I originally wrote this post for Toy With Me, but somebody else submitted one on the same topic only two hours before me, so I had to eat it. Both Dingo and Michele sent me links to this and it’s total suckage because I’m wicked sick, and I struggled through writing it and even got my mom to babysit so I could do it, and then I had to start all over again with something else.
The ladybug karma is still fucking with me, obviously.
I SAID SORRY, OKAY BUDDHA?
I mean, JEE-ZUS! Buddha does not fool around with that karma business.
Anyway, have you guys heard of Vajazzling yet? It’s the new, sexy way to get your bling on.
It’s bedazzling for your pieche!
Yup.
What they do is they wax your pubical area, and then they glue tiny Swarovski crystals (because only the best will do) to it.
Jennifer Love Hewett had it done and now everyone and their pussy is doing it too.
And now I want it, obviously.
1) because I’ve always loved TheGhost Whiperer and if it’s good enough for her crotchals, it’s good enough for mine.
B) I’ve kind of always felt like my twidget was, well, sort of plain. I mean I shave it and everything to keep it neat and tidy, but really? It doesn’t make a statement.
It just sort of sits there like…a vagina.
Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about what sort of pattern I might want and I thought of maybe getting racing stripes or something, but then I decided that some kind of message would be better, like… PINK or JUICY. Wouldn’t that be cute? Or maybe just a sparkly WELCOME sign.
This seems to me like the Best Idea Ever because as you know, I have a hard time finding jeans that fit me just right. They’re always too long or too short or too size 16/00, but if I get Vajazzled, I’ll never need to wear pants again! I’m already fancy just the way I am! And I’m totally ready to hit the dance floor as my own disco ball! Woot! Woot! (that was the disco call, in case you didn’t know)
Imagine the looks on the Escalade Pajama Cunt’s faces when I drop Girlfriend off at school with my JUICY disco crotch? I dare say, it will make their JUICY sweatpanted asses look just silly.
Who’s the fashionista now, ladies?
That’s right. It’s ME!
But it’s wicked expensive you guys and I’m trying to save up for that Volvo because as it turns out, blow jobs do not make the world go round and you actually have to PAY for things with MONIES.
I had no idea.
So I got to thinking that maybe I can save myself the $50 and do my own using Girlfriend’s stick on earrings.
And it totally works!
Yay for DIY Vajazzling projects!
Turns out Mister isn’t the only Macguyver up in Crissy’s hizzy.
I ‘m totally going to suggest we do this for the next girl’s night. Fuck getting pedicures and all that other stupid shit. We’re getting Vajazzled, baby! I’ll bring the stickers!
All three of my friends are going to LOVE this. It’s exactly like Nerds Gone Wild when a Pediatrician, a Rabbi-in-training, a Librarian/Historian, and a Mommy Blogger go out to get their (one per person) drink on. Last time, we shared a piece of chocolate cake and like, our forks touched places on the cake where other people’s forks had touched it.
It was too hot for TV that’s for sure.
We practically had a lezzie gang bang. Just sayin.
So yes.
DIY Vajazzling.
Why pay $50 bucks to have a stranger touch your pubicals, when I can do it with stickers I got at Christmas Tree Shops for $1?
Fuck – I still really love Jennifer Love Hewitt. I stuck by that crazy bitch for a long time and I’m glad she’s finally coming around again.
Ben’s last blog post… I’M FRIENDS WITH KELLY CLARKSON, MOTHERWHATTERS!!!!!!!!!!!
i think i did a pretty good job, no?
but i feel left out now. i need to start a sparklerotum trend.
I might have pitched a tent. Like a lot. Or not at all.
Aunt Becky’s last blog post… Next on Hoarders: Your Aunt Becky
Don’t worry you guys. We won’t be Bedazzling Mister’s scrotum.
Although, that would be pretty magnificent…
Man I hate lopez tonight. I think you’re off a little on the “Y” I’m sure practice will make perfect.
I wouldn’t mind a bedazzled scrotum. At least I’d have something to look at while I was choking.
k8, you’re such a good girl!
I’m actually shocked that someone would do this. I know that I shouldn’t be, but wow! You spent your weekend putting stickers on your couchie, to post a picture on the internet? I hope this pays well.
ahah! the stick on earrings! Love it!
Natballs’s last blog post… Jennifer
Sorry to be persnickety, but no woman’s stickin’ nothin’ on her “vagina,” she’s stickin’ it on her “vulva.”
Jeezus fucking christ, do we have to lose the beautiful notion that the beautiful face is distinct from the beautiful inner machinery?
K8, now that made me LMFAO-PIMP (which by way is my new favorite, you may all use it).
Crissy, is it sad that I want to drive from Chicago to attend your DIY Vajazzling party? Or does it make me a stalker? I’m so confused.
…like I needed another reason to adore JLH.
Tess’s last blog post… I survived last week, and my new party trick
I’m in! Maybe it will detract from the 15 extra pounds of baby weight I’m still carrying around. Do you think if I put the star stickers at the end of my stretch marks they would look super cool, like shooting stars?
chicken lips’s last blog post… ch-ch-ch-changes!!
