Is that even how you spell dysfunction? Imagine being so disfunctional that you cannot even spell dyisfunction?
That would be me.
So I’ve been sick for three weeks and I finally went to the doctor yesterday. I’ve got The Bronchitis, The Sinusitis and an ear infection, whatever kind of itis that is, I know not.
And I had to have one of those fog machine breathing treatments right there at the office because the doctor thought I might have The P-newmonia, but I don’t. Just the bronchieties and the other stuff. Don’t forget the other stuff. The other stuff is very important too. She looked at my throat, frowned, and said “you poor thing. That looks like it hurts.” And then I was like “uh-huh” in my most pathetic Bill Cosby kid’s voice and she gave me all sorts of drugs to fix all the dysfunctions and I wish to hell she had sent a nurse home with me because the chances of like, going to bed to recover are not good, Queefies.
As it is, I had to do the breathing treatment bouncing up and down with Homeslice on my hip because she was getting fussy because she was getting hungry because we had to wait so long to be seen.
Motherhood is a motherfucking cock in the ass sometimes.
I bet nobody’s ever said that about motherhood before, so you read it here first.
Motherhoood: A Motherfucking Cock in the Ass.
I’ve had a pap smear with her sitting on my chest. I’ve had my teeth cleaned while rocking the car seat with one hand. Mister freaks out when he has to take the kids with him to get a haircut.
I need a nanny. Maybe I can convince Mrs. Fancypants’ nanny to come over to the dark side and work for me instead. I will call her “Karen” instead of calling her “THE NANNY” and I won’t even make her sleep under the stairs.
I’m a better person than Mrs. Fancypants, obviously.
Anyway, have I ever told you guys that I’m scared of drugs? Well, I am and now I have an inhaler and I haven’t used it yet because I’m scared of it. I’m scared of my nasal spray too.
I took it all out of their boxes and I keep looking at them and I can’t. I just can’t do it. Somebody needs to come and hold my hand so I can take my medicine like a big girl.
I should probably go now. Homeslice is chewing on Alice’s dog chewie and I have to work up the strength to stop her.
WHAT?
She won’t choke.
Probably.
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Poor Crissy! I’ve had the Bronchitis too. I had it for five weeks while I was in Bolivia. I’m afraid of medicine too, but I took two weeks of mystery medicines and then I felt better. I hope you feel better too.
Oh, and I feel you on the motherhood gig too. I also held my baby while having part of a physical done. I put him on the floor (on my coat) for the pap though. My husband has a hard time checking his Facebook with the baby in his arms. Can we share the nanny? even if I only have one baby? does that make me a wuss?
.-= chicken lips’s last blog post… I have issues =-.
My kid wouldn’t stop crying long enough for me to get the staples from my c-section taken out. So guess what? She was on my chest while I had them taken out. They kept getting stuck and the nurse had to come stand next to me to catch the baby in case I passed out from pain. The little butt wouldn’t go to anyone else though! The things we do for our kids. ugh
I’m not a big fan of The Meds, either. But, when I was having trouble breathing, you better believed I sucked face with that inhaler. It was (and continues to be) magical – makes all the difference in the world when I can breathe while running!
I may offer some advice on the meds my queen. For the nasal spray do not forget to prime it the first time you use it (ie shake the hell out of it and then squirt it into the air three or four times) then when you go to use it point the business end towards the side of your nose (aim for you ear basically). As for the breathing meds prime it the same way as the nasal spray and then exhale, insert squirt/breath in and hold your breath for a few seconds. Also I feel your pain as I have the bronchitis as well thanks to my office mate.
.-= ColinP’s last blog post… Cop Out with your cock out =-.
YOU are afraid of DRUGS?! this whole time I figured you were popping xanex with your wine at night.tsk tsk, Crissy, tsk tsk.
“I’ve had a pap smear with her sitting on my chest. I’ve had my teeth cleaned while rocking the car seat with one hand. Mister freaks out when he has to take the kids with him to get a haircut. “- lmfao SO TRUE
.-= Natballs’s last blog post… Fucking Thermal Socks =-.
Neti pot. Get on it.
don’t worry, nat.
i am MORE than fond enough of drugs to make up for my wife.
and wifey, the reason i don’t like having the kids with me when i get a haircut is because they cramp my style. it’s tough to get action from the salon groupies with them around.
“Motherhood is a motherfucking cock in the ass sometimes.”
without motherhood, can there BE any motherfucking? i say no.
