Morning Queefies!
I don’t know how much time I have this morning. Homeslice and Girlfriend are still sleeping. I always get really paranoid when they sleep late, and I keep going into their rooms to make sure they didn’t die. I put my hand on their little tummies to check for breathing and sometimes I poke them to make them move. I’m an awesome mother, obviously.
They’re both still alive, btw. I poked them.
Can somebody tell me why my upstairs bathroom is infested with lady bugs? It happens every year at this time. I counted 21 of them yesterday, and I have to do the floor every day because when I go in there, it’s littered with dead lady bug parts. Apparently there’s some sort of a lady bug coup d’ etat going on in there. It’s a veritable lady bug blood bath.
But why are they doing it in my bathroom?
I saw Amityville Horror AND I read the book, so I’m kind of an expert on these things, and so I know that it’s usually flies that come with an evil haunting and so I don’t think that’s why all the lady bugs.
As far as I can tell, they must think the horrible daisy border the former owners put up is real. Stupid lady bugs. It’s ugly AND it’s wallpaper, you guys! Get a clue.
OR!
I am not only Queen of Fucking Everything, but I am also Earth Mother and all the creatures big and small want to be near me regardless of ugly wallpaper.
I spend a lot of time in that bathroom, you know. I brush people’s teeth, I give people baths, I wipe people’s butts (not Miste’rs though, thank Jeezus, but I could be anywhere in the house and hear “I pooped!” and I have to come running to wipe Girlfriend’s ass), and I clean it and clean it and clean it. Not Girlfriend’s ass. The bathroom. Because lady bugs are messy.
Between that upstairs bathroom and the kitchen, it’s pretty much my day. So why aren’t they in the kitchen where all my plants are?
Because lady bugs are fucking stupid and they have horrible taste in wallpaper. That’s why.
In other news, the flower show was pretty stupid. It was more of an opportunity to find a landscaper than to learn about pretty flowers. We paid $17 a person to see landscaping vignettes. It was fucking stupid.
But we got a cute picture of Homeslice:
so that was good.
And I noticed that not one of you showed up there to meet me which proves once and for all that I don’t have any REAL friends. Sure, you say you love me but WHERE WERE YOU?
I agonized over my outfit just for you.
Assholes.
Landscapes? Bleh. BOOOOOORING. That’s why I have a front door. If I want to look at some landscapes I just open it, take a gander around, and slam it back shut again.
You’re lucky they aren’t ORANGE ladybugs. Those fuckers bite and shit.
Natballs’s last blog post… Last Time I Was Orgasming And Swooning; This Time I Am Bitching And Moaning
They BITE? Mine are orange!
We have two rooms that have this issue. Our guest room floor is covered with them right now.
The top half of our house is cedar shake. The ladybugs like to crawl up into the gaps for the winter on the sunniest side. Part of the house is 100 years old and was sheathed in wood planks instead of plywood. They can get through the gaps in the sheathing then they find their way through the lathe and plaster. In the main bathroom right next to the guest room, they come in through the vent for the bathroom fan. I’m forever having to take off the glass from the light to clean them out.
At least ladybugs are considered to be good luck. Go buy some lottery tickets.
If they’re orange they aren’t ladybugs.They’re Asian beetles. Don’t squish them, they stink.
Tess’s last blog post… I was broke. Then I was rich. Now I’m broke.
hold on a minute… “ladybugs” DO come in shades other than red!
http://www.ca.uky.edu/entomology/entfacts/ef105.asp
http://www.ladybuglady.com/LadybugsFAQ.htm
all variations are harmless to humans, only eating aphids, and do emit a foul substance when endangered.
I just Googled it. They aren’t really ladybugs. They’re Lady Asian Beetles and there’s nothing you can do about it. They come in through a crack somewhere–shingles probably, which we have, and just hang out for a while. The advice I got was either suck them up with the vac or “just deal with it.” Nice.
Fucking landscapers.
But look at the sunshine in that pictures! The sunshine I tell you!
I’m sorry I didn’t make it to the flower show… this whole unemployment thing has sortve shot my travel budget all to hell.
Sorry about your LadyBug/Beetle/whatever infestation…Best thing to do is suck em up with the vac. But it gets to be like shoveling in a blizzard… you’ll think you got them all and there they are… hangin’ out on your bathroom daisies. Maybe you can think of them as performance art!
