Dude does NOT look like a lady, but I’ll take it!

So, I’ve been feeling incredibly lonely lately.

I miss diving into a bottle (a big one) of wine with my friends and not worrying about having to deal with some kids or nurse a baby to sleep or having to bury a body all by myself. Most of my friends have kids of their own, or they live somewhere far away AND they have kids and so some of my friendships are carried out in 10 minute, highly interrupted, from one side or the other, phone calls. Somebody’s kid always blows up, or they have to get out of the car to pick up a kid or drop off a kid or something happens and the conversation gets cut short.

I know this is just how it is when you have kids. It happens to everybody. It’s just one of those kick you in the crotch realities of parenthood. I know Mister goes through some degree of this as well.  All of his friends have kids too, and his super cool garage band is all but kaput.  Their stuff was all rusty, and Mister had a spider climb out of his amp when they played out a couple of weeks ago.

It’s just the stage of life we’re in, but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.  It’s probably one of the hardest things about it, actually. You wind up being isolated at a time when you need some friends the most.  And I know that soon enough they will go from being totally dependent on me, to not wanting anything to do with me and I’ll be feeling lonely for a totally different reason.

But for now, I just want to get shit-faced and talk about clothes and diets and NOT KIDS.

That’s all.

Simple stuff.

And when I get home, I don’t want to have to nurse somebody to sleep or make sure teeth are brushed.  I’m dreaming.  I know.

And then the other day, my brother called me and he’s all “I need some new clothes. I need you to help me find my style. I don’t have one and I want one. Also, I need to lose weight. Teach me how.”

Queefies, it was as if the goddess heard my prayers and sent me…A SISTER!

I used to dress him up like a girl when we were little because I wanted a sister and they sent me the wrong thing. He was only two, so I got away with it without him punching me in the face. And now, he’s coming to me for help with girl stuff. So today while Girlfriend is at school, Homeslice and I will take Uncle Billy shopping, and then we’ll talk about diets and it will be just like going out with a lady friend.

Except, you know, it’s with my brother.  And there’s no wine.  And I’ll have Homeslice with me.

But it’s a start!

Do you think I could get him to try on a dress for me?

Just one?


Do you think he’d want to go to the Clinique counter to test out face cream?

Maybe some bra shopping?

Go grab a couple of salads and a diet coke?

Talk about our periods?

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