What’s the matter Colonel Sanders,*Chicken?*

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So I’ve got another bug up my ass, Queefies. It was the car, and then the puppy, and before all that it was the windows, and now it’s chickens.

That’s right, she said chickens.

Back around Easter time I saw a thing on Martha Stewart all about chickens and raising chickens and she does it so it must mean it’s classy, right?

But she had all these really fancy looking ones and Girlfriend and I were riveted and now WE WANT CHICKENS! We’re mostly vegetarians around here, and we get a lot of our protein from eggs, and I’m not terribly happy to learn how chickens are treated, even under the best of circumstances, so I’d rather know my eggs came from happy chickens who go for regular manis and pedis and feather fluffings and whatnot. I’m not ever going to eat the chickens, but I will share the eggs with family and friends and feel superior and smug every time I pass the egg section at the Super Stop & Shop’s.

And the beautiful part of this is that we have the perfect spot. You see Queefies, our garage has two levels because it used to be a carriage house. The upper level is where the carriage would go, and the lower level is where the horsies lived. And there’s a small yard down there that looks very much like it belongs to Earl and Maudette.

We could keep the chickens down there, and people will think they belong to them and the Crissys will avoid the stigma of being the assholes with the fucking rooster, while at the same time, having a rooster to piss off Maudette’s hangovers!

The rooster wouldn’t bother me any. Our neighbors growing up had one. It just appeared in their yard one day and wouldn’t leave, so they took care of it. It followed their dog around wherever it went. It was hysterical.

So yes. I want to get chickens. Not right now, I’ve got my hands full right now, but soon.


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  1. The Kardashians did the chicken thing for a while too.
    I wouldn’t get a rooster though. He fertilizes eggs. Then you’re eating baby chicks.
    A friend of mine has a chicken coup. With 20 chickens they get about 5 eggs a day. They still have to buy eggs sometimes.

  2. I have thought about that just recently! Thanks for the Atlanta link. I might have to check it out. 🙂

  3. Oh, don’t even get me started on the whole chicken thing……I want them TOO!! My dad has a farm, and I want CHICKENS..however, I don’t want to take CARE of said chickens and their totally nasty, ammoinia smelling poo.

    Oh, and the snakes. My frienemy, Google, has some opinions that chicken coops draw snakes because they want to eat the eggs. Hell. to. the. NO. on the snakes. Even a slight chance for snakes…un uh…

    However, I’ve discovered, that since he’s in rural Missouri, that we can BUY fresh eggs from people who don’t MIND chicken shit and snakes………Brown eggs (which for whatever reason ALSO makes ME feel superior). For like a dollar a dozen or two dollars a dozen………That seems WAAAYYYY easier than ammonia laden chicken poo and snakes. And i get free range eggs and superiority.

    check it out….surely RI has some rural areas that you can get your protiens!!

    p.s. I also want a goat. Yep to make homemade, FRESH goat cheese. Again, I just don’t want to CARE for said goat. Shit….what is a girl to DO????

  4. Whoops, I also can’t spell. Don’t blame Perfectly, however. It’s my grown out fake nails that I can’t afford to do anything with til pay day tomorrow…..it wreaks HAVOC on my typing skills.

  5. Check your city laws, I think you can have chickens, but they don’t allow roosters, unless you live out in the country. My sister in law has chickens and she says it costs a lot to feed them everyday, more than eggs cost. There are some beautiful chickens though. I would love to have a couple, but I can’t where I live. You do have to clean up their area a lot though.
    .-= Connie’s last blog post… Boo on Red Robin and Thumbs up on Yummy Range House Restaurant =-.

  6. Shelly- SNAKES???????????????????
    I might have to reconsider. I can’t deal. Anything but snakes. Give me spiders, give me bees, but don’t ever give me snakes.

  7. Connie- this area is officially dubbed “rural” although there’s almost nothing rural about it these days. We can totally have chickens if we want them.

  8. I get my eggs from Cowgirl, who has three children slaves who do the chicken chores for us. Yes. Slaves. Two of them still think it’s “fun.”
    .-= k8’s last blog post… Therapy Tuesday =-.

  9. Unless you’re in a Zone A (agriculture) you can’t have chickens. You need to check that out first. My neighbor got a rooster and EVERYONE in our neighborhood went nuts. He had to get rid of it.

  10. Having your own chickens is awesome!
    I’ve had them for 9 years.
    They only lay really well for 2 years, then they are pets or stew.

    So we keep 8 laying hens, and get 4 new chicks every Spring to replace the 4 oldest hens (which become stew in the Fall when the new chicks start laying eggs and the old ones quit.)
    Now that it’s Spring, we get 5-7 eggs per day from our 8 hens. In the Winter (less than 14 hrs. of light per day) we only got one egg per day, but you can keep a light bulb on a timer to make 14 hrs. and most of the chickens will be dumb enough to keep laying eggs.

    Chickens ARE shitmachines. We’ve never had a snake. DON’T get a rooster – our closest neighbor is 1/2 mile away and we can hear their rooster very clearly.
    But the different brown and light green eggs (from Americaunas) from the variety of happy chickens is SO worth it! As well as the smugness from passing those watery white things at the supermarket.

  11. Portland is chicken ground zero. Everyone has them. I will say though that the egg to money ratio is not good. You’re spending way more on the chickens than what they’re worth.

    I’m in the no more poop phase of my life where anything that produces feces that I’d have to clean is OUT.

    Also, I have a new blog post. Why isn’t it showing up down there? GOODBYE JILLIAN MICHAELS, HELLO BRAIN CANCER.
    .-= Melissa Lion’s last blog post… My First Brush with Jillian Michaels =-.

  12. Had a friend who had chickens. Fox kept getting into the chicken coop at night to enjoy chicken dinner. My friend (who is not so bright) no longer has chickens. They were a lot of work, but you have Girlfriend to be your chicken wrangler. So go for it. Nothing like child labor.

  13. Not sure if chickens attract snakes but do know they attract rats. Remember as a kid sitting on the porch roof with a 22 trying picking them off as they made their way to the coop. Find a local farm that sells eggs, cleaner and cheaper in the long run.

  14. My dad and stepmom have chickens and it is A LOT of work. Did you know chickens should be vaccinated? If they’re not they can get a disease that makes them basically become crippled, and then they die. Once your barn has had one infected chicken, the space is forevermore contaminated and the healthy birds can get it even after the sick bird is eliminated. So yes. Chicken shots.
    .-= Heidi Renée’s last blog post… I might still add -Pitt to my last name, though. =-.

  15. My friend Janine has an organic farmette, and her chickens basically live in the Hilton, as chicken lodging goes. Her eggs are unbelievable, and would compete with the ones that go for $6/dozen in New York, if she were selling them. They’re free range, so they are out in the garden on nice days, eating insects, and fertilizing the soil at the same time, Go for it, but first get some good chicken how-to books.

  16. Our neighborhood is zoned for farmy stuff. The neighbor has chickens, and last month the roosters became stew (about 20 of them). They also have a dozen laying eggs over there over the wall. They have a small pig too, but tomorrow it becomes BBQ, and the whole neighborhood is iniivted!
    So go for it, especially if the roosters would annoy the neighbor. But you really don’t want a rooster, because then you get fertilized eggs, which is bad if you don’t gather them every day.
    .-= joeinvegas’s last blog post… E climbing =-.

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