Wanna know what I ate yesterday?
Oatmeal with wheat germ, butter, and brown sugar. I put just a little bit of butter and brown sugar, so it tasted like, I don’t know, paper? I’d have put banana in it but my mom ate the last one when she was visiting the other day. (Whore)
Half a mango
One handful of dry roasted peanuts.
Water, water, water, water, water, water
Cheddar cheese on whole wheat bread with pickles on the side. (Btw, you guys HAVE TO get this book. I’ve been making bread like a motherfucker!) (Don’t worry. There are NO semen recipes in it)
Then I get to work, and here’s where being tired and sad and wanting to go home turns into a Food Craptacular:
Immediately upon entering break room to put my dinner in the fridge- BAM! One mini cupcake from the break room table. It wasn’t even good, I knew that, but I ate it anyway. WTFF?
A couple of hours later…
Baby carrots and 1 tablespoon of peanut butter
1 Chocolate from somebody’s Valentine’s sampler
Amy’s Palak Paneer and a salad for dinner
1 Piece of Denise’s birthday cake
And then I went home and went directly to bed before I could eat one more thing that would make me want to shoot myself in the face with a bazooka.
Do you see a pattern here Queefies? Because I do, and that’s why I’m about to do something unimaginable, something I never thought I would do, something that has absolutely nothing to do with Lent (because I’m giving up anal for Lent just like every year).
I’m going into sugar de-tox, you guys. I’ve been eating like this every day since Christmas 2008 and I’m tired of feeling like shit about it. It’s not so much that it makes me fat. It’s that it’s a monster and it demands more and more and more of itself and it’s never happy or satisfied. There’s always another cupcake, another cookie, another whatever and I’m all done with it!
So, for the next week, I will not eat any bullshit food.
None. Nada. Nein.
Who’s with me?
Let’s ALL do it!
No sugary treats.
If you guys see me eating a cupcake or some such nonsense like that any time between now and next what day is it?, you need to slap it out of my mouth and shove it up my ass (except I gave up anal for Lent, so probably don’t do that last part).