I didn’t see any of you at the flower show. Were you hiding?

Morning Queefies!

I don’t know how much time I have this morning.  Homeslice and Girlfriend are still sleeping.  I always get really paranoid when they sleep late, and I keep going into their rooms to make sure they didn’t die.  I put my hand on their little tummies to check for breathing and sometimes I poke them to make them move.  I’m an awesome mother, obviously.

They’re both still alive, btw.  I poked them.

Can somebody tell me why my upstairs bathroom is infested with lady bugs? It happens every year at this time. I counted 21 of them yesterday, and I have to do the floor every day because when I go in there, it’s littered with dead lady bug parts. Apparently there’s some sort of a lady bug coup d’ etat going on in there.  It’s a veritable  lady bug blood bath.

But why are they doing it in my bathroom?

I saw Amityville Horror AND I read the book, so I’m kind of an expert on these things, and so I know that it’s usually flies that come with an evil haunting and so I don’t think that’s why all the lady bugs.

As far as I can tell, they must think the horrible daisy border the former owners put up is real. Stupid lady bugs.  It’s ugly AND it’s wallpaper, you guys!  Get a clue.

OR!

I am not only Queen of Fucking Everything, but I am also Earth Mother and all the creatures big and small want to be near me regardless of ugly wallpaper.

I spend a lot of time in that bathroom, you know.  I brush people’s teeth, I give people baths, I wipe people’s butts (not Miste’rs though, thank Jeezus, but I could be anywhere in the house and hear “I pooped!” and I have to come running to wipe Girlfriend’s ass), and I clean it and clean it and clean it. Not Girlfriend’s ass.  The bathroom.  Because lady bugs are messy.

Between that upstairs bathroom and the kitchen, it’s pretty much my day.  So why aren’t they in the kitchen where all my plants are?

Because lady bugs are fucking stupid and they have horrible taste in wallpaper.  That’s why.

In other news, the flower show was pretty stupid.  It was more of an opportunity to find a landscaper than to learn about pretty flowers.  We paid $17 a person to see landscaping vignettes.  It was fucking stupid.

But we got a cute picture of Homeslice:

_MG_7820-45

so that was good.

And I noticed that not one of you showed up there to meet me which proves once and for all that I don’t have any REAL friends.  Sure, you say you love me but WHERE WERE YOU?

I agonized over my outfit just for you.

Assholes.

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32 comments

  1. We have two rooms that have this issue. Our guest room floor is covered with them right now.

    The top half of our house is cedar shake. The ladybugs like to crawl up into the gaps for the winter on the sunniest side. Part of the house is 100 years old and was sheathed in wood planks instead of plywood. They can get through the gaps in the sheathing then they find their way through the lathe and plaster. In the main bathroom right next to the guest room, they come in through the vent for the bathroom fan. I’m forever having to take off the glass from the light to clean them out.

  2. I just Googled it. They aren’t really ladybugs. They’re Lady Asian Beetles and there’s nothing you can do about it. They come in through a crack somewhere–shingles probably, which we have, and just hang out for a while. The advice I got was either suck them up with the vac or “just deal with it.” Nice.

  3. I’m sorry I didn’t make it to the flower show… this whole unemployment thing has sortve shot my travel budget all to hell.

    Sorry about your LadyBug/Beetle/whatever infestation…Best thing to do is suck em up with the vac. But it gets to be like shoveling in a blizzard… you’ll think you got them all and there they are… hangin’ out on your bathroom daisies. Maybe you can think of them as performance art!
    .-= MsDarkstar’s last blog post… Non-Coffeehouse Sunday Post (17) =-.

  4. Is your house white or really light colored? The Asian ladybugs like the white houses. This might be a good excuse to get that Volvo wagon so you can pack it up and move to a darker house.

  5. I’m in the same boat as MsDarkstar. Unemployment has really made me rethink my stalking plans. Now, if by chance you attend a flower/landscaping/sucky show in the Chicago Area, I promise to follow you around, beg for autographs and snap pictures of you.

  6. I just went to a “home and garden show” which was really a buy new windows/roof/kitchen cabinets show.

    We get lady bugs on our house and they “hatch”. I’m thinking it might actually be the beetle thing though. Off to google.
    .-= Mom Taxi Julie’s last blog post… What’s in my head =-.

  7. the philadelphia flower show is lame ass too. i go there and all of this floor space is taken up by auto manufacturers giving away cars for lead generation. i didn’t spend $1.8 million dollars for the auto how people!

    and then there are all of these whacked out miniature design contests where the sculpure is behind glass and trying to get a peek is like trying to get near the mona lisa.

    and there are def not enough bars or wine tastings throughout this exhbit to get me through all of the above.

    ps: homeslice is adorable and i love your boots!
    .-= patty punker’s last blog post… cast your vote: meghan vs. me =-.

  8. We have crazy amounts of lady bugs in our kids room every year. Last year we duct taped the windows (I know classy right? We were desperate.) and took the vacuum hose and sucked the rest up. We haven’t had a big problem since.

  9. Saw something on HGTV where ladybugs were in the bathroom walls because it was damp – water leaks rotting the wood.
    And the flower show – you might have attracted more attention if you had less outfit (like CP likes). Oh, sorry, thinking Vegas outfits there. (just had the Adult Expo in town)
    .-= joeinvegas’s last blog post… Santana =-.

  10. We have ladybugs here too, and when we researched them, apparently they like white/light colored houses, and they “mark” houses as places to mate, or die, or whatever the hell they’re doing all over my house. Anyway, I basically found the same info as you, too bad, and deal with it, so I told my husband the bad news, he has to deal with it. On the other topic, unfortunately I live WAY too far away (Atlanta) to stalk you….sad really…

  11. So sorry……as stated above…..we couldn’t have stalked….er, visited you, as Detroit is a leeeetle to far away!! Had we had more notice though, we would have flown out just to play with Girlfriend and Homeslice!! Cause they are just toooooo adorable!!

    (ps Awesome pic as usual Pimp!!)

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