So the other night, Mister calls me at work to run a few porn titles by me because porn titles always make me laugh, even when I’m at work and feeling like death, it warms the cockles of my heart like nothing else can.
And then he came across midget porn. I don’t know why I was so surprised by it. Midgets are people too, right? They get their little freaks on just like everybody else, I imagine, but the very idea of it was funny until he came to the next one–Midget Zombie Porn.
And so of course I HAD TO see it because who wouldn’t want to see Midget Zombie Porn? Nobody wouldn’t want to see it, that’s who.
He also downloaded the plain old midget porn too, just for shits and giggles, and all of it was awesome in it’s bizarre glory. It had these two escaped prisoner boy midgets dressed in prison uniforms and handcuffs who supposedly broke into a house to hide from the police. In that house lived a hot Latina woman who was a lettuce farmer.
Right? But wait, it gets better.
There was some sort of silly banter and the prisoner midgets said they haven’t touched a woman in 10 years and so the lettuce farmer starts stripping her clothes off and the midgets (who appear to have normal size dicks, btw) double team her on a bed covered in heads of lettuce. And the farmer was rubbing the lettuce all over her boobs and everyone had smooshed green lettuce streaks all over them.
It was hilarious, but also a little bit gross because of my food and sex issues, and I will never look at a head of iceberg quite the same way again.
But as if that wasn’t bizarre enough, the Midget Zombie Porn was even better. It starts off with a confused slut ( I dare you find porn that doesn’t have any confused sluts in it. The gauntlet has been thrown down. Go forth and seek it, my friends), wandering around what looked like fairgrounds or some sort of antique car show or used car lot or something and she was all alone and stumbly when out of nowhere, a midget zombie starts following her.
OH NO!!!
Run confused slut! RUUUNNNNN lest you be accosted by a tiny zombie in a size 2T sweatsuit and halloween makeup!
And she runs into some messy office-type building, screaming and kicking at the little zombie dude until he pins her to the couch and what do we have here?
Suddenly she goes from sucky actress to blow job maven and then there was anal and she was all “fuck me with your mini-dick” and it was just about the most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen.
So yes. Midget Zombie Porn.
Highly recommend it.
I want you guys to tell me about the weirdest porn you’ve ever seen because I’m totally turning this into a TWM post and wouldn’t you like to see your weird porn stories published over there? I would.
Also, I must have more weird porn in my life!
Similar Posts:
- Mad sick porn, yo
- Take Her Away!
- September is for Lovers
- What the Fuck is Wrong with People?
- Fuck A Book
Will Mister be providing links to where he downloaded said porn? The post had me laughing so hard I almost wet myself but I really really really want to see this for myself.
“Run confused slut! RUUUNNNNN lest you be accosted by a zombie in a size 2T sweatsuit and halloween makeup!”
*snorts coffee from her nose*
So, I guess our movie night theme is now assembled for my next visit?!
OOOOOOHHHHH….this just SCREAMS for a Barbie pictorial.
I want it! NOW!
Rach, U R A GENIUS!!!! HAHAHAHA!
This is too funny. I once saw a porno with a guy using a banana on a girl and eating it. Here is a funny video, a midget throwing contest. http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/80633949/
a description of the midget porn:
—–(cut n paste)———-
midget mania #2:
Wild! Crazy!
“The combination of little people and bizarre scenarios is never a mistake. Highlights include a Most Outrageous Sex Scene pre-nom that stars Aurora as an odd Mexican roughage enthusiast who’s peacefully washing a few heads of lettuce in her sink when Little Romeo and Napoleon climb through her window. They’ve escaped from prison and just want to rip off a piece, but Aurora is terrified, thinking they’re after the box of green treasures she keeps next to her bed. “Wait a minute, Senorita – we’re not after your lettuce,” one of the guys reassures her. They bury her in the shredded leaves of her heart’s desire and manage a credible double penetration.”
Scene 1: An annoyed guard gives an cranky prisoner an “attitude adjustment”.
Scene 2: A pair of pint-sized escapees tag-team a housewife – includes anal and double-penetration.
Scene 3: A compact wrestler gets pinned by an exuberant groupie
Scene 4: Beware of horny midget zombies who want to fuck your brains out.
English with Spanish subtitles (at least I think it’s Spanish)
———————
how could you NOT be enticed to check it out?!?
I can’t say it’s the weirdest porn I’ve seen so far, but it’s the first one that comes to mind. Clown Porn…it was very strange. One scene involved an older clown taking a young girl (she was bent over a big circus ball thing) and as soon as he got off she turned around and screamed “DADDY!?” I was disturbed…who gets off to shit like that?
For my neighborhood, having the audio in Spanish would be great. I’d turn it up loud and make the neighbors wonder WTF was going on with the enanos y lechuga (midgets and lettuce).
And I don’t think there would BE porn without confused sluts.
.-= MsDarkstar’s last blog post… Screws fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place…(3) =-.
there are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MANY genres of porno that are a little, shall we say, “out there…”
(in no particular order)
watersports/golden showers
piss drinking
enemas
bukkake/gokkun
object insertion
giant fake dicks
cosplay
whipping/caning
candles/hot wax
needles/knife play
rubber/latex/saran wrap
fisting/footing
gynecological
zombie/horror
furry
zentai
hentai
buttcam/dildocam
sexmachines
realdolls/candygirls
ponygirls
pussy pumping
vomit
scat
toiletcam
grandma/grandpas
fake balls/fake dicks
heshe/hermaphrodites/ladyboy
it comes as little surprise to hardcore purveyors of smut that the japanese have a corner on the “bizarre porn” market. is it a coincidence that they also have the strictest anti-pornography laws demanding pixelization or obfuscation of genitalia?
for example, another description cut and paste:
NOT FOR THE FAINT OF FART!
