The story that’s not actually a story except it TOTALLY is one! But not in the sense that you think I said it is. Only it’s completely true mostly. I’ve even confused myself at this point.

On Tuesday morning at around 5-ish, Mister followed me into the bathroom while reading his blackberry, and he’s all “you wanna hear something totally fucked up?” So I’m all “of course!” because I love fucked up stories, even at 5 am when I have to pee. Who doesn’t? And he proceeds to tell me that he saw a facebook update from a friend of his named…we’ll call her Monica, who expressed some trepidation about trying something new, and one of the comments was from a guy named…we’ll call him…Playa. And Playa said to Monica that she’ll do fine and not to worry and Mister recognized Playa’s picture as one of our neighbors (who we all always sensed was a little bit of a douche but never had any proof) and sent Monica a message asking her how she knows Playa.

Well.

Monica was all “oh, I dated Playa for a month about half a year ago. He’s a nice guy.”

And so the reason why this is a story at all is because Playa happens to be married with two little ones and about a half a year ago, Playa’s wife was miserably, hugely pregnant with Homeslice’s little friend, HomegirlAcrosstheWay.

YES.

And so Mister is all “Oh SNAP! I see you, Playa!”

To make it a little worse for Playa’s poor wife, who is a pretty nice person, Monica is a Hottie McHotterson and Playa’s poor wife was so uncomfortably pregnant at the time (or she had just given birth) when this all took place it just makes it worse somehow. Douche-ier or whatever.

So now we know something very naugh-tee about one of our neighbors and it gets kinda good for me and Jesus is totally hooking my shit up because he always has a new BMW (license plate says “NO EGO” I know, right? My. ass.) and what does Crissy want more than anything in the whole wide history of forever and a day?

That’s RIGHT!

And so I think I might ask to borrow it sometime because YES.

PS: It’s a TWM day, so go check it out: My Brand Of Feminism Includes Chivalry

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19 comments

  1. If my husband ever did that I would totally hand him his man parts on a platter. I don’t know what’s worse, that he cheated or that he cheated while she was uncomfortably pregnant with his baby. What an ass!!!
    .-= kelly’s last blog post… The Doctor Scared Me =-.

  2. When we first moved into our condo building, I decided to Google everyone in the building. I learned one woman went to the same school as me and another guy was arrested for a DUI. Awesome. Eventually, I put my foot in my mouth when I said something to the woman about school and she hadn’t told me where she went. It was awkward, at best.
    .-= Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks’s last blog post… Contest =-.

  3. WANKER!

    and what a loser – being friends with her one f/book as well. That is just ASKING for trouble (as if putting his wang where it doesn’t belong isn’t bad enough)

  4. That is fucked. I think it’s douchey to cheat but douchier to cheat on a pregnant woman. Why the hell is he still contacting the other woman? I would make him give me his BMW if I were you Crissy, he deserves no perks. I say blackmail! The ends justify the means.
    .-= Sabreena’s last blog post… 2 Cent Tuesdays: Teen Cribs =-.

  5. Ok, I know this is a long shot- but maybe they have an open relationship – is it possible the wife knows about it (even if your friend didn’t, which is still not ok). A lot of people with open relationships aren’t out about them because of social stigma. It could even be possible that your friend DID know he was married (have you asked her?)- if everyone is in the know, then it might not be your cup of tea, but it’s certainly less douchey. I mean, if he is friends with her on FB chances are some people in his life are in the know.

  6. Kimberly- I wondered if they were separated at the time because he wasn’t around much during that period. She could very well know about it, but I don’t think they’re the open relationship type. I just don’t get that vibe from them at all.
    .-= crissy’s last blog post… The story that’s not actually a story except it TOTALLY is one! But not in the sense that you think I said it is. Only it’s completely true mostly. I’ve even confused myself at this point. =-.

  7. What a jackass. People wonder why I choose not to get married…that’ll be it. Similar vein, my friend met a guy out smoking at a bar – came in and told me about him. Flirted with him for an hour and then came back to the table and told us that his wedding ring fell out of his wallet. She called him on it, he said his wife DIED and he keeps in there as a reminder. Well – then she brought him over to meet us…I knew him….and his wife was sure as fuck not dead.

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