As you know I’ve been eBaying a little bit for the cherubs and I got to thinking.
“Crissy, you should see if there’s something for YOU on eBay!” And then I was all ” Like, OMG! You’re so smart!”
I’m always shopping for Homeslice and Girlfriend and never for myself. Their stuff is just so cute and shopping for myself is really frustrating because of that whole being stuck in that gray area between 17 and 71 and also I have no money so it’s just more fun to make them look cute. If I could, I would be an Anthropologie girl. God, I love that stuff.
(note to Queefies: My birthday is coming up. You guys should chip and get me a gift card to Anthropologie. I think about $20,000 should do it.)
So I’ve been Anthropologieing on eBay. I got a totally awesome skirt the other day and I’d show you but I can’t get the fucking picture. Trust me it’s gorgeous and I’m thrilled with it.
But can I ask you something?
What is wrong with people?
In my search for fabulousness, I came across a whole lot of dysfunction. Below are just a few of the pictures I found in my search for “Anthropologie Dress.”
I haave the longest arms EEEVERRRR!
Say that in Oprah’s voice because that’s how I hear it in my head when I say it. I’m so distracted by the arms I can’t remember what the dress looks like. Seriously, I have to keep going back to look and I get distracted every time. Also the flip-flops are annoying.
And please, don’t get your tired friend to model the most unflattering dress ever made.
She’s not helping you sell that shit. And is it me or is it skeevie to see people wearing the stuff? I don’t want your pits on my potential new dress, k?
Um, speaking of skeevie…
This dress is on the floor laying on top of an ugly old sleeping bag next to some shoe polish, some dude’s boots, a pizza box, and a bottle cap. It has zero bids.
Rotate the fucking picture, ASSHAT!
You managed to take the picture, create an eBay account and upload the picture, but you couldn’t figure out how to rotate it? And put your foot down. You don’t look kicky and cute. You’re a moron.
And who stands like this?
WHO? I think the poor girl has broken her back! What would Tyra say?
So yes. Fucking people.
PS: Toy with Me today! It’s up… Men And Sex Toys – Double Standard?
PSS: Don’t forget my contest to win a $25 gift card!