MsDarkstar’s last blog post… Non-Coffeehouse Sunday Post (17)
Where we was? Atlanta, GA. February is _not_ spring!
Is your house white or really light colored? The Asian ladybugs like the white houses. This might be a good excuse to get that Volvo wagon so you can pack it up and move to a darker house.
I’m in the same boat as MsDarkstar. Unemployment has really made me rethink my stalking plans. Now, if by chance you attend a flower/landscaping/sucky show in the Chicago Area, I promise to follow you around, beg for autographs and snap pictures of you.
I hate to say this, but perhaps you are starting a new plague trend? Lady bugs are so in right now.
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Please come to visit my hometown and I promise you Crissy, I will come out of hiding ……
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I would of wen’t… IF I DIDN’T LIVE NEAR DETROIT!
And that is a very cute picture of homeslice.
Ladybugs? Around here there is a beetle that looks like a ladybug. It procreates like crazy. And they get everywhere! Really gross! Maybe you brought them home from the not-flower show?
I just went to a “home and garden show” which was really a buy new windows/roof/kitchen cabinets show.
We get lady bugs on our house and they “hatch”. I’m thinking it might actually be the beetle thing though. Off to google.
Mom Taxi Julie’s last blog post… What’s in my head
Ladybugs? Lady Beetles? Whatever. That’s really odd. Maybe there’s some sort of good luck thing associated with them.
If not, you should make one up.
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the philadelphia flower show is lame ass too. i go there and all of this floor space is taken up by auto manufacturers giving away cars for lead generation. i didn’t spend $1.8 million dollars for the auto how people!
and then there are all of these whacked out miniature design contests where the sculpure is behind glass and trying to get a peek is like trying to get near the mona lisa.
and there are def not enough bars or wine tastings throughout this exhbit to get me through all of the above.
ps: homeslice is adorable and i love your boots!
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I didn’t know the orange ones were Asian beetles O.o
the orange ones def. bite!
I haven’t seen an orange one in forever and this post made me think of then… and, coincidentally, in class today an orange “ladybug” was crawling the chick in front of me’s desk. i was all THEY BITE! THE ORANGE ONES BITE!
Natballs’s last blog post… Last Time I Was Orgasming And Swooning; This Time I Am Bitching And Moaning
We have crazy amounts of lady bugs in our kids room every year. Last year we duct taped the windows (I know classy right? We were desperate.) and took the vacuum hose and sucked the rest up. We haven’t had a big problem since.
Saw something on HGTV where ladybugs were in the bathroom walls because it was damp – water leaks rotting the wood.
And the flower show – you might have attracted more attention if you had less outfit (like CP likes). Oh, sorry, thinking Vegas outfits there. (just had the Adult Expo in town)
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Awww the homeslice is so adorable. Love those boots.
I actually was there . . . just hiding cause I spilled iced cream on my cardigan
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i fully endorse “less” outfit!
at least they’re.. um.. cute-ish? better than stink bugs or roaches? i don’t know, that’s all i’ve got
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Okay. Less outfit in February? You boys are nuts.
crissy’s last blog post… I didn’t see any of you at the flower show. Were you hiding?
Love the hat. HATE ladybugs. They’re creepy as hell. I saw a special about a year ago that they are invading some areas of this fine country.
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We have ladybugs here too, and when we researched them, apparently they like white/light colored houses, and they “mark” houses as places to mate, or die, or whatever the hell they’re doing all over my house. Anyway, I basically found the same info as you, too bad, and deal with it, so I told my husband the bad news, he has to deal with it. On the other topic, unfortunately I live WAY too far away (Atlanta) to stalk you….sad really…
Darling, just because you didn’t see us doesn’t mean we weren’t there. Watching. Ducking out of sight. Hiding behind the orchids.
I saw you, Robodad. I was in the bush behind you.
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So sorry……as stated above…..we couldn’t have stalked….er, visited you, as Detroit is a leeeetle to far away!! Had we had more notice though, we would have flown out just to play with Girlfriend and Homeslice!! Cause they are just toooooo adorable!!
(ps Awesome pic as usual Pimp!!)