Guys, can we please get Crissy in at BlogHer to give a seminar on this? Now that’s something I’d attend!
Also, JLH calling her vag “precious lady” is hilarious.
Melissa’s last blog post… Dear Family: EVIDENCE!
Dear Zoe- Actually, it took about 10 minutes start to finish and that includes taking the picture and posting it, but if you want to fantasize about me touching my crotch all weekend, you go right ahead!
I wrote about jeans not fitting right too. I think you’ve hit on the solution — NO PANTS! And GLITTER EARRINGS.
Melissa Lion’s last blog post… I Went Shopping
i’m all for no pants.
Does it say “BROWNIES” on the other side?
Bedazzled Scrotum = Disco Balls?!
But, totally brilliant idea using the kind you can stick on yourself AND then you don’t have to have some stranger spending way too much time with her fingers on your ladypie (that was the term in the article I saw about the Vajazzling). It can then become a fun project for you and Mister…. Do-It-Yourself at its finest!
It’s going to make me smile all day to think of you workin’ at the library with a Vajazzled LadyPie!
MsDarkstar’s last blog post… Non-Coffeehouse Sunday Post
DISCO BALLS!
pure fucking genius, laura.
OMFG on the bling.
Mr. Toy With Me’s last blog post… Vajazzling – Crystals For Your Clitoris
you give new meaning to “happy trail”! vajazzling parties – genius!
patty punker’s last blog post… sibling sex on ice – not nice
This is so funny. If I wasn’t as wide as I am tall, then I’d go and vajazzle my vajaja
Rebecca’s last blog post… My Four Year Old Singing.
Since our QOFE did us a favor and explained how to Vajazzle our Lily (as my grandmother so fondly called it) on a budget I’ve gone and Titjazzled myself, since that’s what my mister seems so very fond of. I’m not taking a picture but my tata’s now have “You Own These” written all over them in sparkling letters I found for a dollar at Family Dollar.
Thanks for a great night Crissy!!!!!!!
PS: I also added an arrow pointing down to what else he owned. Oh I am so creative in my free time.
DISCO BALLS!
It’s true, Ms. Darkstar is genius!
If I’d done that to myself, I’d have done what Karen in Mean Girls does and stuck it on backwards.
CuppyCakes’s last blog post… I’m Being Cryptic Version 2.0.
Wow, and I always felt so fancy when I bothered to trim. Who knew that all this time I was secretly under dressing? Learning is fun!
vajazzling didn’t appeal to me until now, but i totally want to host a stick-on-earring-vajazzle party now. that or give my boyfriend some disco balls. BRILLIANT.
Alice’s last blog post… it’s march! i should write a post.
Sorry for the shitty comment Crissy. I was having a bad day. I like your writing style.
It’s all good, Zoe. Everybody has a bad day. I leave my bazooka at home on those days…
Crissy’s last blog post… DIY Vajazzling: Even Better than the Real Thing
[...] spell out “Juicy” near her vajayjay bought for only $1 at Christmas Tree Shop! From DIY Vajazzling: Even Better Than the Real Thing. Image on Flickr via k.a. [...]
here is lot of comments then i am little confused that what should i say here. some gave good reply and some gave un meaningful reply.
data center power ’s last blog post… Green Technology Implementations and Green IT in Asia
This is the greatest post in the history of posts.
Ken’s last blog post… The Girl, The Office and The All-Day Hard-On
You really share very great blog post with us…I just love the way you write thanks..
[...] Crissy –DIY Vajazzling: Even Better than the Real Thing [...]
[...] 2. salon services. hey, did you know that you have to be licensed to work in the beauty industry? i wonder why that is? the excessive amount of home beauty systems at the drug store would lead us to think that we as individuals are capable of doing everything from hair coloring to bikini waxing at home as well as any paid professional. why would we waste the money? well, if you don’t mind having orange highlights or a mangled moustache area, be my guest. the quality of salon products is higher, and surprise! they know how to do it right. i speak from experience! i personally have given myself (on multiple occasions) something that looked like bloody crotch hickeys trying to wax my own bikini area. i have also had big brown splotchy patches of hair for several months when i got drunk in college and decided to become a blonde. admittedly, factoring out the alcohol will help, but not that much. also on the list of “must avoids”: anything you would usually have done at a plastic surgeon’s office (injectibles!), self tanner, and of course, home vajazzling. [...]
[...] Seems like since we wrote that article and Jennifer Love Hewitt continued to brag about her own vajazzle experience, a lot of women have since taken the step to make themselves prettier down there with a few extra crystals and glue – some have even resorting to using stick-on earrings. [...]
Sanchez of BeChicMag.com interviews Cindy Barshop of Completely Bare. Cindy demonstrates how to apply a DIY Vajazzling/body crystal
O Mister ur a star thankssssssssss
That is amazing! Better than getting a permanent tat in that area.