Yesterday after reading that my “ladybugs” were actually some sort of Beetle impostering as ladybugs, Girlfriend and I went on a killing spree. Each armed with a library book( I KNOW IT!), we went into the bathroom and opened up a can whoop ass on the beetles.
We were like, all Matrix-y and shit, and we were spinning around and doing ninja flips and gettin’ all crazy, and we were pretty bad ass, laughing all the way and making splooshy sound effects and high fiving each other until all the beetles were dead, dead, dead.
Hahahahahahaha!
And I enjoyed it a little too much, and I blame Girlfriend because she thought it was hysterical, which made massacring tens of ladybug beetle things AWESOME! Hahahahaha! and we totally bonded and then I realized something.
Karma is a bitchface.
It’s always making anything fun a wicked pain in the assical. Murdering bugs, annoying as they may be, makes for very bad karma. I mean,what would Buddha say?
I do not think he would be pleased with Girlfriend and me.
Mister tells me that my source of information on the whole beetle/ladybug thing was bad and that ladybugs come in all different shades of orange/red and if he’s right, I have just gleefully killed what are arguably the most adorable bugs in the entire entomological world.
What happens to you when you smoosh good luck ladybugs with a library book?
This can’t be good, Queefies.
So now I’m scared that something really bad is going to happen, and I keep going back to this show I was watching on Monday night. I don’t know what show it was because I don’t really pay attention to show names, but it was one of those police shows–OMG! Greg from Darma & Greg was in it– and it was about a guy who started shooting people who looked like his wife. After he shot his first person, he got a high from it, and then he got addicted to shooting people and he couldn’t stop, and he just wanted to do it more and more and it became like, an obsession.
I didn’t see the whole thing, but I think he murdered his family probably.
I’m scared that this is going to happen to me now. I’m going to start killing bugs like, all the time, and then before you know it, BAM!
I’m a killing machine.
I already share a name with a serial killer, so it’s like I am one already!
And you’re getting a twofer today because it’s TOY WITH ME Wednesday!
Breastfeed my husband? Hell no!
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The ant genocide I committed last year still haunts me.
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My Mom calls them “CB’s” – stands for “communist bastards.” They are the black spiderman of ladybugs.
The show is called Criminal Minds.
And FWIW, ladybugs are beetles. The orange are Asian ones that have no natural enemy on our continent. You can justify killing the Orange ones because they bite, whereas the red do not. You were only protecting your children. Karma surely can’t hold that against you.
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Karma or Kama Sutra? I mean, killing ladybugs gave you a delicious high, right? Doesn’t that mean you’re supposed to get all nakkie nakkie and do wack shit with Mister?
I justify the killing of bugs this way. Stay outside and we can be friends. But, if you come into my home, I kill you. Period. That is, I kill bugs. And nasty intruders. Not friends. Nor most family.
I promise you these are the bad ones. The good ones do not suddenly appear in “ladybug wolf pacts” torturing you and your family. I have personally dealt with these little mf’ers. I came home from work one day and my daughter had collected over 100 in a jar. You get good luck if one of the real lady bugs lands on you. Would mother nature give that much good luck to people? Especially serial killers?
karma-shmarma…I don’t think ladybugs apply here.
They were going to die anyway, so it was less genocide and more euthanasia. The foolish ladybugs thought it was Spring and would have died horrific deaths a few days later so truly you were giving them mercy.
Oh and Tess is correct the show is Criminal Minds.
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I think you were just equalizing things. You were repaying those ladybugs’ bad karma back. Those beetles were sure to eat someone’s tomatoes or whatever. YOU SAVED TOMATOES.
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dude- the orange ones BITE! it’s a good thing you killed em all!
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you really blew it here.
do you know how many folks are into the “hot woman crushes bugs under her stiletto heel” scene??
for example: http://gens-labo.myshopify.com/collections/insect-crush
i hope you played some totally bad ass rock music at a deafening volume during the killing spree. like sympathy for the devil or some shit.
karma is a bitchface, but this is a low-ranked act. no worries.
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Those bastard impostor ladybugs BITE. We had them in our house several years ago and we had to have an exterminator come in and spray, because we didn’t know that they’d leave on their own in a week or so. I say squish ‘em all.
*Shudders*
The orange ones totally do bite.
You had every reason to kill those fuckers.
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i used to catch the orange ones just like i would the red ones growing up, and i guess this means i am a BUG WHISPERER since it sounds like normally i should have been all bitten up. pretty sure i should get a show on TBS now.
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Hahahahah! I KNEW Pimp would reference the stiletto and smooooshing the bug thing!! Will there be pics of Crissy’s heel and bug???
Good luck….oh GREAT Bugger!
When they come in my house, I kill them……..Castle Doctrine or something like that. It’s the law, if they come in, you have a right to kill.
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I’d say that you are going to hell for killing the ladybugs but you and I have already booked a booth at the Lake of Fire Bar. So, I guess your punishment will be carpooling with the Escalade Cunts for all eternity.
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Death, death, death, death…Oh well. Cup of tea?
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Part of my job is deciding which animals live and which ones die. IMAGINE THE KARMA I’M GOING TO COP!
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