This morning, Mister tried to leave for work wearing his Halloween costume:
You know, sans makeup and accessories, but STILL! I had to stop him and tell him he cannot leave the house dressed like that and somehow I’m the asshole.
PS: Yesterday, after considerable effort with stroller hauling and packing of food bribes to keep Girlfriend in line, I attempted to go to the mall, which I loathe doing, to go to The Gap for a new pair of jeans. My favorite ones are so old and worn thin, they’re like one squat away from an Unfortunate Incident. But to my dismay, they have apparently closed all the Gap stores within a 20 minute radius of my house, and if you know me, you know I don’t leave that 20 minute radius for anything. Not even for Trader Joe’s (it’s 25 minutes away, fyi). And so this morning, I go online to The Gap and I measure myself for a new pair of my favorites–The Curvy Jean.
And their sizing chart is fucked.
Somebody needs to explain how in the name of Shit and Asshole I’m supposed to know what size I am when my waist is 34 inches around which is a size 16 (!), my hips are 35 inches, and my thigh is 20 inches around which makes me a size 00(!!!). I’m a 16/00. And before anyone tells me I measured wrong, I did not. I followed their measuring tips (6 times), which are also fucked because according to them, my waist is really my hips, my hips are really my ass, and my thigh is, well, it’s still my thigh. At least we can all still agree on what a thigh is, but you have to come and see this chart and tell me what I’m doing wrong, or at the very least tell me what fucking size I am, or tell me you’re a disproportionate freak show like me so I feel better.
Do any of you work there? Can you ask them what kind of fuckery this is? I don’t want to have to call bullshit on my beloved Gap, but I will if I don’t get a satisfactory explanation.
The Queen demands it!