I tried Turbo Jamming it the other day.
It wasn’t pretty, even though I’ve Turbo Jammed it with The Bronchieties a couple of times already.
About half way through the hour, I got out of breath. Now, any normal person would be like “well, duh! You’ve been jumping and punching and kicking for 30 minutes. You should be out of breath, fucktard!” But not me, Queefies. My anxiety over having The Bronchieties made me think I was having some kind of massive lung attack and I thought I was going to die and I worked myself up into such a tizzy that I had a full blown panic attack. It was the first one in about 6 years.
But I kept on Turbo Jamming anyway, all the while I was certain that I was dying of a lung attack and my interior monologue went a little something like this:
What if I pass out? Who is going to take care of Homeslice and Girlfriend? Will Girlfriend think to call 911? Will she remember to do that? Maybe I should go over that with her right now. Or should I run across the street and give them to Michele? No. I can’t leave the house looking like this! I have to wash my hair. I look dirty and I’m all sweaty from the heart attack I’m having. I don’t want to go in the ambulance with dirty hair. I have to find a way to wash my hair before I pass out, but what if I pass out in the shower and drown in the water? Oh my god ohmygodohmygooooodddd!
And so it went until I finally decided that looking good when dying was more important than getting my cardio in before slipping into a lung attack coma and so I took a shower and did my breathing exercises and felt better even though Homeslice sat on the floor and screamed her assicals off the entire time and the phone kept ringing and Girlfriend had locked herself in a room with Alice (which is extremely bad news if Girlfriend wants to keep her face, fyi) But I’ve been in that odd twilight phase you get after an attack like that and it kinda sucks.
I think the steroid nasal spray they gave me for my Sinusitisis fucked me up a little bit. I stopped taking it a couple of days ago, and I’ve felt totally weird since. The worst part is that I think it messed with Homeslice, too. I told that lady doctor I was nursing! GAH! INCOMPETENCE!
Take her away!
- A day in the life. OR why vodka is good for lunch.
- Monday, Monday, Monday.
- Multiple Dysfunction
- Wood Glue: not #1 choice for the spanking of the monkey but ok for gluing actual wood.
- Overheard in Crissy’s Shower This Very Weekend Past. Brought to you by the Makers of Klonopin, Stoli, and Norplant.