So I chaperoned a field trip at Girfriend’s school yesterday. It was a beautiful day to be outside with a gazillion little kids with snotty allergies and Homeslice on my back in the backpack. The EPCs kept to themselves, which was very thoughtful of them, and we had a really nice time.

Until.

There was an incident.

You see, Girlfriend has very recently become rather sweet on a boy named Jack (swoon). We saw Jack on Mother’s Day at the garden shop, and ever since then, she’s been crazy for the boy.  She even put together a bag of all her dinosaur movies to give to him as a present because she knows he likes dinosaurs.

She’s got it bad, you guys.

And he has a baby brother just about Homeslice’s age.  Here’s a picture of her with little Spanky (that is not his real name).  They’ll be in the same class when the time comes, and so maybe I’ll have two girls in love with the Jack family.

But Homeslice already has a suitor:

His name is William.  He’s in love with Homeslice because “she likes (him) and she doesn’t talk.”

He’s a nice little boy and I think Homeslice is picking up what he’s putting down.  She’s playing it cool, but I see her glancing in his direction.  He usually has cake when it happens, but cake is the way to my heart, so clearly the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

“Gee is that some cake?  And who is that handsome fellow holding the cake?  I wonder if he’d be interested in giving me his cake…”

That sort of thing.

But Jack is a nice little boy, too.  He was very nice to his baby brother at the flower store, and yesterday he was all over Homeslice (this could get complicated.  William, this is your official heads up.  You’ve got competition from an older man.)

Girlfriend’s teacher tells me that Girlfriend gave my father-in-law a hard time leaving school on Tuesday because it would leave Jack alone in the playground with that whore,  JULIE.

You see Queefies, Girlfriend is involved in a love triangle because Julie likes Jack, too.

I may or may not have given Julie the fruit punch with ex-lax in it.

May or may not have.

While Jack was sitting in the grass playing with Homeslice, Girlfriend came over and sat next to him and said “you know, Jack.  I’m falling in love with you.  I’m going to marry you.”

Jack avoided eye contact, scratched the back of his neck, squinted, and ran away.  And Girlfriend chased him.  And Julie saw that Girlfriend was chasing Jack and so she started chasing Girlfriend.  Jack zigged and they zagged and they wound up smacking into each other and bonking heads, leaving both girls crying in a pile on the ground.  Poor little Jack didn’t know who to comfort first, and so he ran back and forth between them, rubbing their backs and wiping their tears while the girls competed for who could let out the most pathetic cry.

Jack eventually gave up and came to play with Homeslice.

That’s right, Queefies.

Homeslice got game.

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