Honestly, they’re not mine!

I took Girlfriend and Homeslice shopping for some birthday party supplies yesterday. Girlfriend decided on a horse theme, so we bought horse cups and plates and napkins, etc. That shit gets more expensive every year. And then I bent over for a nice eleven millionty dollar ass raping on the party favors–little bandannas to tie together and use as favor bags for a bean bag horse, a decorate the horse with stickers thingy, and a horse finger puppet, and then we went to Target to buy dog food, cat food, panty liners, and a squirt bottle.

We get in the slightly creepy cashier’s line (I go so often I’m practically dating the slightly creepy cashier) and Girlfriend likes to put the stuff on the conveyor belt, so she does and when she gets to the panty liners, she’s goes “mama, what’s these for?” And I didn’t know what to say and the slightly creepy cashier blushed a little bit and then she goes “OH! I KNOW! IT’S FOR WHEN YOU POOP YOUR PANTS SO YOU WON’T GET POOP ON YOUR PANTIES!”

Oh dear God.

Dear, dear, dear God.

Behind us in line were a bunch of massage school students in their scrubs picking up sodas between classes. They heard that one loud and clear.

I have to find a new Target because everyone there now thinks I shit myself.

This is what I get for plotting to put Vagisil in random people’s carriages. That damn karma again! GAH!

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21 comments

  1. HAHA sorry but that is funny only because it happened to me but not quite the same. My daughter yelled out in the middle of the store “This is for when the red stuff comes out of your butt! When I get big I don’t want red stuff to come out of my butt!”

  2. OMG, that reminds me of what my mother told me, when I found her panty liners under the sink. She said, “Sometimes stuff comes out of girls’ vaginas.”(!!!!!!!!!!!)

    And again…(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

    For weeks I’d check my panties periodically. Expecting, I think, a new bicycle.

  3. OMG, that reminds me of what my mother told me, when I found her panty liners under the sink. She said, “Sometimes stuff comes out of girls’ vaginas.”(!!!!!!!!!!!)

    And again…(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

    For weeks I’d check my panties periodically. Expecting, I think, a new bicycle.

  4. My son caught sight of a pad while I was using the facilities once and I made the mistake of telling him it was mama’s diaper. He later informed my in laws that I was wearing a diaper. Thank you son for giving your grandfather TMI. Unlike Target, I can’t find a new extended family.
    .-= Sabreena’s last blog post… I’m Becoming a Poor Man’s Martha Stuart =-.

  5. HELLO its shafi from Pakistan I have started reading your blog recently and I think you ate the most amazing writer? I have read writers like Anthony summers,Ann rule,William dalrymple and I must tell you though your topic are totally different but your writings are better then all of them u mix humor and sex which is amazing so I wanted to suggest that why don’t you write a book? if you have already can you kindly tell me if its available on the Amazon?? Cuzco they are the ones who can deliever in Pakistan I just sit in my office and laugh do nothing since I started reading your blog and you have a wonderful husband who seem to support you in everything you do so I will wait for the book and I would like to see more pics of you most warm and personal regards madam. SHAFI

  6. Just tell the girls you bleed occasionally from the sex daddy puts you thru. That’ll keep them virgins until they are 40 or so.

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