Welcome to my Anxiety Disorder. Pull up a chair and put 911 on speed dial.

I tried Turbo Jamming it the other day.

It wasn’t pretty, even though I’ve Turbo Jammed it with The Bronchieties a couple of times already.

About half way through the hour, I got out of breath. Now, any normal person would be like “well, duh! You’ve been jumping and punching and kicking for 30 minutes. You should be out of breath, fucktard!” But not me, Queefies. My anxiety over having The Bronchieties made me think I was having some kind of massive lung attack and I thought I was going to die and I worked myself up into such a tizzy that I had a full blown panic attack. It was the first one in about 6 years.

But I kept on Turbo Jamming anyway, all the while I was certain that I was dying of a lung attack and my interior monologue went a little something like this:
What if I pass out? Who is going to take care of Homeslice and Girlfriend? Will Girlfriend think to call 911? Will she remember to do that? Maybe I should go over that with her right now. Or should I run across the street and give them to Michele? No. I can’t leave the house looking like this! I have to wash my hair. I look dirty and I’m all sweaty from the heart attack I’m having. I don’t want to go in the ambulance with dirty hair. I have to find a way to wash my hair before I pass out, but what if I pass out in the shower and drown in the water? Oh my god ohmygodohmygooooodddd!

And so it went until I finally decided that looking good when dying was more important than getting my cardio in before slipping into a lung attack coma and so I took a shower and did my breathing exercises and felt better even though Homeslice sat on the floor and screamed her assicals off the entire time and the phone kept ringing and Girlfriend had locked herself in a room with Alice (which is extremely bad news if Girlfriend wants to keep her face, fyi) But I’ve been in that odd twilight phase you get after an attack like that and it kinda sucks.

I think the steroid nasal spray they gave me for my Sinusitisis fucked me up a little bit. I stopped taking it a couple of days ago, and I’ve felt totally weird since. The worst part is that I think it messed with Homeslice, too. I told that lady doctor I was nursing! GAH! INCOMPETENCE!

Take her away!

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  1. Thank god I’m going to the doctor today. I think after reading this I want him to up my lexapro. Oh, my new thing is this lady died after drinking to much water while trying to win her kids an Xbox of something. So last night I had to much of the wine and woke up this morning and had a lot of water. Then I wondered if my brain was going to explode or expand or something. Now I have a headache.

    I’m going back to my happy place where I picture “the hardening of the Mold” 😀

  2. i’ve had anxiety attacks over the asthma. when it flares i get mad coughing attacks. which are exasperated by exercise. which is totally embarrassing in say a spin class.

    i think i’m dying because the asthma will def turn into COPD. and i’m ruining everyone’s else’s class with crazy cough. and i’m concerned because i think i’m coughing my IUD out. and the more anxious i get about coughing my IUD out, the worse it gets.

    vicious cycle.
    .-= patty punker’s last blog post… i hurt in weird places =-.

  3. I haven’t had one of those in a while (knock on wood). However, the meds I took once for depression/anxiety? when I came off them, caused panic issues for me. Lovely.

    And the whole nursing thing – I took pepto recently without batting an eye. Then I remembered I’m nursing and googled pepto, which you’re NOT supposed to take while nursing. So apparently my daughter is now going to be all f-ed up because mommy had diarrhea. Lovely.

    Hope your day gets better and you have a fabulous weekend!

  4. jumping….totally reminded me of what I read in the newspaper earlier this week………a plastic surgeon said that jumping is bad for your face (all your skin) because jumping causes your skin to sag and droop down…over time, it will just stay that way…..same with jogging and running.
    .-= Rebecca’s last blog post… What Bush Is This? =-.

  5. Oh, Crissy. I too suffer from progressive anxiety. Kind of like an old fashioned progressive dinner….where you go eat different courses at different peoples houses?

    Yeah…..My brain goes from topic to topic…each previous topic leading to some new DISASTEROUS topic to fret about.

    It’s not fun. REally not fun

  6. I hear you about stuff like that. Mine usually involves the furnace and cabon monoxide and freezing to death. Or getting fired because I don’t understand PC’s or Windows 7 or IE and I keep having to ask questions, which is where I’m at right now.
    .-= Melissa Lion’s last blog post… I’m sorry =-.

  7. There are a number of treatment options available for people suffering from social anxiety, an often debilitating condition that is characterized by the fear of being negatively evaluated by others in social situations. Because social anxiety disorder has both mental and emotional symptoms, as well as physical signs of distress, most treatment regimens focus on the combined use of medications and various behavioral therapies. While medications have proven to be successful in alleviating many of the physical aspects of the condition, in order to permanently affect changes in the underlying thought processes of the patient usually involve such therapies as exposure and response preventio

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