Wanna know what I ate yesterday?
Oatmeal with wheat germ, butter, and brown sugar. I put just a little bit of butter and brown sugar, so it tasted like, I don’t know, paper? I’d have put banana in it but my mom ate the last one when she was visiting the other day. (Whore)
Orange juice
Half a mango
One handful of Whole Foods brand organic chocolate animal cookies, consumed in the dark in my pantry with the door closed so Girlfriend wouldn’t catch me eating them BECAUSE COOKIES ARE BAD FOR YOU AND YOU CANNOT EAT THEM EVERY DAY.
One handful of dry roasted peanuts.
Water, water, water, water, water, water
Cheddar cheese on whole wheat bread with pickles on the side. (Btw, you guys HAVE TO get this book. I’ve been making bread like a motherfucker!) (Don’t worry. There are NO semen recipes in it)
Then I get to work, and here’s where being tired and sad and wanting to go home turns into a Food Craptacular:
Immediately upon entering break room to put my dinner in the fridge- BAM! One mini cupcake from the break room table. It wasn’t even good, I knew that, but I ate it anyway. WTFF?
A couple of hours later…
Baby carrots and 1 tablespoon of peanut butter
1 Cookie
1 Apple
1 Chocolate from somebody’s Valentine’s sampler
1 Cookie
Amy’s Palak Paneer and a salad for dinner
1 Piece of Denise’s birthday cake
And then I went home and went directly to bed before I could eat one more thing that would make me want to shoot myself in the face with a bazooka.
Do you see a pattern here Queefies? Because I do, and that’s why I’m about to do something unimaginable, something I never thought I would do, something that has absolutely nothing to do with Lent (because I’m giving up anal for Lent just like every year).
I’m going into sugar de-tox, you guys. I’ve been eating like this every day since Christmas 2008 and I’m tired of feeling like shit about it. It’s not so much that it makes me fat. It’s that it’s a monster and it demands more and more and more of itself and it’s never happy or satisfied. There’s always another cupcake, another cookie, another whatever and I’m all done with it!
So, for the next week, I will not eat any bullshit food.
None. Nada. Nein.
Who’s with me?
Let’s ALL do it!
One week.
No sugary treats.
If you guys see me eating a cupcake or some such nonsense like that any time between now and next what day is it?, you need to slap it out of my mouth and shove it up my ass (except I gave up anal for Lent, so probably don’t do that last part).
Similar Posts:
- What’s in *your* lunchbox?
- Decision ‘08
- Use Lemons to Clean Garbage Disposal, Do Not Break Pyrex.
- Meet Fanny, my inner fat girl.
- Okay so maybe I *do* have a life, sometimes. Like, a couple times a year.
I’M WITH YOU!
And I’m one-upping you…no adult beverages either! Let’s put Monica to the test!
*you need to slap it out of my mouth and shove it up my ass* made me laugh so hard the fam wanted to know what was funny…sadly, I couldn’t tell them.
I’m trying to figure out what to cut the fuck out so I can fit in my twopiece for Cuba. Dairy? Alcohol? Wheat? Nutrition?
Ben’s last blog post… "Stretch out your hamstrings and pull up a seat."
Good Luck Crissy! I bet you’ll be just fine. I can’t do it, I’m Cuban, sugar is in my blood. If I don’t have something sweet at least once a day, I go into severe withdrawals. Well, that and also cause I’m pregernant and it’s a better excuse to just eat all the shit I want anyway
No-Effing-Way!! I REFUSE to give up sugar. I’d rather give up air. I will, however, send flowers to your family’s funerals which will likely result from your sugar detox.
Tess’s last blog post… I was broke. Then I was rich. Now I’m broke.
I ate two banana nut pancakes for breakfast. THE SHAME! Before you shove any cupcakes up your ass, send ‘em my way. I’ll take one for the team – and by that I mean I’ll eat them, not shove them up MY ass.
saratogajean’s last blog post… Yesterday’s Dexter
When I try to sugar detox (and I don’t think I am THAT much of a fiend) I feel shit for at least 2 weeks. But then after that I feel awesome. I feel so awesome I go and eat 6 krispy kremes.
Grumpy’s last blog post… Not A Review
@ Ben: it’s ex-lax & water ’til prom…
I’m with you! I’m sick of the food pushers and diet saboteurs bringing in all their sugary leftovers! REVOLT!!!
i fucking HATE lent.
longest 44 days of my sex life.
Crissy’s_Pimp’s last blog post… feb 18, 2010
Dr. Hyman’s (don’t think that doesn’t make me laugh) Ultra Wellness. I’ve been doing it for about a week (Kate style of course) and it makes me feel so much better. Like a ton better. And I think I’m figuring out that I’m kind of allergic to dairy. Which means no cheese, in which case, I want to die.
k8’s last blog post… The Laptop Doctor
And is this helping or hurting with The Crazies?
