If you know me at all, you know that I can’t make a cake to save my life and that I out and out refuse to let cake win. I insist on getting this right and NOT winding up like Julianne Moore in that scene from The Hours when she frosts the cake, dumps it in the trash, and abandons her family forever, even though after all the celebrations we’ve had where I’ve brought some sort of abortion and made everyone eat it for dessert, they probably wish I’d run away forever. I don’t blame them at all. Dessert is important. I should be left for dead on an iceberg or something.
Remember last Zombie Jesus Day’s disaster?
And then Girlfriend’s My Little Pony birthday atrocity?
Well, this Easter I present to you Lemon Fiasco Cake.
Ya-ta-da-da!!
It was supposed to be a lemon cake with lemon filling and buttercream frosting and I followed the directions exactly and made the whole thing from scratch and when I went to frost it after putting the filling on the middle layer, it started splooshing out the sides and it was horrible, just horrible.
I tried to make it work, but eventually I had to give up because the frosting wouldn’t stick to the places where the filling splooshed out and without frosting covering the whole thing, you could totally see the burned parts and it kind of looked like raw egg yolk dripping out of the middle of the cake and UGH!
Ew.
And poor Girlfriend, she’s so sweet, she was standing on a chair next to me at the counter going “it’s okay mama! I like it! It looks…really great! Yeah! Delicious!”
I wound up calling my mother, hysterical, and asking her to bring some sort of replacement dessert because Lemon Fiasco Cake was not going to be gracing my table if I had anything to say about it, so she sent my brother out for something edible, but she still made me serve the Lemon Fiasco Cake anyway because she’s fucking evil.
And I told everyone it said right there on the recipe that the cake was “light and fluffy” and they all laughed.
I didn’t think it was THAT funny.
Assholes.
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I feel like I should stay away from things that include the word fiasco. That’s just asking for it.
Maxie’s last blog post… This is how you do April Fools’ Day.
It’s okay, QOFE. I like it! It looks… really awesome! Yeah! Delicious!
Seriously, that is a very pretty plate the cake-like thing is on. A very nice plate indeed.
stoogepie’s last blog post… Great Stories of the Bible 4
But those cupcake/muffins to the left look delicious. You made those, right?
Dingo’s last blog post… Thanks for Nuttin’
you live in the land of Italian Bakeries and still you persist…
I love the name you gave the cake! I bet it still tasted good, right? That’s really all that counts.
I love it! And I would totally have served it. But only because my family would laugh and my brother would probably take a bite and then do “see food” and let pieces of it fall out of his mouth and people would take pictures. Because that’s who we are.
k8’s last blog post… Easter
Have you considered maybe switching to making pies instead?
You are not alone:
http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/
Hehe, I think the issue here was that you were supposed to let the filling set before splattering the sides of the cake with frosted goodies.
Mystern’s last blog post… Sunday playlist 4-4-10
At least you try! I just call someone tell them what I want
I even make the Easy Bake Oven cakes look like a disaster. OH well……….Kids will eat anything, right?
Rebecca’s last blog post… My Little Joey-Joe
fuck betty crocker. i just found my favorite bakery to order from.
some girls cook in the kitchen, some sizzle in the bedroom. ; )
patty punker’s last blog post… happy easter a la patty punker
i thought the cake was yummy!
not as yummy as you, though.
Deserts made in a crock pot almost always come out perfect. almost. always. anyway.
it doesn’t have to look pretty to taste delicious, though… and that looks like it tasted DARN delicious. mmmmm frosting….
Alice’s last blog post… women’s writes: clinic escorting
Maybe you should make a bundt cake with a glaze or something to help build your confidence. Those are pretty easy…
I’m with the others…how did it taste?
I think that looks delicious. I’d eat it. And how.
Melissa Lion’s last blog post… Blog Dysmorphia
It helps if you chill the filling and make sure the cake is room temperature before adding the second layer on top. It looks like it tasted good – most super fancy cakes have gross frosting and flavor anyway!
Okay, but I did chill the filling for several hours and the cake was also at room temperature. What else you got cake experts?
Crissy’s last blog post… Lemon Fiasco Cake
Freeze the filled cake for awhile before you frost it? I love making cakes from scratch even though they never look that great and are rarely light and fluffy. I’ve made a few kids’ birthday cakes that had to be propped and staked with toothpicks and skewers so the layers didn’t slide into a giant pile of goo. I think it’s supposed to be the thought that counts anyway. And as long as the frosting tastes good, it’s ALL good!
Well, I’m no expert, QOFE, but it seems to me that if you had let it chill in the fridge for two hours and, while it was cooling, gone to a bakery and bought a cake, everything would have worked out perfectly. This works for every cake you ever bake, so write it down somewhere.
I hope at least that the porn you had with the cake was good.
stoogepie’s last blog post… Great Stories of the Bible 4
Stoogie, yes. It was. My dad particularly enjoyed Sour Ass Angels #47. He said it was the perfect accompaniment.
Crissy’s last blog post… Lemon Fiasco Cake
I dunno Crissy, it looks delicious. It’s a little messy. Who gives a shit? My mother used to say that it all gets mooshed up in your stomach, anyway. And I don’t usually quote my mother.
This post has touched me.
I go thu the SAME THING. The naive optimism, the effort, the frustration, the anger. People are kind but they just don’t understand: none of the tips ever work. We follow the recipes EXACTLY and yet we still end up disappointed and sticky…
We should take a class-isn’t there a school in these parts?…….. Penis and Dolphins, or something?……..
…..no!- Johnson and Wales!..THATS it.
We’ll take a little class just as soon as the nannies arrive .
You served store-bought porn at Easter?!? Maybe I’m a little old fashioned, but I only served homemade to family. I’m a bit disappointed.
stoogepie’s last blog post… Great Stories of the Bible 4
I tried to make a cake with layers and a Boston cream filling and it sounded so delicious and looked fabulous in the picture but when I actually tried to put it together the EXACT same thing happened. With the squishing out the side and the mess and the awfulness. It did taste good though. Kind of.
Your cake actually still looks edible. Did anybody try any of it, at least? Maybe if you start a new tradition where everybody has to eat their dessert blindfolded, you’d do better.