THINGS I KNOW TO BE TRUE ABOUT ME . . .
“…there I was standing there in a field of puzzle pieces and mashed cheerios with a hand full of diaper shit while she cooed at Homeslice and talked to Girlfriend all about her birthday.
There’s a metaphor of life or work in there somewhere, but I’m too tired to figure it out. Time for another cup of coffee.
Only you could wind up in this predicament. I’m sure Hubs is suitably proud.
metaphor for, dammit. need. more. coffee.
poor baby. that’s a shitty day fo sho.
pattypunker’s last blog post… 10 important factoids about me
How the hell did you get through ALL of that?!?! It takes me a week and a half to do that many household activities.
Sabreena’s last blog post… Teachers Make Easy Targets
um, kind of glad you didn’t have an ending
joeinvegas’s last blog post… Two things
Did you put it in the book drop?
Rebecca’s last blog post… Six Years
Ah, that-kind-of forever. Like when your intrusive mother won’t stop talking at your bedroom door and you have your dick in your hand under the covers. Am I right, people?
Christian’s last blog post… I Wore Two Sunglasseses
rebecca: ahahahahhahahahahahaha
christian: i know that of what you speak
A desperate moment in a life of mothering. How did you dispose of the poop?
carrie meadows’s last blog post… Simple Italian Meatballs
I was trying to come up with some clever comment and then I saw Rebecca’s and nothing can beat that.
Megkathleen’s last blog post… A Pop of Green
I would have ended it with: “And then a spaceship came down and aliens came out and held out a hand in greeting, but because I had excrement on my hand, I couldn’t reciprocate, so, in a bit of a sulk, they left, and vapourised the White House. Oh well.”
Or something like that.
Philip Smith’s last blog post… A little flash with that?
Your title sounds like it should be in a song. +10 Internets to the one who comes up with the rest!