I originally wrote this post for Toy With Me, but somebody else submitted one on the same topic only two hours before me, so I had to eat it. Both Dingo and Michele sent me links to this and it’s total suckage because I’m wicked sick, and I struggled through writing it and even got my mom to babysit so I could do it, and then I had to start all over again with something else.
The ladybug karma is still fucking with me, obviously.
I SAID SORRY, OKAY BUDDHA?
I mean, JEE-ZUS! Buddha does not fool around with that karma business.
Anyway, have you guys heard of Vajazzling yet? It’s the new, sexy way to get your bling on.
It’s bedazzling for your pieche!
What they do is they wax your pubical area, and then they glue tiny Swarovski crystals (because only the best will do) to it.
Jennifer Love Hewett had it done and now everyone and their pussy is doing it too.
And now I want it, obviously.
1) because I’ve always loved TheGhost Whiperer and if it’s good enough for her crotchals, it’s good enough for mine.
B) I’ve kind of always felt like my twidget was, well, sort of plain. I mean I shave it and everything to keep it neat and tidy, but really? It doesn’t make a statement.
It just sort of sits there like…a vagina.
Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about what sort of pattern I might want and I thought of maybe getting racing stripes or something, but then I decided that some kind of message would be better, like… PINK or JUICY. Wouldn’t that be cute? Or maybe just a sparkly WELCOME sign.
This seems to me like the Best Idea Ever because as you know, I have a hard time finding jeans that fit me just right. They’re always too long or too short or too size 16/00, but if I get Vajazzled, I’ll never need to wear pants again! I’m already fancy just the way I am! And I’m totally ready to hit the dance floor as my own disco ball! Woot! Woot! (that was the disco call, in case you didn’t know)
Imagine the looks on the Escalade Pajama Cunt’s faces when I drop Girlfriend off at school with my JUICY disco crotch? I dare say, it will make their JUICY sweatpanted asses look just silly.
Who’s the fashionista now, ladies?
That’s right. It’s ME!
But it’s wicked expensive you guys and I’m trying to save up for that Volvo because as it turns out, blow jobs do not make the world go round and you actually have to PAY for things with MONIES.
I had no idea.
So I got to thinking that maybe I can save myself the $50 and do my own using Girlfriend’s stick on earrings.
And it totally works!
Yay for DIY Vajazzling projects!
Turns out Mister isn’t the only Macguyver up in Crissy’s hizzy.
I ‘m totally going to suggest we do this for the next girl’s night. Fuck getting pedicures and all that other stupid shit. We’re getting Vajazzled, baby! I’ll bring the stickers!
All three of my friends are going to LOVE this. It’s exactly like Nerds Gone Wild when a Pediatrician, a Rabbi-in-training, a Librarian/Historian, and a Mommy Blogger go out to get their (one per person) drink on. Last time, we shared a piece of chocolate cake and like, our forks touched places on the cake where other people’s forks had touched it.
It was too hot for TV that’s for sure.
We practically had a lezzie gang bang. Just sayin.
Why pay $50 bucks to have a stranger touch your pubicals, when I can do it with stickers I got at Christmas Tree Shops for $1?
- Vajazzle me this, Internet
- MOTHERFUCKER! There. That’s better.
- Crissy’s Inbox Revealed!
- It’s a little better than going on Oprah and crying because that was my Plan B.
- Asses @ Your Library