Yesterday after reading that my “ladybugs” were actually some sort of Beetle impostering as ladybugs, Girlfriend and I went on a killing spree. Each armed with a library book( I KNOW IT!), we went into the bathroom and opened up a can whoop ass on the beetles.
We were like, all Matrix-y and shit, and we were spinning around and doing ninja flips and gettin’ all crazy, and we were pretty bad ass, laughing all the way and making splooshy sound effects and high fiving each other until all the beetles were dead, dead, dead.
And I enjoyed it a little too much, and I blame Girlfriend because she thought it was hysterical, which made massacring tens of ladybug beetle things AWESOME! Hahahahaha! and we totally bonded and then I realized something.
Karma is a bitchface.
It’s always making anything fun a wicked pain in the assical. Murdering bugs, annoying as they may be, makes for very bad karma. I mean,what would Buddha say?
I do not think he would be pleased with Girlfriend and me.
Mister tells me that my source of information on the whole beetle/ladybug thing was bad and that ladybugs come in all different shades of orange/red and if he’s right, I have just gleefully killed what are arguably the most adorable bugs in the entire entomological world.
What happens to you when you smoosh good luck ladybugs with a library book?
This can’t be good, Queefies.
So now I’m scared that something really bad is going to happen, and I keep going back to this show I was watching on Monday night. I don’t know what show it was because I don’t really pay attention to show names, but it was one of those police shows–OMG! Greg from Darma & Greg was in it– and it was about a guy who started shooting people who looked like his wife. After he shot his first person, he got a high from it, and then he got addicted to shooting people and he couldn’t stop, and he just wanted to do it more and more and it became like, an obsession.
I didn’t see the whole thing, but I think he murdered his family probably.
I’m scared that this is going to happen to me now. I’m going to start killing bugs like, all the time, and then before you know it, BAM!
I’m a killing machine.
I already share a name with a serial killer, so it’s like I am one already!
And you’re getting a twofer today because it’s TOY WITH ME Wednesday!