(Having said that, steel cut oats in the crock pot makes a good pre-workout meal…)
You know, the less sugar you eat, the less you want to eat. It’s a weird cycle. But I cut down on sugar at one point and then just kind of stopped craving it. So kudos to you and good luck with the detox!!
stealthnerd’s last blog post… Countdown to THON: 1 Day!!!!!
Crissy, it’s 10:50am and I haven’t had even a morsel of sugar…SUCCESS!
I think I’m gonna need a 12 stepper for this one!
I’m starting my fancy office job in a few weeks. I suspect that in office environments snacking and sugar are just part of keeping up.
What I mean is, I’ll do this with you next month.
Melissa Lion’s last blog post… Knitting and Working
I fear my morning staple of frosted mini-wheats doesn’t allow me to take part.
But you are cutting out all sugar? Even naturally occuring sugars?
I haven’t had any sugar yet today. I had a little maple syrup in my oatmeal, but that’s not technically sugar. Woot! Woot! BUT. I’ve been at work for only 20 minutes. There’s 6.5 hours to go. I just have to keep thinking “detox, detox, detox…”
crissy’s last blog post… It’s ToyWithMeWednesday again!
you don’t need any sugar–you’re plenty sweet enough!
you are a better woman than i. i will shake your hand and congratulate you.. and.. uh… continue to eat like crap over here. oops.
Alice’s last blog post… flavor trip!
I’d be more than happy to come by and slap the cupcake out of your hand and eat it myself, but I don’t live that close. Um, maybe send them to me??
Marie’s last blog post… Yoga Fear List
I was eating a Cadbury mini egg as I read this. I think it’s a really good idea, and I may try to cut sugar out as well. Or at least exercise every day the next week.
@Patty O’Tool, how does one make oatmeal in the crockpot? That sounds awesome.
Amy!’s last blog post… The Happiest Place on Earth
oh god, better you than me. actually, i dont eat all that much sugar. SALT? now salt would be tough for me to just say no to. good luck!
cheese, potatoes (esp french fries with cheese), and orange food (doritos, cheetos, cheese puffs) are my crack. at least your sugar habit doesn’t make you gain weight. that’s my theory, people with a sweet tooth are always skinny. it just burns off and never sticks. but kudos for trying to detox.
patty punker’s last blog post… my dirty little secret
I’m already giving up drinking alcohol during the week for Lent (and also sex – I always give up sex when I’m single because it’s easy) so I need my sugar fix. Even a week without sugar would possibly kill me.
Paula’s last blog post… WHERE IN THE WORLD WEDNESDAY: TALES FROM A HEN WEEK . . .
I would love to try the no sugar thing, but not this week because my brain is fried from working psych. Not just regular psych floor, but involuntary psych floor. OMG I thought I had problems. No sugar would = no chocolate and that would just push me over the friggn edge. So if I return to a “normal” floor at work next week, why I could try that no sugar thing. That sugar would be my bitch. Yeah right in a perfect world. Keep us posted on your progress. If it doesn’t do you in, then I will participate. And that was mighty nice of Mister to tell you that you were sweet enough without sugar. Maybe he is trying to get you to change your mind about the anal. Don’t give in!
break room ……..when you put your stuff in the refrigerator…..was the stuff in a lunch box or a paper bag? Was the girl you work with pleased or angry with you???
Rebecca’s last blog post… Maggiano’s Reservations
I’ll totally go no sweets with you if you can tell me how not to eat an entire block of cheese at 9p.
I got Glandular Fever/Mono over Christmas. It’s the most effective diet I’ve ever been on. I haven’t been able to eat a full meal since right before Christmas.
Sadly, I think that.. without the sugary treats.. I would surely die from malnutrition.
CuppyCakes’s last blog post… EuroTrip Twenty Ten.
I just don’t like sweets..thanks a lot..
My aversion to fish is deep-rooted, even to something that only looks vaguely related! Not sure how I’d get on with seaweed, either.
I love mango.
Philip Smith’s last blog post… Weddings
[...] and Everything, New in Town, Weight Loss) (cool, exercise, exploring, My List, plans) Yesterday, The Queen of Fucking Everything posted about not eating sugar for a week, which is an awesome goal! One in which I would like to participate, except, HAHA YEAH RIGHT, I [...]
I would try it but I would die from lack of sugar. It does weird things to my system. I get the shakes and almost pass out if I don’t have some form of sugar daily. (Said as I dig out a bag of peanut butter M&M’s from my desk drawer…) The sugar CAN be in the from of milk sugars or fruit sugars but M&M’s are just much better.
Forgotten’s last blog post… Snow blows…(or why I like my new 4-wheel drive)