Another bizarre Japanese porn. The first scene starts with close ups of a mature woman’s bunghole while she farts repeatedly for about 20 minutes. The next three scenes involve mature women eating some kind of fart inducing food, then facesitting their ‘sons’ and farting in their faces.
I’ve been a confused slut before.
Also…proper defense against Zombies does not included having sex with them. Trust.
.-= Ben’s last blog post… I Hate Sandra Bullock =-.
I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again. John Bobbit UnCut.
Post penis reattachment porn. ROFLMFAO just thinking about it.
.-= Tess’s last blog post… Yup, screwed it up already. But I was watching basketball, and going to court, and getting my drink on, and getting inked! Oh, and then there’s Beowulf. =-.
Don’t forget two girls one cup.
i’m sure i had something to say about the post itself, but the FAINT OF FART thing just scarred me for life and my mind has gone blank.
.-= Alice’s last blog post… i VERY MUCH hope that all searches for "baby oil slip n’ slide" now direct the internet to my blog =-.
I am sad to admit the strangest porn I have seen is a chick and her horse. I know this isn’t new or original but up to this point it is the strangest for me. I never wanted a pony after that. I will be tracking down some midget porn now though. My husband loves him some little folk (not in the biblical sense).
.-= Sabreena’s last blog post… My Coupons Get No Respect =-.
Can’t wait to see your next Toy With Me post. I bet it’ll be a hoot!
.-= Rebecca’s last blog post… Throwing Stuff At Writers =-.
Lettuce?!!!! Lettuce!!!!! Who knew? I think that negates the midgeteeness. Lettuce!
tentacle porn comes from Japan too.
Don’t they have normal sized peni?
.-= OG’s last blog post… What do you want to know Wednesday – questions and answers. =-.
Keisoku Fetchi: This is Japanese competitive porn in which women compete for the best bodily measurements. The erotic part is supposed to be the measuring part, where every external and internal feature — including, for instance, pussy depth — is measured. Contestants then have a vaginal tug-of-war, because not just vaginal tightness but also the ability to squeeze and hold matters.
Also, ignore all that you’ve heard about horror porn (and in particular how squid porn tastes like chicken porn) until you google Daikichi Amano.
Oh, also, I have seen a few videos in which women are toilet fixtures. Now, I don’t mean simply golden shower videos. I mean, the women are fixtures as in “the women, together with porcelain, become a toilet or urinal or, best of all IMHO, bidet.
Pimp: Midget Mania, the original classic, has a scene with a gargoyle in it instead of a zombie. Well worth the download. I will get now Midget Mania 2.
.-= stoogepie’s last blog post… Wings =-.
not only are midgets in suitcases found in porn, but they’re part of the criminal underworld too:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/1576461/Dwarves-zipped-in-suitcases-steal-from-Swedes.html
bwaahahaha! i can’t take it.! and i def couldn’t take it in the ass from a midget zombie. not without laughing my ass off and i’m sure the mini mights want to be taken seriously in this endeavor.
.-= patty punker’s last blog post… i’m in big trouble =-.
When we moved into our art studio we found a box of late 70′s 8mm pornos — including a disturbing farm themed one.
.-= CockGawker’s last blog post… The Appeal of Bisexual Men =-.
Haha, I found a movie once called “Vampires vs Zombies” It’s a lesbian skin flick based loosely on the novel “Carmilla” about the Lesbian Vampire Queen. Definitely worth a look if you want to make fun of something.
.-= Mystern’s last blog post… External Rendering =-.
I saw an amazing porn called lord of the g-string with dildo baggins. It was a spoof of LOTR and amazingly excellent.
Did you see that Chuy from Chelsea Lately is a midget porn star?
http://perezhilton.com/2010-03-12-chelsea-handlers-sidekick-chuy-in-midget-porn
Weirdest porn I’ve ever seen was German and it was leaning towards the sick side … on the othe hand … there’s a midget janitor at my work and he’s a perv
I too saw chuy from chelsea lately was in midget porn…made me think of you immediately. Also, my hubby’s fave porn title (don’t think he ever actually watched it) was: amputees who like to tease. Classy.
.-= Erin’s last blog post… Don’t Call It Brenner =-.
@martina – you have to watch them midget janitors – they’re always on the look out for an upskirt opportunity
.-= Top Banana’s last blog post… Embed Vimeos on Wordress.com High Fashion in High Definition =-.
Aww come on – lets have some links – we’re all grown ups here aren’t we? Check this vid of Frank Side Bottom on Jizzy – a midget with an inflatable head Hit the North
.-= jimmy’s last blog post… A Dirty Dozen Cities =-.
I cannot find a download for the Zombie Midgetr Porn anywhere! I found it on RedTube, but couldn’t find a torrent or DL. Damn.
Thanks for this discussion; my fiance and I have a weekly Bad Porn Night on Saturdays in which we absolutely break out brains. I recommend “Let My Puppets Come” from the 70s…. AMAZINGLY HORRIFYING. Literal puppet porn.