Call your Mom for some TLC. You deserve it. Also, embrace the meds because they will make you feel so much better. I bet Mister will volunteer to watch the childrens all by his lonesome this weekend so you can get some rest. Yeah right. Send them all on a hike with the woodland gays. Pack the sippy cup.
Oh Crissy. When I feel like that, I just want my mommy. Can your mommy come for a day or so to help? Considering I was barely talking to my mother when I had The Meningitis, you can believe she got in her car and drove three hours when I asked her for help. Make your silly brother come help. Have Mister bring home a hooker to help. I don’t know. If I was there, I would come and hold your hand. I really would.
.-= k8′s last blog post… Happy Feet Friday =-.
better living through chemistry. take the drugs. i felt the same when i was given inhaler scrips for what seemed like every fucking hole on my body, but they get you back quicker.
feel better ((( hugs )))
.-= patty punker’s last blog post… Getting Ready for My Spring Tour =-.
I think the pimp needs to write another essay on the beauty of motherhood and moms and milfs. That last one kept me going for YEARS.
C’mon pimp. Show us moms that dudes appreciate us. Because DID YOU JUST READ THAT POST!?! Crissy is in need of some TLC.
.-= Melissa Lion’s last blog post… Lucky Bastards =-.
That sounds like a suck on suck situation. Maybe you can take your meds when Mister gets home. Nothing is kinkier than a man brandishing a nasal spray dispenser while shoving an inhaler in your mouth.
I do hope you feel better. Maybe you should find someone to come in for a few days to help with the littles while you rest. If you can, I know that too can be a challenge.
.-= Sabreena’s last blog post… Getting to Know You Sunday (on Monday) =-.
Oh Crissy, I am SO sorry you are feeling so yukky. And it’s not overly dysfunctional to not know (or care how to) spell dysfunctional.
Take the meds so you can feel better, though. It’s not like they’re jacking you up on ‘roids or something.
Or, ya know, you could come visit me and cough alot on the downstairs neighbors who freakin’ pound on shit all day and SLAM their door the 5000 or so times they go in and out until I want to stab myself in the ear with an icepick.
Feel better soon!
.-= MsDarkstar’s last blog post… Non-Coffeehouse Sunday Stealing =-.
Poor you. I’ve had bronchitis so many times and the only, THE ONLY good thing about it is the cough syrup with coedine. Did they give you that? If not, go back and demand it because it is the best! You’ll like THAT drug!
Hope this makes you feel better. I got a call from a friend today who has to take antibiotics three times a day because she has grouper streptococcus. And guess, my lady friends, where that is located at….yep, you guessed it, inside her “lily”. How the hell do you get a strep infection inside your lady parts called grouper? I am telling you right now a man named that particular infection. I just know it.
Don’t be scared of the inhaler. I had one in college when I had bronchitis and I accidentally puffed a bit too much and ended up a wee bit high
=-.
.-= stealthnerd’s last blog post…
OMG! You poor thing. Take off and make Mister take off. You go to bed. He takes care of the kids so you can rest.
What? Too obvious?
.-= LA Cochran’s last blog post… This Space Left Intentionally Blank =-.
So it’s like a cock in the ass in the way that sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s not? You kinda have to be in the right mood for it?
.-= Suzy Voices’s last blog post… Snippets =-.
oh crissy! TAKE THE DRUGS! they are wonderful and marvelous and will make everything better. for realsies.
.-= Alice’s last blog post… paintings of the pole: volume 3 =-.
Maybe take the nasal spray while in a really hot steamy shower. It should help. I think. I use plain old saline every day in the shower to keep my nasal passages clear. It feels very strange and took getting used to but I had the sinusitis/ear infection about 6 times in 3 months and that finally helped. If anything at all taking a hot steamy shower for 20 minutes sans kids helps.
.-= Erin’s last blog post… The first step is admitting you have a problem… =-.
I should also say bless your heart. Because really, bless your heart.
.-= Erin’s last blog post… The first step is admitting you have a problem… =-.
Yep, I’m scared of medicines too. But trust in your neuro-radiologist and neuro-oncologist with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding but trust in them and know that they will lead thy way to good health.
.-= Rebecca’s last blog post… The Leg =-.
Crissy’s brother can’t help, he’s shackled in the trunk of my car.
Stop being sick right now, Missy. Right. Now.